INCREDIBLE 5 YEAR OLD GYMNAST / DANCER

Ridiculously Amazing Toddler Gymnast - Watch more Sports Videos

KIDS LOVE SANTA....

KIDS!!!!

10 ways to tell if your Amish kid is headed for trouble

• Sometimes stays in bed until after 5 am.
• In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.
• Shows up at barn raisings in full “Kiss” makeup.
• When you criticize him, he yells, “Thou sucketh!”
• His name is Jebediah, but he goes by “Jeb Daddy.”
• Defiantly says, “If I had a radio, I’d listen to rap.”
• You come upon his secret stash of colored socks.
• Uses slang expression: “Talk to the hand, ’cause the beard ain’t listening.”
• Was recently pulled over for “driving under the influence of cottage cheese.”
• He’s wearing his big black hat backwards.

OUCH

No Running in the House!

How many times have we been told...and told our children NOT to run in the house? Did we always listen? Do they listen? Not always.
Sometimes our seemingly futile efforts fail, and 'boo-boo's' happen.
Here is a little feller who didn't listen, and he got his own souvenir scars. Perhaps he'll learn from his mistake.

Doesn't look SO bad. Perhaps he should keep this next photo handy
to explain the way it happened - - - -
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WHAT IS HELL

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT


The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.
So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate
at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world to day.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives us two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman
year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

THE PERFECT GIFT FOR AMERICAN SCHOOLCHILDREN

OF COURSE THEY'RE SCISSORS

There are times when kids draw something and you just have to say... 'Wow, tell me about your picture,' because you have no clue what it is.........................

This one you know right away...Enjoy!

OF COURSE THEY'RE SCISSORS!

QUOTE FROM THE MUM:

THIS IS MY KINDERGARTNER'S ARTISTIC RENDERING OF A PAIR OF SCISSORS. I WONDER WHAT HIS TEACHER THOUGHT. I ALLOWED MYSELF JUST A SMALL SMIRK WHEN I SAW IT.

I WAITED UNTIL HE WAS OUT OF THE ROOM UNTIL I STARTED LAUGHING.

WELL, OF COURSE THEY'RE SCISSORS.

IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WITH A SMALL CHILD OR IF YOU ARE A TEACHER YOU WILL LOVE THIS!

AS YOU WILL OF COURSE ALL KNOW, I WILL BE REQUIRED TO PROUDLY DISPLAY THIS ON MY REFRIGERATOR FOR A LENGTH OF TIME.................

HOW OLD IS THIS GIRL???

Mummy's little Lolita: The girl whose beauty treatments cost £300 a month to make her look like Barbie

She wore her first set of false eyelashes at eight, and her beauty treatments cost £300 a month. A sick abuse of an 11-year-old? 'No', insists Sasha's mother, 'I just want her to be famous...'

At 11, Sasha Bennington is too young to remember the days when Jordan was just a country and being branded 'fake' was something to be ashamed of.

But maybe the youngster's biggest tragedy is that her mother, Jayne, 31, is in no hurry to paint a picture of how it used to be.

All about the look: Sasha Bennington is just 11 but her mother loves the way she looks

Jayne is talking breezily about how Sasha had her first set of false nails glued on at eight, and now enjoys the sort of rigorous beauty regime - hair extensions, fake tans, pedicures - that was once the preserve of porn stars and Dolly Parton, not school children from Burnley in Lancashire.

Still, times have changed. 'All the kids are at it now,' insists Jayne. 'We spend about £300 a month on beauty treatments for her.

'Sasha's friends are the same. All girls their age are. Of course they are! Why else would you be able to buy make-up for pre-teens at Boots?

'Perhaps it's different in country areas, where they don't need to grow up so fast. But, around big cities, girls have got to be more forward and act older than they are. That's just the way it is.

'I don't understand why people get so upset about it. None of it is permanent. Tans wash off. Hair extensions come out. Why all the fuss?'

Just over a year ago, there was fuss galore when Jayne entered Sasha (then ten) in the junior Miss British Isles competition - Britain's first adult-style beauty pageant for children.

