Saturday, June 28, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
10 CRAZIEST PARKING TICKETS
Think that you’ve been hard done to by the parking authorities? Well, wait until you have read these extraordinary tales…1. Trucking ridiculous
It was a normal day for truck driver Michael Collins, who was on his way to collect a skip in London’s Belsize Park. But then, without warning, his truck lurched as the road beneath him collapsed. Unbeknown to Michael, a burst water main had caused the road to give way, creating a deep hole where the front wheels of his 17-tonne truck became stuck.
While he was waiting for his lorry to be rescued, a passing parking attendant appeared. To the astonishment of nearby residents and despite Michael’s protests, she stood on tiptoe and whacked a parking ticket on the trucks windscreen, uttering the immortal words, “You can appeal”. (See picture above).
2. Bad news comes in trees
If a tree fell on your car and you escaped death by mere inches, you might think that you would get some sympathy from your local council. Sadly, no such compassion was forthcoming when one family suffered just such a fate under the parking Taliban of Wychavon District Council
Nicky Clegg from Stoulton, near Pershore, was driving along the Bromwich Road with her 82-year-old mother and her 11-year-old son when without warning a tree crashed on her car. Miraculously they escaped death but the car ended up with a crushed bonnet, smashed windscreen and broken wing mirrors.
Police dragged the wrecked car to the side of the road and told Nicky that it was fine to leave it there and she could pick it up the following day. But when Nicky came back the next day, she was astonished to find a parking ticket on the window.
3. Feeling run down?
Think that being badly injured is an excuse to park illegally? Think again. When Nadhim Zahawi of South London was thrown from his scooter and left lying in the road with a broken leg, a heartless warden from Lambeth Council slapped a £100 ticket on his bike.
4. Horse play
You leave your horse in the street and what do you expect to find when you get back? A small pile of manure perhaps, but not a parking ticket. Amazingly, however, this is exactly what happened to Robert McFarland, a retired blacksmith from Yorkshire when he left his trusty steed, Charlie Boy, for a few brief moments. On the ticket, the over-zealous warden had written the vehicle description as “brown horse”.
5. Daylight robbery
It started off just like any other day for Fred Holt when he went to his local bank. But the ordinary day turned extraordinary when two masked men burst into the bank brandishing an axe and a machete. In the terrifying raid, the robbers held a young cashier hostage with an axe to her throat. Customers were forced to lie on the floor as staff were made to hand over cash.
If being a victim of this horrifying event wasn’t bad enough, 77 year old Mr Holt had parked his car nearby, and by the time he had given a statement to police officers, his car had been there for 20 minutes longer than allowed.
Mr. Holt was not worried because the police officers who interviewed him said that traffic wardens had been told about the raid and asked not to issue tickets. But when Mr Holt got back to his car he was astounded to find a £30 parking ticket pinned to his windscreen – the reason: overstaying his allowed time in the street.
6. Bloody ridiculous
“Do Something Amazing Today” runs the slogan of the National Blood Service. In Sutton, a traffic warden did just that, though not along the lines of “Save a life. Give Blood” that the advert intended.
For four years, a mobile National Blood Service truck has visited Sutton, parking at the same spot outside a group of offices, so volunteers can give blood. But seeing the good citizens of the town turn up and exchange a pint of the red stuff in return for a cup of tea and a biscuit was too much of a temptation for one parking attendant. Whilst those inside were giving blood, the parking attendant gave in his own unique way – in the form of a parking ticket.
Sutton council eventually waived the fine, saying the parking attendant had made a simple error of judgment. Or to put it more aptly, a rush of blood to the head.
7. Bus(ted)
Picture the situation. You’re a bus driver. You’re driving your bus. You see a queue of people waiting for you at a bus stop. You pull over to pick them up. So far, so good. But wait, not everyone wants to buy a ticket. This chap in the queue wants to give you one instead…
This was the extraordinary scene that greeted Manchester bus driver Chris O’Mahony, when he stopped his number 77 bus to let people on. He and his passengers looked on in absolute disbelief as the Manchester City Council parking attendant joined the queue to prepare the parking ticket, deposited the £40 notice and then walked away. The bus driver’s crime? Parking in a restricted area.
The attendant said he'd been told to issue tickets to buses that park. Manchester City Council bosses cancelled the ticket and ordered the warden to be retrained. Hopefully, as something other than a warden.
8. Heart attack
Whilst David Holmes was driving along he felt chest pains. So he immediately drove himself to hospital. When he arrived he was forced to park on the road and was treated for a heart attack. A kind nurse left a note on the windscreen saying it was an emergency and that David's daughter would pick the car up later. Despite the note, a pitiless parking attendant slapped a parking ticket on David’s car.
Despite an appeal to the local council, the £40 fine was not cancelled.
9. Welcome to Warwickshire
Warwick is a beautiful part of England but it had no appeal for one man who received a parking ticket from the local Council.
