BEFORE YOU MARRY HIM... CHECK OUT HIS FAMILY

DAD

IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE DAUGHTER'S GOING TO LOOK LIKE. LOOK AT THE MOTHER.

SONG OF THE DAY 19/03

Summer Lovin'

Sung to the song "Summer Lovin" from Grease:

Bill: "Summer intern, had me a blast"

Monica: "White House intern, happened so fast"

Bill: "Met a girl, crazy for me"

Monica: "Met the prez, down on my knees"

Bill: "Summer days, sucking away, oh, i, but those summer nights"

Grand Jury: "Well, ah well, ah well, ah uh. Tell us more, tell us more"

Linda Tripp: "Try to remember your best"

Grand Jury: "Tell us more, tell us more"

Kenneth Starr: "Did he come on your dress?"

Grand Jury: Uh-huh....Uh-huh...Uh-huh....

Grand Jury: Uh-huh....Uh-huh....Uh-huh....

Bill: "Wanted to screw her but she had a cramp"

Monica: "The prez is sexy - he makes my pants damp"

Bill: "She gave me head, right in the White House"

Monica: "I said OK, just don't come in my mouth"

Bill: "Summer days, gobbling away, oh, i, but those summer nights"

Grand Jury: "Well, ah well, ah well, ah uh. Tell us more, tell us more"

Linda Tripp: "He sounds like a swell guy"

Grand Jury: "Tell us more, tell us more"

Kenneth Starr: "Did he tell you to lie?"

(Slower now)

Bill: "Press found out, it turned into a mess"

Monica: "He gave me fifty bucks to buy a new dress"

Bill: "She promised to lie, she made a vow"

Monica: "Wonder who is servicing him now"

Bill & Monica: "Sex filled dreams, ripped at the seams

But----oh--- Those White House Nights"

WHY GIRLS LIKE TIGHT SHORTS

MY WIFE HAS GONE MISSING

MISSING WIFE

PLEASE READ FIRST!

Dear Sir,

I am writing to ask your help in locating my missing wife.

We were on a wonderful trip to Africa for our honeymoon several months ago.

On our flight back, we had a connection in England and somehow became separated.

I had her paged for several hours and then contacted local and international police to assist me in locating her.

To date, all of our attempts to find her have been unsuccessful.

I am now desperate to find my lost love and am trying to use the Internet to locate her.

Please forward this to everyone you know so I can spread the word on locating my missing wife.

Mr. Richard Small
Portland, Oregon, USA

After a few weeks search ....

Dear Mr. Small,

We have found your wife in Africa of all places.

However, it is unknown how she got here, nor is she able to talk because of lockjaw, but we are under the impression that she does not want to leave.

We have tried for several days to bring her back home, but she is insistent on staying here.

I have enclosed a picture for you to see that she is okay. Do not worry, because she is in good hands here in this village.

Please contact us if there is anything else you might want to know.

Nairobi Police Department
See attached photo of your lost bride
Louis M. Barrie

JOKES OF THE DAY 18/03

A guy runs into this girl at a bar. After a few drinks and a little dancing, they decide that they're going to end up spending the night together. In the car on the way back to his house, she looks at him guiltily and says, "I have a confession to make. This bra that I'm wearing," she continues, "well, its padded."
He quickly responds, "that's okay, it doesn't matter."
"Its *really* padded," she adds. "I'm flat as a baby," she explains, "there's, like, nothing there."
"I guess thats okay," he follows, "I have a confession to make as well."
After a moment, he continues, "I'm, sorta, well, hung like a baby."
She ponders a moment and agrees that it really doesn't matter, and that they're both going to have fun anyway.
When they arrive at his house, they go into the bedroom and begin undressing. Sure enough, she removes her bra and she's so flat that you can see her ribs.
He smiles at her, takes his pants off, and his damn member hits the floor!
"What!" she exclaims, "I thought that you said you were hung like a baby!"
"I am," he replied, "8 pounds, 24 inches!"

Two men are sitting at a bar.
One impeccably dressed in an Armani suit the other in his work clothes.
The business man turns to the other and says
" I bought my wife a brand new BMW and a 5 carat diamond for mother's day"
The worker looks confused and say
"Why two such extravagant gifts?"
"Well...if she decides she doesn't like the ring she can drive her BMW back
to Tiffany's and exchange it for what she would prefer"
"Oh" says the worker" I did something similar for my wife"
"How so?" says the business man
"Well I bought her a pair of slippers and a dildo"
The business man looked truly confused
"Well..ye see..if she doesn't like the slippers she can go Fuck herself"