Former glamour model Jayne and daughter Sasha attend beauty pageants all over the world

It wasn't an altogether beautiful experience. Jayne tells me she was uneasy about the way the contest was run, citing odd rules about how much make-up should be applied to those pre-pubescent faces and including confusing clauses about how contestants could bring make-up artists but should try to look 'natural'.

At first, I think she is criticising the organisers for encouraging the children to look too adult. Wrong!

She means the girls - some of whom were still toddling - weren't allowed to look adult enough.

'Because this country doesn't have a tradition of this sort of thing, the organisers didn't quite know how to play things. Looking back, it was all very conservative. They kept saying they wanted the girls to look natural. Why? Let them slap it on! What's the harm?'

Earlier this year, Jayne was given free rein with the blusher when Sasha became the first British child to dip a scarlet-tipped toe into the American pageant scene.

Jayne was at her side, helping her practise her sashay.

The pair took a documentary team with them, and found what you'd expect at a U.S. beauty pageant held in a down-market-looking Texan hotel: mums parading their daughters like prize poodles, kids who look disturbingly like mini Celine Dions, and enough lipgloss to pose a drowning risk to the tiniest entrants.

Jayne says: 'Sasha's friends are the same. All girls their age are. Of course they are! Why else would you be able to buy make-up for pre-teens at Boots?'

There was a jaw-dropping moment in the film - Sasha, Beauty Queen At 11, to be shown on July 14 on BBC3 at 9pm - when the pageant veteran charged with showing Sasha the ropes demonstrates how to walk like a beauty queen.

She explains how to turn your body round while holding the judges' eyes, before flipping your head round at the last minute 'like that Exorcist child'.

Sasha might not have won, but Jayne loved the process, describing it as 'the best fun ever'. 'It was just fantastic,' she says.

'What you see in U.S. pageants really is what you get. It's weird, but brilliant. They take it so seriously, which can only be good for someone like Sasha.

'All the mums were up at 6am so they could get started on hair and make-up.

'And everything is just the best. No expense is spared. You have to spend £2,000 on a pageant dress over there. I thought £500 for one here was a lot. The one we bought Sasha was out of this world.

'We went to this huge shop where there was every colour and style you could imagine. Sasha just ran through all the dresses, she was in her element.

Jayne talks about Sasha's media 'career', believing her daughter is a bona fide celebrity, and is proud to have been instrumental in making that happen

'Back home, we have to buy an adult dress and get it altered to fit, but there they are totally geared up for girls her age.

'The pageant was like a dream. The girls are encouraged to put on masses of make-up. It was just like a big theatrical event, like being transported to another world.'

Underpinning the fairy tale, though, was a deep desire to win.

'I fell in love with a pink dress that made her look like a princess, but the people advising us told us you should always match the dress to the eyes - so we went for green.

'That was OK, though. I wasn't there to have the dress I wanted. I was there so that Sasha could win. I was amazed at how much there was to learn, but I knew I was in the hands of the experts.'

Jayne and her husband, Martin, spent £26,000 on Sasha's presents, which included a swimming pool

It seems that the main lesson learned was that her darling daughter could look like a plastic Barbie, and be rewarded with a sash to prove it.

'People always said she looked like a Barbie in Miss British Isles, but the girls in Texas truly did,' enthuses Jayne.

'It was wonderful. I watched them on the catwalk, with their arms held so precisely, walking slowly and turning just so. They reminded me of little ballerina dolls.'

What sort of mother wants her daughter to look like a doll? The image I have in my head is of Exorcist Barbie, but Jayne sees something else entirely.

Her response to the pageant pictures of Sasha - looking shocking with deep red lips and heavily smoked eyes - probably says more about her than her daughter.

'The pictures are amazing, and Sasha is such a lucky girl to have them. I'd love to have those sort of pictures, nice pictures, rather than ones you hide away because you can't bear to look at them.'

It was about the same time she started dabbling in beauty pageants that Jayne declared she wanted her daughter to be the next Jordan. She still does.

