THE NORTYGORDY DATING AGENCY SUCCESS STORIES

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POLITICAL LEADERS???

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JOKES OF THE DAY 17/03

A bloke goes to the doctor and says, "I got this sex problem, doc". "Well", says the quack, "Tell me about your average day". "Well, it all starts in the middle of the night. My wife always wakes me up about 3:00 am for nookie and then again about 5 o'clock so we can spend a couple of hours making love before I go to work".
"Oh I see", said the doc. "No, hang on", said the man,"...you see, when I get on the train to work I meet this girl every day and we get a compartment to ourselves and have sex all the way there".
"Oh....now I see", said the quack. "No you don't", said our hero. "When I get to work my secretary really fancies me and I have to give her one in the storeroom".
"Oh....now I see", said the quack. "No no no", he said. "When I go to lunch I meet this dinner lady I'm very fond of and we nip out the back for a quickie".
"Now I understand", said the patient doctor. "No, hang on", said the bloke. "When I get back to work in the afternoon my boss, a very demanding lady I might add, has to have me or she says she'll give me the sack".
Ahh....", said the doctor, "now I see..". "No, there's more", said our man, "when I get home my wife is so pleased to see me she gives me a blow job before dinner and then we have sex afterwards".
"What's your problem?". asked the doc. "Well...", said our hero, "it hurts when I masturbate"

A sailor has sex with a Hong Kong hooker and a week later he goes to a doctor because his penis has turned yellow, purple and green. The doctor takes a look and says, "Well, it's pretty bad. We'll have to amputate." "No way!", says the sailor. He runs out and thinks, "Hmm... Chinese girl - Chinese doctor."So, he goes to Chinatown and finds a Chinese herbalist. The herbalist takes a look.The sailor says, "Hey doc, the previous doctor said he'd have to amputate."Chinese herbalist said, "Oh no. No need amputate. Two - three days - fall off all by itself!"

A lady decided to go into business and open an art gallery. she asked a painter she knew if he would paint a picture of Custer's last stand for the grand opening of the Gallery. On the day of the grand opening, the lady unveiled the painting and let out a gasp... It was a painting with a pile of excrement with a halo around it in the foreground, and hundreds of Indians having sex in the background. She confronted the painter, asking what the meaning of this was... He replied that he did a lot of research on Custer's last words, and found that they were, "Holy shit! Look at all the fucking Indians!"

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JOKES OF THE DAY 13/03

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday." Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "Seventeen people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this and told them this big circle is your brain before drugs and this small circle is your brain after drugs". "That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?” the judge asked the second boy. "Well, your honor, I persuaded 150 people to give up drugs forever." "One-hundred-fifty people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?" "Well, I used a similar approach. I said, "This small circle is your asshole before prison...."

A woman enrolled in nursing school was attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day was concerning involuntary muscles.
The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asked the woman, "Do you know what your asshole does when you're having an orgasm?"
"Sure," she said, "he's at home, taking care of the kids."

A yuppie walked into a doctor's surgery and demanded the quack have a look at his dick.
"Why, what's wrong with it?" the doc asked.
"I'll show you", the yuppie yelled, and dropped his trousers.
His dick was the size of a jellybean, and the doctor couldn't help himself. He burst out laughing.
"It's nothing to laugh at," complained the yuppie, close to tears.
"It's been swollen like that for the last three days!"

JOKES OF THE DAY 12/03

These two whales where swimming in the ocean. One of the whales notices a whaling ship up above and says to the other, "Hey that looks like the same whaling ship that got our friend just the other day." And the other says, "Yeah, I got an Idea. Lets go blow some bubbles underneath and tip the boat over." The other agrees and before long men are spilling into the ocean. One whale says, "Ok lets go eat some of those men." and the other whale replies, "I don't mind a good blow, but I made a rule never to swallow sea men"

A man is in a garden, when a ladder comes down from the heavens. He hears an unearthly voice saying : "Climb the ladder to success". So he goes up, and after a while, there's a really ugly woman on a landing on the side of the ladder. She says to him: "Fuck me or climb the ladder to success." He thinks about it, but decides he rather have success.
He goes up, and sees two quite nice women sitting on a landing on the side. "Fuck us or climb the ladder to success." He thinks about it, but decides it’s not worth it.
He goes up again, and there are three really beautiful women on the next landing. "Fuck us or climb the ladder to success." He thinks about it, but realises that the women are getting much more beautiful, younger, and are increasing in number as he climbs the ladder. So he climbs the ladder, and reaches the top.
There’s a young man sitting there. "Hi, I'm Cess."

This guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once, and I need something to keep me horny...keep me potent."
The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with an "X" and says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go NUTS for 12 hours!" the guy says, "Gimme 3 boxes." The next day, the same guy walks into the same pharmacy, right up to the same pharmacist and pulls down his pants.
The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's penis is black and blue, and the skin is hanging off in some places.
The man says, "Gimme a bottle of Tiger Balm"
The pharmacist replies, "TIGER BALM?!?!?! You're not going to put Tiger Balm on that are you?"
The guy says, "No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up."

THERE IS SOMEONE FOR EVERYONE