JOKES OF THE DAY 1/05

After digging to a depth of 100 metres last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.
So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200 meters and headlines in the US papers read: "US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibre, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians."
One week later, an Irish newspaper reported the following: "After digging as deep as 500 meters, Irish scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless technology."

A magician accidentally turned his wife into a sofa and his two kids into
armchairs. He started to panic and thought to himself, "What on earth have I done?"
He began to ponder, "How am I going to bring back my beloved family? I don't know any magic to turn them back into people! So, he thought
for a while and decided a good idea was to take them to a hospital
and see if the surgeon could operate and bring them back. He loaded
them into his van and off he rushed to the local hospital.
He walked up and down the hospital hall and after some serious surgery,
he asks the doctor, "Doc, how are they?"
The doctor replied, "Comfortable!"

A mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the bed. It was addressed,
"Mum"
With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands..... It read:-
Dear Mum:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing this. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you & Dad .
I've been finding real passion with Barbara and she is so nice even with all her piercings, tattoos, and her tight motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mum, she's pregnant and she assures me that we will be very happy.
Even though you don't care for her since she is so much older than I am, she already owns a trailer in the Moe and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.
Barbara taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we need.
In the meantime, we pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Barbara can get better; she deserves it!
Don't worry, Mum, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your Son,
Andy x

P.S. Mum, none of this is true. I am over at Ben’s house, but I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my school report. Which, is in my bedside drawer.
I love you!