JOKES OF THE DAY 4/05

A man staying at a hotel in London removes a card offering sexual services from a nearby phonebox. Back at the hotel he rings the number and a lady with a silky soft voice asks if she can be of assistance.
The guy says he wants a blow job + regular + doggie + some bondage and finishing with a pearl necklace, then asks her "what do you think?"
The lady says 'That sounds really good and I'd like to oblige but if you press 9 first you'll get an outside line.'

A Pakistani stops a guy in the centre of Sydney.
He says, "Can you tell me where The Opera House is, or should I go fuck myself again?"


A man with a fetish for very large women walks into a brothel. When asked what he wants, he says 'I want a really large woman - as big as possible.' He is shown this enormous woman, but he shakes his head - 'nope, not fat enough. Get someone bigger than that.' He is shown another, even more enormous woman. 'Nope, still not big enough, I tell you what - give me the biggest woman you have!' He is shown the biggest woman who works in the brothel. She is unbelievably big - 'That's more like it!' He is taken off to a room by the woman, and presently is on top of her going about satisfying his sexual desires. After a few minutes of heaving and groaning, he suddenly stops and says to the woman -
'Sorry. Do you mind if I turn the light off?' to which the woman replies
'It's me, isn't it? I'm so big that you find me unattractive.' to which the man replies -
'No, not at all! I think you're a very attractive woman. It's just that the light bulb's burning my arse!'


A guy sits down at the bar, orders a drink and holds his head in his hands. When the bartender comes back, the guy is swearing softly under his breath and shaking his head.
"Hey Bob, what's happening?" asks the bartender.
"I'm in DEEP SHIT," replies the customer. "I just got caught screwing my neighbour."
"Oh wow!" says the barman, "Who caught you? Your wife?"
"No said the customer, "HIS wife!"