How can you tell if its your turn to do the washing up?
Look down at your trousers, …… if you've got a dick it’s not your turn
Two terrorist women in long Arabic dress, one turns to the other "does my bomb look big in this?"
For his birthday, I sent Stevie Wonder a cheese grater.....
...two days later he tells me that was the most violent book he's ever read
What turns a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDs.
What do you call an elephant with a spade?
Dawn French
I was wrecked last night , I was on whiskey and carrot juice!!,
I couldn't stand up , but could see for fuckin’ miles in the dark!!
An Irish bloke catches his son doing Cocaine he says to him do that again and ill rub your fucking nose in it.
Irish ram raider ran out of petrol chasing a mobile shop
What’s got 8 legs and a big black cunt?
The A Team
Bought myself a sex doll the other day! turned out it was a Muslim one. It blew it's fucking self up
Bin Laden is in a field shagging a sheep,
two blokes are stood at the gate to the field and watch as bin laden moves onto another sheep and starts shagging it.
Fuckin hell one bloke says to the other, how can Bin Laden get away with shagging them sheep?
Its ok I think there islam's
What makes the Avon lady walk funny.
Her lips stick.
This man is up in court, and the judge says to him “have you anything else to say in your defence”?
The man says “fuck all your honour”.
The judge turns to the man’s solicitor and says “what did he just say”?
The solicitor says “he said, fuck all your honour”.
The judge says “don’t be a cunt I saw his lips move”.
I got a new blow up doll the other day, but, I took it back and said to the bloke “its got a cock”. He said “it’s inside out you fat bastard”.
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