Krister Nylander was dismayed to receive a parking ticket in the post for parking in Warwick. But he knew the parking ticket was wrong because he lives in Sweden and had not visited England since he was 16. The offending vehicle was his 20-ton snowmobile which had barely ever left his barn, let alone Sweden.
How did it get the ticket? We’ve absolutely no Ikea.
10. Driving you crazy
Driving instructors are used to the trials and tribulations of teaching people to drive. Three point turns, as we all know, can be very tricky to learn. So spare a thought for the driving instructor who got a CCTV parking ticket when his pupil stalled whilst attempting a three-point turn and could not restart the car. The offence? Parking more than 50 centimetres from the kerb.
EXPENSIVE WEDDINGS
The 10 most extravagant weddings ever
Earlier this month, Wayne Rooney and Colleen McLoughlin were married in a lavish ceremony rumoured to have cost £5 million. But while the wedding was criticised in some quarters for its excess, there are plenty of other contenders for the title of most extravagant marriage ever....
he 1. Liza Minnelli and David Gest (March 17, 2002)
Cost: £1.8 million
The Oscar-winning actress’ wedding was a real cabaret, with fleets of black limousines sweeping guests to the Marble Collegiate Church where Minnelli (56) and Gest (48) tied the knot in true
2. Princess Elizabeth Windsor (later Queen Elizabeth II) and Prince Philip (November, 20 1947)
Cost: unknown
The magnificence of the royal wedding, with its Norman Hartnell dresses and nine 400lb wedding cakes, was frowned upon by some quarters in the frugal atmosphere of post-war
Times Archive, 1947: Marriage of Princess Elizabeth
3. David Beckham and Victoria Adams (July 4, 1999)
Cost: £500,000
The multi-millionaires lovingly known to the world as “Posh ‘n’ Becks” wed at
4. Amit Bhatia and Vanisha Mittal (June 18-21, 2002)
Cost: £30 million
In the most expensive wedding festivities ever conducted, four days of lavish revelry marked the nuptials of banker Amit Bhatia and Vanisha, daughter of the steel magnate Laxmi Mittal. The engagement ceremony is said to have been the only public function ever held at the
5. Donald Trump and Melania Knauss (Jan 22, 2005)
Cost: £900,000
Real-estate mogul Trump married his third wife, Slovenian model Melania Knauss, in a ceremony at
6. Barry Drewitt and Tony Barlow (July 1, 2006)
Cost: £800,000
Chemical research millionaires Drewitt and Barlow became the nation’s first openly gay surrogate parents after a five-year transatlantic battle, and were the first men to be recorded jointly as parents on a birth certificate. This extraordinary family does nothing by halves, and their wedding in
7. Nero and Pythagoras (c.AD 65)
Cost: 25,000 Denarii
In a fallow period between luckless wives, Emperor Nero married a young Greek slave-boy, Pythagoras, in a traditional Roman ceremony with rings and flame-coloured veil. The festivities were accompanied by Tiberian pleasure-boats stuffed with exotic animals, feasting, singing and “high-born” prostitutes. According to the historian Tacitus, the emperor took the woman’s part in the ceremonies.
8. Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas (Nov 18, 2000)
Cost: £1.5 million
The actress, who was born on a housing estate in the Welsh
9. Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer (July 29, 1981)
Cost: undisclosed
A global audience of 750 million viewers tuned in to watch the heir to the British throne wed a blushing 20-year-old former children’s nanny - the largest viewing figures recorded in television history. The royal couple married in
10. Wayne Rooney and Colleen McLoughlin (June 14, 2008)
Cost: £5 million
Private jets flew the couple’s 64 guests to
Thursday, June 26, 2008
JOKES OF THE WEEK
An 80-year old man goes for physical. All tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, "George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"
George replies: "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get in up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom - poof! The light goes on. When I'm done, Poof! The light goes off." "Wow, that's incredible," says the doctor.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls George's wife. "Ethel," he says, "George is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and - poof! The light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done - poof! The light goes off?" "Oh my God!" Ethel exclaims. "He's pissing in the bloody fridge again!"
Visiting the zoo one day, a lady noticed one of the kangaroos had a huge set of balls. She couldn't believe the size of these hummers, and when the 'roo ventured close to the bars of the enclosure, she reached thru the bars and gave his cods a squeeze. The animal, startled, jumped clear over the fence and bounded away down the path. A keeper saw the critter fading out of sight, and running up to the woman, said "What did you do to that kangaroo?" "I just gave his nuts a tweak to see if they were real!" she wailed. "Well," he said, dropping his pants, "you'd better tweak mine, 'cause I have to catch that sucker"!
A city slicker was driving through the country when he spotted a horse standing in a field. He was quite taken with the animal and so pulled over to ask the farmer if it was for sale.
"Afraid not," said the farmer.
"I'll give you a thousand bucks!" said the city fella.
"I can't sell you that horse. He don't look too well," replied the farmer.
"I know horses and he looks fine. I'll give you two thousand!"
"Well, all right, if you want him so bad."
The next day, the man returned the horse, screaming that he had been robbed. "You sold me a blind horse!"
