WHATEVER HAPPENED TO KIM WILDE ???

Kim, now 47, who shot to fame in 1981 with the single Kids in America, was seen out shopping in London's Covent Garden yesterday.

Kim was a big star in the 80s in the US and the UK with hit songs including 'Kids in America'

She stepped out in once vertically sprayed bleach-blonde hair piled loosely atop her head in a shaggy ponytail, and her face unblemished by the heavy eyeliner she once favoured.

And she was practically unrecognisable from her chart-topping days as she enjoyed a spot of shopping at boutique Agnes B.

Her make-up free face exposed her weather-worn looks, and clearly her work outdoors as a gardener has taken its toll on her once fresh-faced look.

Dressed in tight black jeans, and a faded t-shirt, the former singer looked a world away from the confident young rocker who stormed the UK and US charts with her debut single.

The daughter of Fifties and Sixties pop star Marty Wilde, Kim performed in concert all over the world. She released ten hit albums and more than 30 singles.

She is due to make a brief return to music, as a DJ on Virgin Radio as a DJ over the Easter weekend.

Kim will present Virgin Radio Party Classics between 6pm and 10pm, replacing regular host Tony Hadley, the former Spandau Ballet singer.

"Kim is an absolute 80s icon and a sex kitten to boot," said Mark Bingham, the programme manager at Virgin Radio.

POLITICAL PARTY

QUICKIES

I came downstairs this morning and the wife was by the stove cooking breakfast in her slippers. I said to myself "I must buy her a frying pan!"

I came home last week and said to the wife, "I've heard the milkman has shagged every woman in this street but one"
She replied, "God, I bet it's that stuck up bitch from number 20!"

A teacher says to her class of kids "We are all descended from Adam and Eve". A little boy puts his hand up and says "My dad says we all descended from apes!". To which the teacher replies "We're not talking about your lot Rastus!!!!!"

Husband says to his wife "I had a wet dream about you last night".
"Really?" replies the wife
"yes. You fell off a cliff and I pissed myself laughing"

We are always told we should look after and keep an eye on our old neighbours. Why the fuck should we? My 87 year old neighbour is such a lazy bitch, she hasn't even taken her milk or newspapers in for two weeks.

Scientists have warned that 260,000 Muslims could die as a result of global warming.
On a more serious note my dog's got fleas.

Two Irishmen had a nightmare day visting the sperm bank in London. Paddy missed the tube and Murphy came on the bus.

Wife gets naked and asks hubby, "what turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?".
Hubby looks her up and down and replies, "your fucking sense of humour".

WHAT BRITISH COMEDY WAS THAT?

Can't remember who starred in what British comedy show?
Click here they have all the answers /www.phill.co.uk/index.html

EASY MOVIE QUIZ

NAME THE MOVIE
ANSWERS: CLICK ON COMMENTS

DO YOU THINK THESE PICTURES ARE REAL???

LETTER TO THE THAMES VALLEY POLICE

Dear Sir,

I would like to report a THEFT. A friend of mine from Birmingham recently posted me some Class A narcotics in a jiffy bag. The package, sir, never arrived, and I can only assume that a Royal Mail employee has stolen it. These vermin are clearly hiding behind the fact that I cannot complain it without incrimating myself, so they think they are safe.

Well bollocks to it. When one has chosen, as I have chosen, to devote one's life to supplying the British teenager with really good heroin, it is galling to be thwarted at every turn by petty thieves. What am I supposed to tell my customers? They were relying on that heroin to get them through their GCSEs. You are probably thinking, "Oh, so what if a few junkies don't get their drugs." But if you had seen the tears on a child's face, when it has been deprived of its fix, you might not be so thick-skinned.

So instead of mincing around in aprons at your masonic functions, like poncing great pooftahs, why don't you get out into the Post Offices for a change, and crack down on the real criminals? Or are you too busy acting the goat in your shiny new helicopters at $800 an hour?

I'm just glad I don't pay my taxes.

Yours faithfully,

H Hutton

FEAR....

DICKHEADS OF THE WEEK

Pair dress in 'dead dog' jumpers

The couple's friend spun the dog hair into wool for the jumpers

A Newcastle couple have found a unique way of keeping their beloved dead pets close to their hearts - by having the dog hair made into woolly jumpers.

Beth and Brian Willis lost their white Samoyed, called Kara, 12 years ago and Swedish Lapphund, Penny, in 2002.

After seeing a picture of Princess Diana wearing a dog fur stole at Crufts, they collected thousands of dog hairs from brushes and carpets.

The pair said the his and hers dog memorials were "warm and waterproof".

Mr Willis, who worked for Pickfords Removals for 27 years, wears his doggy jumper into town every Saturday to do the weekly shop.

The 73-year-old said: "They are extremely warm and pretty much waterproof. I've always got a sweat on by the time I get from the bus to the shops."

Mother-of-three Mrs Willis first used the fur of Kara, to knit her husband's sweater in 1990.