'Of course. Jordan is her idol and I fully support her in that. She's a great role model, this really down-to-earth woman who has made a big success of her life. She's a better role model than Britney Spears - any day.'

Jayne always saw the public parading of Sasha as crucial to this goal, so maybe it's not surprising that she pushed the child Stateside, into a world few in Britain understand.

She chatters away about Sasha's media 'career', believing her daughter is a bona fide celebrity, and is proud to have been instrumental in making that happen.

'She's been on TV with Lorraine Kelly. What girl of her age can say that?

''I'm really proud that I've helped her get to this stage by giving her all the opportunities I can. Going to the States was just the next stage in all of this, and it's been worthwhile.

'We've been told she could have a really good future in American pageants, but anything is possible - film, adverts, mainstream modelling. I want Sasha to have all the options.'

In the forthcoming documentary, Jayne takes Sasha to a major agency, in the hope that she will be signed up.

'People say she looks like Barbie' - Jayne is so proud of her daughter's success

The model booker says a vehement 'no', horrified by her portfolio, and tells Jayne that clients want their child models to look like children, and that for this sort of career success she would have to stop bleaching Sasha's hair and encouraging her to wear plastic nails. Jayne refuses to comply.

It comes as no surprise that Jayne used to be a model herself, and one who worked in the 'glamour' side of the business.

She started at 23 - which, she explains, was 'far too late' for real career success - and now believes that earlier is better, in order to maximise profit and notoriety.

One of her own happiest memories is of entering a beauty pageant and winning the coveted sash. 'I was on top of the world. One day I was an ordinary clerical worker, the next everyone was looking at me. It was wonderful.

'I'd never been a particularly pretty child. I was always short and fat - not like Sasha - but I did OK with the modelling. Who knows what would have happened if I'd started earlier?'

Is it a coincidence that Jayne would have been working as a promotional model when Jordan came along and changed all the rules about how restrictive such a career can be.

She boasts she has met the pneumatic queen of the glamour world, and was even photographed with her.

They were both products of their time. As she watched Jordan achieve extraordinary mainstream success, Jayne tried to forge her own path in the new world, where everything crass and ostentatious was celebrated rather than shunned.

She set up a limo hire business, and tried to get a foothold in the reality TV world, appearing on Wife Swap. Then she turned her attentions to Sasha - getting her in front of the cameras became paramount.

When I ask whether this latest pageant business is just about her trying to realise her own thwarted ambitions through her daughter, she is offended - but only because the question assumes her career is over, which she denies.

'I might go back and do some more modelling. Who knows? If something comes up. I'm not past it yet.'

She maintains it has always been Sasha who has driven her own 'career' forward. Even as a baby she was a 'total poser', playing up for the cameras and basking in the attention.

'She's always wanted to be a model, 100per cent. I'm just helping her do what she wants, like any good parent would. It's not pushing her into anything. I hate it when people say I'm a pushy parent. I'm not. I just want the best for her.'

Yet can 'the best' really involve holding her hand as she steps into a terrifyingly sexualised world? It is Jayne herself who says that her daughter looks 'about 18' when she has full make-up on.

'But, even without make-up, she looks about 13 or 14, certainly older than her age.'

She thinks this is a good thing and brushes off questions about unwelcome male attention.

'People go on about the paedophile thing, but they've got that one wrong. Paedophiles don't want girls who look 18. If anything, it's the fresh-faced younger ones they want.

'And so what if she poses in a bikini? There are plenty of 11-year-old girls on beaches in bikinis. If people have a problem with it, I'd say it is their problem, not mine.

'Besides, as I keep saying, this is what Sasha wants.'

And what Sasha wants, Sasha clearly gets. Last Christmas, Jayne and her husband, Martin, a builder who works all over the UK and is barely at home, spent £26,000 on Sasha's presents, which included a swimming pool.

Martin seems to exert no influence at all - 'I leave all that to Jayne,' he says.

Has Jayne ever stopped Sasha doing anything? 'She wanted to get her belly button pierced and I said no,' she says.