"Well," said the farmer, "I told you he didn't look too well."
A ninety year old man lived in a rest home and got a weekend pass. He stopped in his favourite bar and sat at the end and ordered a drink. He noticed a seventy year old woman at the other end of the bar and he told the bartender to buy the lovely young lady a drink. As the evening progressed, the old man joined the lady and they went to her apartment, where they got it on. Four days later, the old man noticed that he was developing a drip, and he headed for the rest home doctor. After careful examination the doctor asked the old man if he had engaged in sex recently. The old man said, "Sure!" The doctor asked if he could remember who the woman was and where she lived. "Sure, why?" "Well you'd better get over there, you're about to cum!"
An 18th-century vagabond in
The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some food?" he asked.
The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted.
"Could I have a pint of ale?"
"No!" she shouted.
"Could I at least sleep in your stable?"
"No!" she shouted again.
The vagabond said, "might I please...?"
"What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish.
"D0 'ye suppose," he asked, "that I might have a word with George?"
PRICASO
Former Brisbane builder Tim Patch was finding it difficult to crack the art market until he dipped his quill in the ink, so to speak.
Under the artistic pseudonym "Pricasso", Patch uses his penis to paint portraits, landscapes and female nudes.
"I dip it in the paint and then apply it to the canvas," says the 56-year-old who grew up in England. "I began doing it at a party around Christmas time. Now I videotape all my work, because sometimes people don't believe me."
When the canvas became too rough on his "brush", he switched to paper, but has switched to a "smoothed-back canvas ... for a better effect".
He has painted portraits of John Howard and Kim Beazley and plans to unveil a portrait of Lord Mayor Clover Moore at this weekend's Sexpo.
Patch will also paint your portrait at the adult-entertainment event for $50-$100, depending on time taken.
This year's Sexpo also includes the world's first sex train. "The gerbil" contains automated mannequins simulating sexual acts and a re-enactment of Lorena Bobbitt cutting off part of John Bobbitt's penis.
"It is like a ghost train for adults," says Sexpo organiser John Ross.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
STINGRAY MIGRATION
Taken by an amateur photographer in the waters of the Gulf of Mexico, these photos show the great migration of the Cow-nose Stingrays from the Yucatan Peninsula to western Florida. They travel in compact packs of up to 10,000 individuals, following the counter-clockwise current to their summer feeding grounds.
These bovine-looking stingrays have a poisonous stinger, similar to the one that killed animal-lover Steve Irwin, but this doesn’t make them less pleasant to look at, especially during their migration.
GUIDO
Guido, the Italian Lover
The Italian Lover, a virile middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido, was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom, where he 'rattled' her senseless. After a pleasant interlude, he asked, with a smile, 'So, you finish?'
She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, 'No.'
Surprised, Guido reached for her and the lovemaking resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The lovemaking finally ended and again, Guido smiled and asked, 'You finish?'
Again, after a short pause, she returned his smile, cuddled closer to him and softly said, 'No.'
Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reached for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely managed it, but they ended together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.
Exhausted, Guido fell onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looked into her eyes, smiled proudly and asked again, 'You finish?'
Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispered in his ear, 'No, I Norwegian'.
Thanks to Mike Molloy
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Congratulations to the kids born in the 40's, 50's & 60's
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and \ or drank while they carried us.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a tin, and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a van - loose - was always great fun.
We drank water from the garden hosepipe and NOT from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cakes, white bread and real butter and drank pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because we were always outside playing.
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no text messaging, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.
We played with worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
Made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen we did not poke out any eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!
Local teams had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.They actually sided with the law!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.
Are you one of those people? If so – Congratulations!
Monday, June 23, 2008
LIFE IN THE 1500'S
The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:
-Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odour. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
-Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying: 'don't throw the baby out with the bath water'.
-Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs etc) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying: 'it's raining cats and dogs'.
-There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
-The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying: 'dirt poor'.
-The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying: a threshold.
-In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: 'peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old'.
-Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could 'bring home the bacon'. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and 'chew the fat'.
-Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
-Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.
-Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of 'holding a wake'.
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Now, whoever said history was boring?
PLEASE HELP SETTLE AN ARGUMENT
The Lady in question is Eileen Kinnear
please click here www2.harrow.gov.uk/mgMemberIndex.aspx? and see what you think.
While we are on the subject, is this a real name?
click here http://www.electraisd.net/alumni/display_class.aspx?y=1993
Last girl on the fifth row down.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Vilcus plug dactyloadapter
Any idea what it's for?
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Vilcus dactyloadapter was developed specially for people who enjoy closing electrical circuits with their own fingers.
Many people get a kick out of direct contact with AC power supply. To that end, people normally use
ALWAYS HAVE YOUR CAMERA READY
Last Tuesday, Lori Mehmen looked out her front door in Orchard, Iowa and this is what she saw. She had a digital camera handy, and somehow managed to take this photo before crapping her pants and taking cover. This, my friends, is why always having a camera nearby is helpful. Oh, and no one was injured during this tornado, fortunately.
