Terrific optical illusion

One of the best optical illusions I have ever seen! Take a careful look at the picture below and after a few seconds, you can see a boat in the background.

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I'VE JUST HAD THIS INSTALLED IN MY CAR

THE PASSION THAT UNITES US ALL

GRANDMA PASSED HER TEST

My Grandma passed her driving test last week... now I happen to think she is a good driver, but my brother says she bribed the examiner. I didn't believe it until he showed me the photograph.

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STARE AT THIS.

THIS LOOKS LIKE AN OPTICAL ILLUSION, BUT IT'S JUST A PHOTOGRAPH

SMOKING, DRINKING AND SHAGGING ADVERTS

click to enlarge

JIMMY CARR QUICKIES

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, why not? I said, because you look fat.

I thought that I saw your name on a bag of bread, but when I reread it, it said "Thick Cut".

"You should always unplug appliances before going to bed at night. There are two exceptions to this rule: Fridges and life-support machines. Otherwise you could end up wasting a lot of vegetables"

If we are all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?

I saw Lee Majors the bionic man the other day on the Royal Mile. He looked a million dollars... he's really let himself go...

Remember the Y2K scare. "I got confused. I thought it was a K.Y. scare, so I bought 2000 jars of personal lubricant. I still have some."

I've got a friend whose nickname is "Donger". You might think that's pretty cool. She doesn't like it.

Sting is always boasting about his eight-hour tantric sex sessions with his wife, Trudie Styler. Imagine how long he could keep it up if she was a looker.

Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning.

When someone close to you dies, move seats.

Are You Dirty Minded???

1). What is a four-letter word that ends in k and means the same as intercourse?

2). What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of?

3). What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it?

4). What word starts with f and ends with u-c-k?

5). Name five words that are each four letters long, end in u-n-t, one of which is a word for a woman?

6). What does a dog do that you can step into?

7). What four letter word begins with f and ends with k, and if you can't get one you can use your hands?

8). What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat?

9). What four-letter word ends in i-t and is found on the bottom of birdcages?

10). What is it that all men have one of; it's longer on some men than on others; the pope doesn't use his; and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?

ANSWERS:
1. (talk)
2. (legs)
3. (a twenty dollar bill)
4. (firetruck)
5. (bunt, hunt, runt, punt, aunt)
6. (pants)
7. (fork)
8. (Snickers candy bar)
9. (grit)
10. (last name)

LOS ANGELES SCHOOL EXAM

City of Los Angels
High School Math Proficiency Exam

Name________________________Gang____________________

1. Johnny has a AK47 with and 80 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 18 times at each drive-by-shooting, how many drive-by-shootings can he attempt before he has to reload?

2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocain and he sells an 8 ball to Jack for $320 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per grams, what is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it?

3. Rufus is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for hes $800 per day crack habit?

4. Jarome wants to cut his 1/2 pound of heroin to makes 20% more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need?

5. Willie gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy, and $100 for a 4x4. If he stolen 2 BMW's and 3 4x4's , how many Chevy's will he have to steal to make $800?

6. Roal is in prison for 6 years for murder. He go $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife is spending $100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out of prison and how many years will he get for killing the bitch that spent his money?

7. If the average spray can covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 8 square feet, how many letters can a taggy spray with 3 cans of paint?

8. Hector knocked up 6 girls in his gang. There are 27 girls in the gang. What percentage of the girls in the gang has Hector knocked up.

NEW CHANNEL CROSSING RECORD

Helen Radford-St John of Manchester set a record on Monday by becoming the first person to cross the English Channel by floating motionless in the water and allowing only the channel currents to carry her across.

This unique feat has only been previously attempted on three occasions, all ending in failure. After her crossing, which took 2 days, 17 hours, and 43 minutes to accomplish, Miss Radford-St John said "I never doubted for a moment that I would make it. I want to thank everyone who believed in me. It really is a dream come true for me."


The accompanying file photo shows Helen in training for her record feat.

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Warning!


Yesterday, one of my neighbours was car-hijacked at a traffic light !