Some think it's disgusting and ask how we can do it, but it seems very normal to us Beth Willis

Mrs Willis, 71, said she had the idea after seeing a picture of Princess Diana wearing a dog fur stole at Crufts.

She said: "Kara was a pedigree Samoyed. She was so posh, if she could have talked she'd not have spoken to the likes of us.

"We found out from the breeders we got the pups from that it was possible to use their coat for clothes.

"It is the most amazing stuff. It's like mohair but more lightweight and more soft, and the more you wash it, the more soft and fluffy it gets."

Mrs Willis added: "People are surprised when they find out we're wearing dog wool clothes. Some think it's disgusting and ask how we can do it, but it seems very normal to us."

Even now, Mrs Willis has enough hair left over to make a new jumper, and it has been sent to a friend in Derby to be spun.

IN MEMORY OF 4,000 DEAD

In remembrance of the 4,000 brave men and women who sacrificed everything for us -- and the two men who would continue this great tragedy, despite the cost to our soldiers, our military, and our nation.

Click the picture it's amazing

QUESTIONS I CAN'T ANSWER

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Did you ever stop and wonder......

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its bum."

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on……. Yes, it caught me too!

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

GREAT MUSIC VIDEO SITE

Goldmine of links to Hundreds of Music Videos

Click the link below


http://www.noolmusic.com/blogs/z_YouTube_Music_Videos_80s_90s_New_Wave_Rock_Pop_-_Full_List.shtml

11 REASONS WHY LIVERPOOL WILL WIN THE LEAGUE....NEXT SEASON

BASIL BRUSH CLEARED OF RACISM

BASIL BRUSH CLEARED OF RACISM

I say, do you know, I went into the local sweet shop to buy myself a quarter of everlasting gobstoppers the other day, only to discover it had been taken over by a bunch of foreigners!

I approached the counter and asked the man for me sweeties: "A quarter of your finest gobstoppers please, my good squire!" The fella behind the counter shook his head and pointed to a load of pongy old sausages hanging from the ceiling. I took one look at the ghastly things and told him: "Pheeeww! If you think I'm eating any of your dirty, foreign muck you must be a Scotch egg short of a picnic."

When I got home, I told Mr Nick I'd changed my mind and that I would be attending the BNP meeting that night, after all. The sooner we get rid of these lazy, stinking Polak scumbags, the better.

The Blooming Nice People meeting was such an absolute scream! Mr Nick is the head cheese there, and he invited yours truly to make a speech. I wasn't too sure at first, but he offered a ruddy great slap-up meal as a reward. Anyway, after I'd told everybody how I really, really hate blackies, chinks, pakis and frogs, this nice man called Mr David got up and made a super little speech about how the Jews are a bunch of moaning minnies and those who say that millions died in horrific circumstances during the war had just imagined it and that they should jolly well buck their ideas up!

After the meeting, Mr Nick and I went to an Indian restaurant and had chicken and chips and ice cream for afters. Both of us turned our noses up when they presented us with the foreign menu. Who wants to end up smelling like Mr and Mrs Patel round the corner? Pooo! What a bloomin' awful whiff!

Mr Nick and myself visited the council today to complain about a group of gypsies who've been camping on the roundabout. The man at the council said that they were perfectly within their rights, and that we shouldn't call them pikeys, gippoes or any other 'racialist' names. "Ooooooh," I said, and scrunched up my nose. Then Mr Nick very kindly picked me up and I bit the bit the daft-looking twit right in the goolies!

I've never seen Mr Nick quite so angry - apart from that time he got jolly batey when those two queer fellows next door asked to borrow some butter. Anyway, he told me to jump in the car as we had a little job to do. Soon enough we were racing through the darkened streets towards the gypsy encampment, where we waited until midnight before torching the place. On the way home I turned to Mr Nick and said: "How's that for a camp fire?"

Boom! Boom!

10 MOST HISTORICALLY INACCURATE MOVIES OF ALL TIME

1. We all accept that movies stretch the truth in the interest of building drama. The following ten flicks, however, treat the truth like it was Silly Putty -- pulling and twisting it until it's unrecognizable.
2. 

   10,000 B.C.
   Director Roland Emmerich is usually a stickler for realism (see: sending a computer virus via Macintosh to aliens in Independence Day). So we hate to inform him that woolly mammoths were not, in fact, used to build pyramids. Heck, woolly mammoths weren't even found in the desert. They wouldn't need to be woolly if that were the case. And there weren't any pyramids in Egypt until 2,500 B.C or so.

   Movie Info |  Trailers & Clips |  Production Photos
3. 

   Gladiator
   Emperor Commodus was not the sniveling sister-obsessed creep portrayed in the movie. A violent alcoholic, sure, but not so whiny. He ruled ably for over a decade rather than ineptly for a couple months. He also didn't kill his father, Marcus Aurelius, who actually died of chickenpox. And instead of being killed in the gladiatorial arena, he was murdered in his bathtub.

   Movie Info |  Trailers & Clips |  Production Photos
4. 

