THE REAL GREAT ESCAPE

Stalag Luft III, Sagan : March 1944
We have all seen the classic film now read the true story of life as a pow during the Second World War. How they built the tunnels, the way they were treated by their captors and how many actually got away.
CLICK HERE
www.historyinfilm.com/escape/index.htm

AUSSIE SAFETY BOOTS

JESUS, SON OF A CARPENTER

TODAY'S FEATURED ARTIST

SOMETIMES AS YOU TRAWL THE INTERNET YOU COME ACROSS SOME SITES THAT ARE JUST BRILLIANT. THIS PARTICULARLY APPLIES TO ARTISTS AND SITES. SO TODAY I'M GOING TO START AN PAINTING OF THE MOMENT SECTION. PLEASE ENJOY THE PAINTING AND THEN CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW TO SEE HIS OTHER WORKS.

www.caleboconnor.com/caleb/

NEVER FART IN A WET SUIT...

SOME OLDIES JOKES FOR NORTYGORDY SNR.

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish.

Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day. The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.

They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady,

"Do you want to go up or down?"

All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat !

When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.

They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river.

He again asked the lady, "Up or down ?"

There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again.

This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day.

She said yes and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in river, and the elderly gentleman asked, "Up or down?"

The woman replied, "Down."

A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady,"Up or down ?"

She replied, "Up."

This really confused the gentleman so he asked, "What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!"

She replied, "Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were "fuck or drown."

A couple has been married for 50 years and
Are celebrating their anniversary.
The wife asks what the husband wants for their anniversary and he replies,
"I would like you to perform oral sex on me.
In the 50 years we have married NEVER have You ONCE done this to me."
She replies, "It's just that I'm afraid that you won't respect me afterwards."
"Won't respect you afterwards!" he yells,
"We have been married for 50 years for Christ sakes!"
"OK! OK! I'll do it just this one time!"
She then bends down and gives him oral sex until he has an orgasm in her mouth.
Immediately afterwards she runs to the bathroom. The phone rings next to the bed and he picks it up.
He then yells to his wife,
"Hey Cock sucker! It's for you!"

Defense Attorney: What is your age?

Little old Woman: I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you on April 1st this year?

Little old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my porch on a warm Spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Little old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Little old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little old Woman: He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little old Woman: No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just laid down and said to him, "Take me, young man, take me!"

Defense Attorney: Did he take you?

Little old Woman: Hell, no. He just yelled, "April Fool!"

And...that's when I shot the little bastard!

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the Pharmacist for the little blue "Viagra" pill. The pharmacist asked "How many?" The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each one into four pieces." The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through sex." The old fellow said, "Oh, I'm past eighty years old and I don't even think about sex much anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my new golf shoes...."

NOT EVERYTHING AT THE BEACH IS BEAUTIFUL....

THE WORST DIVER IN FOOTBALL

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MAIL ORDER IRAQI BRIDES

Name: Marie
Age: 18
Marie makes a very tasty felafel and is famous throughout Tikrit for her "Steaming Mustafah."

Name: Tiffany
Age: 20
Tiff enjoys taking long walks thru the rubble that once was her town. Wouldn't she look precious in your town-or in that spare-room in your basement?

Name: Britney
Age: 25
Britney enjoys doing what she's told.

Name: Lindsey

Age: 27
Lindsey has a big, brown eye and knows how to part her lips to tantilize.

Name: Brandy

Age: 18
Brandy, you're a fine girl, what a good wife you would be. She also enjoys moonlit strolls down to the tainted well.

If you want one click here:
www.unclemelon.com/iraqi_brides.html

WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN

POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"


POLICE # 2 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"


ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"


DRESS~UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache next morning."


DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather. and unto the Sonnn..... and into the hole he gooooes."


SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"


BIBLE A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear"? With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear

WORDS TO LIVE BY !!!

A COUPLE OF CLEAN JOKES

50's Date

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car.

When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in.

"Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he asks.

"That's cool," says Bobby.

Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do.

Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.

Carrie's father responds, "Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it."

Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby, so he asks Carrie's Dad to repeat it.

"Yeah," says Carries father, "Carrie really likes to screw, she'll screw all night if we let her!"

Well, this just made Bobby's eyes light up, and immediately revised his plans for the evening.

A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go.

Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.

