nortygordytherudeone: 4/23/06

Friday, April 28, 2006

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CLASS AND SCUM

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

A decent chain letter as opposed to normal chain letters/pyramid schemes, this one costs nothing, and you can only win. Simply send this e-mail to 9 of your mates.

INSTRUCTIONS:
Anaesthetize your wife, put her in a large carton, (don't forget some ventilation holes), and send it to the person who is at the top of your list. Soon, your name will be at the top of the list, and you will receive 823,542 women through the post.

Statistically, among those women, will be at least: 0.5 Miss Worlds, 2.5 Models, 463 Wild nymphos, 3,234 Good-looking nymphos, 20,198 Who enjoy multiple orgasms, 40,198 Bi-sexual women.

In total, that is 64,294 women who are simply hornier, less inhibited, and tastier than the grumpy old bag you posted off. And, best of all, your original package is guaranteed not to be one of those that come back to you.

DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN LETTER. One bloke for example who sent the letter to only 5 instead of 9 of his friends got his original bird back, still in the old dressing gown he sent her off in, with the same old migraine attack, and the accusatorial expression on her face. On the same day, the international supermodel he'd been living with since he sent off his old girlfriend moved out to live with his best friend (to whom he had not sent the chain letter).

While I am sending this letter, the bloke that is in 6th place above me has already received 837 women and is lying in hospital suffering from exhaustion. Outside his ward are 452 more packages.

YOU MUST BELIEVE THIS E-MAIL.

This is a unique opportunity to achieve a totally satisfying sex life. No expensive meals out, no lengthy conversations about trivialities (that only interest women). No obligations, no grumpy mother-in-law, and no unpleasant surprises like marriage or engagement. Do not hesitate........send this letter today to 9 of your best friends.

PS. - Even when you have no girlfriend, you can send your vacuum cleaner; one of the other women that arrives will know how to use it.

PPS. - This letter can also be copied to women you know so that they can prepare themselves for the great adventure that they may soon undertake.

NURSERY RHYMES FOR ADULTS

Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides,
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt
twas split right up the front,
...but she didn't wear that one very often.

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider that crept beside her,
but Little Boy Blue and his horn.

Simple Simon met a pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pieman,
"What have you got there?"
Said the pieman unto Simon,
"Pies, you dickhead."

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the kings men
Said, "Fuck him, he's only an egg."

Mary had a little lamb.
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its ass
and turned its wool to nylon

Georgie Porgie pudding 'n pie,
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
he kissed them too, 'cause he’s funny that way.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

JOKES OF THE DAY 25/04

A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, "Yes sir, may we help you?"
"There's something wrong with my dick," he shouts.
The receptionist became aggravated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you." he said.
"We do not use language like that here," she said. "Please go outside and come back in and say that there's something wrong with your ear or whatever."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly. "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"
"I can't piss out of it." the man replied.

This man is waiting for his wife to deliver his first child. When the doctor comes out of the operating room, he comes up to him and asks to see his wife and baby.
Doctor: I have something to tell you... Your baby has got no legs...
Father: Oh... I guess it's still my son. Let me see it.
Doctor: He's got no arms either...
Father: That bad, uh? I have to see it!
Doctor: And he's got no trunk either... No head... Actually, it's only an ear...
Father: ...I still want to see him
Then they go in a sterile room where a nurse carries in a cradle with a huge ear in it.
Father: My son!!! Flesh of my flesh!!! Blood of my blood!!!
Doctor: speak up! He's deaf too...

Two Amish women were picking potatoes one autumn day. The first Amish woman had 2 potatoes in her hands. She looked at the other woman and said, "these potatoes remind me of my husbands testicles", and the other woman said "are his testicles that big?" , no she commented, "they're that dirty".

JERRY SPRINGER

Guest Application For Jerry Springer Show

Personal Information:

Name___________ Nickname______________ CB Handle______________

Yore Mama______________ Yore Daddy (if known)________________

Spouse's Name_________________

Relationship to spouse: __Sister __Brother__Mother__Father __Pet
__Aunt __Uncle ___ Several of the above

Occupation: ___Unemployed Mechanic ___Gun Show Dealer___Skinhead

Number of Children in Household___ Number that are yours___

Circle Highest Level of Education: 1 2 3 4 How many times each grade___________

How Far is Your Mobile Home From a Paved Road: ___1mi. __5 mi. ___?

Number of Times You Have Survived a Tornado: ___

Number of Vehicles Owned___ Number on Cement Blocks___ Number Repossessed___

Truck Equipment: ___Gun Rack ___Spit Cup ___Fuzzy Dice ___Rebel Flag
___Naked Woman Mudflaps ___NWO and/or NRA sticker

Weapons Owned: ___Tire Iron ___Pick Handle ___Beer Bottle ___Shotgun

Number of Dogs Owned: ___

Number of Homemade Tattoos:___

Which of the Following Appliances are in your Front Yard:
___Friggerator ___Heatin Stove ___Warsher ___TV ___Freezer

How Many of the Above Appliances Work: ___

Fav-o-rite Recreation: ___Drinkin ___Cow Chip Throwin ___Possum Huntin
___Crawdad Huntin ___Scratchin ___Watchin Wrasslin

If You Can Read, Which Magazines Do You Prefer:
___Soap Opera Digest ___NWA ___Rifle and Shotgun ___NWA
___TV Guide __National Enquirer ___True Confessions

Which Stinks Worse: ___Hogpen ___Outhouse ___Spouse

Can You Spell Your Last Name:___Yup ___Nope

Can You Remember Your Last Name: ___Yup ___Nope

Have You Ever Stayed Sober for More Than One Day: ___Yup ___Nope

Do You Know Any Words with More Than 4 Letters: ___Yup ___Nope

Which is Correct: ___"I Seed Him" or ___"I Seen Him"

How Many Cartons of Cigarettes Do You Smoke a Day? ___

Math Test: How Many Food Stamps Do the Following Cost?
___Six Pack ___Cigs ___Shotgun Shells ___Whore

Number of Times You've Seen: ___a UFO ___ Elvis___Elvis in a UFO

Health Questionaire: Which of the Following Do You Have?
___Head Lice ___B.O. ___Crabs ___Runny Nose___Boils

Can You Remember the Last Time You Bathed? ___Yup___Nope

Color of Teeth: ___Yellow ___Brown ___Black ___N/A