A young woman proposes to wash your car window while you wait at the red light, and an other one takes advantage of it to open the back door and steal everything she can grab.

Be warned, they are very well organised!!!

Don't leave your doors or windows open if you drive up to a red light!

If your windows get washed.........Don't look at them, they try to distract you.

Attached is a photograph of one of them taken by someone who has been robbed...

Please inform your friends of this new scam.

Above all -- DO NOT BE SIDETRACKED !!

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I'M BUSY WITH WORK FOR A WHILE

Dear Friends,

I sincerely request that you stop sending me e-mails for a couple of days.

I have a bunch of work piled up and I need to get to it as soon as possible.

I will eventually answer all your e-mails and phone calls but for the next few days I will be completely buried in work.

I know some of you are thinking that's not possible so I included a photo of the pile of work I have ahead of me.

Wish me luck.

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MEASURE YOUR DILLY WACKER

Using the keyboard to measure your DillyWhacker

1. Disrobe and stand by your keyboard. Rest your left testicle in the rounded hollow on top of the "1" key. Rest your right testicle in the key immediately below that (the Q key on a standard keyboard, probably something different on the Dvorak keyboard. You lumberjacks may have to use the A or even the Z key).

2. Grasp your thing in your right hand and slap it firmly across the number key row on your keyboard. (For instance, my result is ``1234567890-+'' the backspace key removes the.)

3. Place a copy of the June, 1981 Playboy open to the centerfold at a distance of 2.5 feet. Rest your thing on the keyboard and stare intently at the girl pictured for five minutes or until your feet leave the ground. Repeat the above test.

Cautions

1. Do not attempt this test after swimming. You will skew the results.

2. Black men may wish to use a special extended keyboard, or place two keyboards end to end.

3. If you try this test on a public keyboard, you may want to swab it down with alcohol first.

4. On some keyboards, severe sparking may result. Be sure to keep a fire extinguisher handy, and DON'T BE AFRAID TO USE IT. Test can also be used to diagnose some genital disorders.

Test Results Diagnosis

1 -- You suffer from Short Penis Syndrome

12367 -- You have a strange gap in your penis

12efgbn -- Your penis has a right hand bend; sometimes called Jerker's Lean.

12wgui,l=]\ -- Seek immediate medical care.

SEXY TOOTHBRUSHES???

ARE THESE TOOTHBRUSHES SEXY OR IS IT MY WARPED MIND?

TOP 10 TIPS OF THE WEEK

BIRD FLU could be quickly and easily eradicated by adding a few drops of Lemsip or Daynurse to birdbaths. Obviously, you would have to put Nightnurse in the birdbaths for owls.

SALAD LOVERS. A clever way to store lettuce, cabbage and the like is to individually punch holes in the leaves and place them in a ring-binder in the fridge. File Cos under 'C', Iceberg under 'I' and so on. Simple!

LADY drivers. Draw a little diagram on a Post-it showing the position of the hand brake and gearstick, and stick it to your dashboard. This will save you having to look for them when the lights go green.

SHOPPERS. When buying oranges, get more for your money by peeling them before taking them to the counter to be weighed.

FATTIES. Take a tip from smokers and stop your cravings for chips by Sellotaping a crisp to the top of your arm each morning.

SUPERMARKETS. Help promote healthy living by putting your cakes, ice creams, pies etc. in aisles that are too narrow for fatties to fit through.

SINGLE men. Get a glimpse of married life by taping Woman's Hour on Radio 4, then playing it back at a higher volume than the TV whilst trying to watch Match of the Day.

MURDERERS Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to yourself via DHL. You will never see it again.

BURGLARS. When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm sticking out at 90?, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they set one of their dogs on you.

DON'T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.

Thanks to VIZ www.viz.co.uk/

TWO GREAT LIVERPOOL FANS VIDEO'S THANKS TO MY BROTHER GARY

IF YOU CAN'T SEE IT CLICK HERE

www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjVJETz7lfk

ANOTHER GREAT TRIBUTE TO THE BEST FANS IN THE WORLD.. click here

www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Wj7B35ceBA