About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly dishevelled Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father:
Dammit daddy its called the TWIST, its Called the TWIST

A Husband Is At Home Watching The Football When His Wife Interrupts,

"honey, Could You Fix The Light In The Hallway?it's Been Flickering For Weeks Now"

He Looks At Her Angrily;

"fix The Light. Now? Does It Look Like I Have An Electricians Logo Printed On My Forhead? I Dont Think So!"

The Wife Asks.

"well Then, Could You Fix The Fridge Door? It Wont Close Right"

To Which He Replied

"fix The Fridge Door? Does It Look Like I Have Hotpoint Written On My Forehead? I Dont Think So".

Fine, She Says.

"then Could You At Least Fix The Steps To The Front Door? They're About To Break".

" I'm Not A Damn Carpenter And I Dont Want To Fix The Steps, Does It Look Like I Have Woodies Diy Written On My Forehead? I Dont Think So. I've Had Enough Of You I'm Going To The Pub".

So He Goes To The Bar And Drinks For A Couple Of Hours. He Starts To Feel Guilty About How He Treated His Wife And Decides To Go Home And Help Out. As He Walks Into The House He Notices The Steps Are Slready Fixed. As He Enters The House He Sees The Hall Light Is Working. As He Goes To Get A Beer He Notices The Fridge Door Is Fixed.

"honey...how Did All This Get Fixed"

She Said.

"well, When You Left I Sat Outside And Cried, Just Then A Nice Young Man Asked Me What Was Wrong, And I Told Him. He Offered To Do All The Repairs, And All I Had To Do Was Either Go To Bed With Him Or Bake A Cake"

He Said

" So What Kind Of Cake Did You Bake For Him?"

She Replied

"hellooooo..........do You See Delia Smith Written On My Forehead? I Dont Think So!"

A TOOLBOX FOR DANIELLE...

The Pink Tool box is packed with useful equipment, and will help ease your home maintenance headaches. And there's plenty of room in the box for you to add your own favourite tools. The Pink Tool Box includes a hammer, a 4 in 1 screwdriver, pliers, a set of allen keys, scissors, knife, spirit level, spanner, tape measure, fuses, wire, picture hooks and a can of general purpose oil.

iF YOU WANT ONE CLICK HERE www.find-me-a-gift.co.uk/gift-ideas-for-women/presents/the-pink-toolbox.html

DOLLS FOR DOGS

Is your dog in heat and humping anything it can wrap its horny little legs around? Are you constantly having to pry your promiscuous pooch off the legs of guests, parents and members of your church? Protect your leg from a hump attack by getting Scruffy a Hotdoll. Yes, it's a sex doll for dogs. It's shaped like a dog and it'll allow your tension-filled pet to go to town as much as his little heart desires, humping away until he passes out in exhaustion, leaving a wispy coil of friction-singed dog-fur smoke wafting into the air.

God, I love the Internet. Hit the jump for more hot dog-on-doll action shots. Don't pretend like you don't want to see them.

BIKE FOR SALE

THE BEST SEX SITE ON THE INTERNET

Just click on this link for the best sex site on the world wide web
http://drunkfriends.com/quickies/freesex.html

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN GROUPIES GET OLD?

DON'T LET YOUR CHILDREN PLAY ON THE SLIDE

TWO FACED GIRL

PENIS REQUEST FOR A RAISE

I, the penis , hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor, I work at great depth, I plunge head first into everything I do, I do not get weekends off or holidays off. I work in a damp environment, I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation, I work in high temperatures, and my work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,

P.Niss

The Response:

Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hour straight, you fall asleep after brief work periods, you do not always follow the orders of the management team, you do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations. You need to be pressured and stimulated to start working, you leave your work place messy at the end of your shift,you will retire way before 65, you can't do double shifts, and if that's not enough you have been spotted entering and exiting the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,

V.Gina

IF HE ONLY HAD A BRAIN

TRUE FRIENDSHIP

True Friendship

None of that Sissy Crap

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against The sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much Worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well Again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".
Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, But only you can feel the true warmth.

CARTOON

WHERE WE STAND IN THE UNIVERSE

Most people think that it's a big world we live in. Well these pictures may give you some idea of the size of our planet in the whole universe. The final picture of the sun is particularly amazing.

PROCRASTINATION.....

TAKE A TIP FROM THE FROG...

SHOULD TONY STAY OR SHOULD HE GO? CLICK AND FIND OUT.