   300
   Though this paean to ancient moral codes and modern physical training is based on the real Battle of Thermopylae, the film takes many stylistic liberties. The most obvious one being Persian king Xerxes was not an 8-foot-tall Cirque du Soleil reject. The Spartan council was made up of men over the age of 60, with no one as young as Theron (played by 37-year-old Dominic West). And the warriors of Sparta went into battle wearing bronze armor, not just leather Speedos.

   Movie Info |  Trailers & Clips |  Production Photos
5. 

   The Last Samurai
   The Japanese in the late 19th century did hire foreign advisers to modernize their army, but they were mostly French, not American. Ken Watanabe's character was based on the real Saigo Takamori who committed ritual suicide, or "seppuku," in defeat rather than in a volley of Gatling gun fire. Also, it's doubtful that a 40-something alcoholic Civil War vet, even one with great hair, would master the chopsticks much less the samurai sword.

   Movie Info |  Trailers & Clips |  Production Photos
6. 

   Apocalypto
   This one movie has given entire Anthropology departments migraines. Sure the Maya did have the odd human sacrifice but not to Kulkulkan, the Sun God, and only high-ranking captives taken in battle were killed. The conquistadors arriving at the end of the film made for unlikely saviors: an estimated 90% of indigenous American population was killed by smallpox from their infected livestock.

   Movie Info |  Trailers & Clips |  Production Photos
7. 

   Memoirs of a Geisha
   The geisha coming-of-age, called "mizuage," was really more of a makeover, where she changed her hairstyle and clothes. It didn't involve her getting... intimate with a client. In the climactic scene where Sayuri wows Gion patrons with her dancing prowess, her routine - which involves some platform shoes, fake snow, and a strobe light - seems more like a Studio 54 drag show than anything in pre-war Kyoto.

   Movie Info |  Trailers & Clips |  Production Photos
8. 

   Braveheart
   Let's forget the fact that kilts weren't worn in Scotland until about 300 years after William Wallace's day and just do some simple math. According to the movie, Wallace's blue-eyed charm at the Battle of Falkirk was so overpowering, he seduced King Edward II's wife, Isabella of France, and the result of their affair was Edward III. But according to the history books, Isabella was three years old at the time of Falkirk, and Edward III was born seven years after Wallace died.

   Movie Info |  Production Photos
9. 

   Elizabeth: The Golden Age
   In 1585, when the movie takes place, Queen Elizabeth was 52 years old - Cate Blanchett was 36 when she shot the film - and was not being courted by suitors like Ivan the Terrible (who was dead by then). And though the movie has her rallying the troops at Tilbury astride a white steed in full armor with a sword, in fact she rode side saddle, carrying a baton. She was more of a regal majorette than Joan of Arc.

   Movie Info |  Trailers & Clips |  Production Photos
10. 

    The Patriot
    Revolutionary War figure Francis "The Swamp Fox" Marion was the basis for Mel Gibson's character, but he wasn't the forward-thinking family man they show in the flick. He was a slave owner who didn't get married (to his cousin) until after the war was over. Historians also say that he actively persecuted and murdered native Cherokees. Plus, the thrilling Battle of Guilford Court House where he vanquishes his British nemesis? In reality, the Americans lost that one.

    Movie Info |  Trailers & Clips |  Production Photos
11. 

    2001: A Space Odyssey
    According to this film, in year 2001 we would have had manned voyages to Jupiter, a battle of wits with a sentient computer, and a quantum leap in human evolution. Instead we got the Mir Space Station falling from the sky, Windows XP, and Freddy Got Fingered. Apparently the lesson here is that sometimes it's better when the movies get the facts all wrong.

    Movie Info |  Trailers & Clips |  Production Photos

HEATHER MILLS JOKES

I see it it didn't take long for all the jokes about Paul McCartney and Heather Mills to start. Personally, I think it's prosthetic.

What’s the difference between northern rock and heather mills?

One is on its last legs and fucks old people for their money the other is a building society.

Paul McCartney denies his ex wife is unstable...

Macca said, "Just stick a beer mat under one leg and she hardly wobbles at all".

These jokes are funny but let's spare a thought for Paul please. Now she has left him, he's going to struggle to find another woman who can fill her shoe

In an interview about his failed marriage, Sir Paul McCartney
was asked if he would ever go down on one knee again
In response he said, "I'd prefer it if you called her Heather."

Mrs Mills- McCartney is said to be distraught over the court case "He has
been my crutch for so long!!" She said in an earlier briefing, "I have
no idea why he is saying these things, I'm really stumped"

Hey we under estimate poor Heather, she's actually very intelligent you know! Last year she qualified for the World Chess Masters... unfortunately though she didn't quite make it to the second leg.

In happier times, Paul was taking Heather to the doctor for a checkup. He came to the nurse at reception and said "This is my wife with a prosthetic leg named Heather", to which the nurse replied "What's the name of her other leg?"

Paul was upset with his wife Heather Mills because her favorite music was Hip Hop.

We call her Heather McHalfknee in our house.....

AND HERE WE HAVE A PICTURE OF HEATHER SPENDING THE DIVORCE MONEY.