This is puzzling. Sasha clearly has her belly button pierced, and is happy to display the evidence in her photo shoots. What happened? She sniggers. 'Maybe I gave in. Yeah. I'm not always that strict with her.

'People can say what they want. I know there is nothing bad about what I'm doing. I'm just helping my daughter make something of her life. Any good mum would do the same.'

After our interview, Jayne will be taking Sasha to cheerleading classes, in a further bid to realise that all-American dream.

She makes Sasha practise her cheerleading wherever she goes - even pushing her into the middle of the floor in restaurants. Why?

'You have to be out there, being noticed, even at a bus stop. What if Andrew Lloyd Webber walks past?'

What will become of the child, who turns just 12 in two weeks? We might hope for a reverse teenage rebellion - one in which she dyes her hair mousey brown and professes a desire to study political science at university - but it's unlikely.

Ask Sasha how she sees herself and she replies: 'Blonde, pretty, dumb - I don't need brains.' Her mum laughs her head off at this, proud that the child is so like her. AND HERE IS THE STUPID MOTHER

A TRIP LET PREGNANCY IN PICTURES

CLICK PICTURE TO ENLARGE

NEVER TOO EARLY TO START

ROLLER SKATE UNDER 40 CARS

http://view.break.com/491807 - Watch more free videos

BROTHERS AND SISTERS

SILLY SILLY BOY

KIDS SHOULDN'T SNORT COKE

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS

CLICK PICTURE TO ENLARGE, BUT BE WARNED IT'S NOT NICE!!

THE MIDDLE WIFE

The 'Middle Wife' by a friend who is a 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students.

It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stufflike that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them.

If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He atefor nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.

'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten.

Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

Thanks to Mick Molloy

ONE IN FOUR TEENS PRETENDING TO BE DEPRESSED

ONE in four teenagers is in a really bad place right now which is making them, like, incredibly sad and stuff, a new study reveals.

Nobody understands them, and adults all treat them like kids even though they are way more grown-up than they were at this age, and all do sex and drugs and everything.

It is also really unfair to have to come home from the party at midnight, and so embarrassing to get picked up from the door, and not from around the corner like was said earlier.

Sixth former Nikki Hollis said: "I just know that bitch Erin gave Sean a handjob at the housey I couldn't go to after I was grounded over the bong, and my hair looks awful.

"My friend Claire said they were in there for ages, and when they came out, his flies were all buttoned wrong, and the stupid cow had her skirt in her knickers.

"Apparently she's insisting nothing happened, but my gay friend Geoff says it's all over the men’s toilets."

Chris Cooper, a gap year student, said he was sure he had a spot coming on the end of his nose and that he wanted to kill himself.

He said: "I’m going to work in an African village next week and I look like a walking traffic light. It’s the worse thing that could ever happen to anyone, ever."

However, leading youth psychologist Henry Brubaker said: "It’s true, the world really does revolve around you, you snivelling bag of self-pitying hormonal tossers."

MORE BAD NEWS

A man's wife is giving birth to his son. After the birth, the doctor takes the man on one side and says- " Well, your son has been born, but we have some good news and some bad news." The man says " Ok, tell it me straight. "

The doctor looks at him and says " Well, your baby is going to be totally disabled. He is unable to feed himself, will never be able to walk or see, and will require constant care throughtout his life. The fact is, this isn't covered by your insurance, so its going to cost you a fortune- you will need to sell your car to pay for it. "

The man says- " Well, thats awful. But please, tell me the good news."

The doctor looks at him and says- " Mate, that WAS the good news. The bad news is that your baby is ginger. "

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GIVE ME AN 'F'

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'
Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should?be in the 3rd grade too!' Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?' Harry: '9.' Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?' Harry: '36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.' Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.' The principal and Harry both agreed. Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?' Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.' Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?' The principal wondered why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: 'Pockets.' Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?' Harry: 'Pants.' Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?' Harry: 'Coconut.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.' Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?' Harry: 'Shake hands.' The principal was trembling. Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?' Harry: 'Firetruck.' The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...

Thanks Shazza..