Thanks to donaldsoffritti.blogspot.com/search?q=decadence
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
THE THREE HILLBILLIES
Three Hillbillies are sitting on a porch shootin’ the breeze.
1st Hillbilly says: “My wife sure is stupid!…She bought an air conditioner. ”
2nd Hillbilly says: “Why is that stupid?”
1st Hillbilly says: “We ain’t got no ‘lectricity!”
2nd Hillbilly says: “That’s nothin’! My wife is so stupid, she bought one of them new fangled warshin ‘ machines!”
1st Hillbilly says: “Why is that so stupid?”
2nd Hillbilly says: “‘Cause we ain’t got no plummin’!”
3rd Hillbilly says: “That ain’t nuthin’! My wife is dumber than both yer
wifes put together! I was going through her purse the other day lookin’ fer
some change, and I found 6 condoms in thar.”
1st and 2nd Hillbillies say: “Well, what’s so dumb about that?”
3rd Hillbilly says: “She ain’t got no dick”
MY DAUGHTER HAS GREAT TITS, SAYS FERGIE
SARAH Ferguson yesterday defended her eldest daughter insisting Princess Beatrice has developed an absolutely corking set of knockers.
The Duchess of York spoke out after the Daily Mail
accused the Princess of not being old enough to have breasts, while at the same time being too old not to have them.
The Duchess said: "She is a perfectly normal young woman who just happens to have HRH in front of her name and a cracking pair of charlies. She'll be just fine.
"Like all teenagers she has a tendency to slouch, but when she stands up straight, my goodness what a pair of beauties. They're like melons I tell you, melons!"
Constitutional expert Denys Finch-Hatton said: "Although she was often dismissed as unsuitable, Prince Andrew made a strategic decision in mating with Sarah Ferguson.
"For all her shortcomings the Duchess has provided the House of Windsor with the genetic material to produce generation upon generation of superbly endowed princesses."
"Not since Catherine of Braganza have we had a member of the Royal Family that you would look at and say, 'Sweet Jesus, well done love'."
BEWARE UK COUNTERFEIT MONEY
If you are a visitor to Britain, beware of a counterfeit five pound note that is doing the rounds. Apparently, the treasury have been getting their currency printed in Poland, in a bid to save the taxpayer money. We are told it is a very good forgery, with few british people able to tell the difference.
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BEST DIY SITES
DIY offers a great way to take on personal projects and make things your own. Although often DIY focuses primarily on home improvement, the DIY ethic expands out to arts, technology, and so much more. Check out these categories and more in our list of DIY sites that’s sure to get you inspired to get up and make something yourself.
Home Improvement
In these sites, you’ll find fun and useful projects to take on at home.
- DoItYourself: Check out this site’s featured projects for detailed DIY instructions.
- Mike Holigan’s How-To Library: On this site, you’ll find loads of information for home building and remodeling.
- DIY Homes: Learn about home improvement, repair and more from this site.
- Acme How to: Learn how to do just about anything in your home, from plumbing to pest control.
- HammerZone: Learn the art of handymanlyness on HammerZone.
- DIY Fix It: On this site, you’ll get access to loads of guides and answers to your DIY questions.
- HGTV: This site offers a great source for home improvement inspiration.
- Home Improvement: Learn how to buy materials, save money, and more with this site.
- Home Tips: Check out DIY projects for health and safety, plumbing, and so much more on Home Tips.
- Home Doctor: Find DIY tips and projects on this home improvement site.
- Hometime: Get step-by-step guides and more on this site.
- Ask the Builder: On this site, you’ll get tips from home improvement guru Tim Carter.
- HomeImprove: Find tips and ideas for home repair, remodeling, and more on this site.
- Easy2DIY: Check out this site for animated tutorials that walk you through each project.
- Bob Vila: Get DIY help from the master himself.
- Curbly: Find cool design ideas in this DIY design community.
- DIYnot: This DIY site is complete with a wiki, forum, and books.
- Ikea Hacker: Ikea Hacker offers great ideas for getting more out of your Ikea furniture.
- DIYonline: This site makes it easy to create your own design online.
- DIY Ideas: Get inspiration for your home and garden with this site.
Arts & Crafts
Whether you want to learn how to make your own macro lens, or just find a knitting pattern, these sites will have what you’re looking for.
- DIY Photography: Learn how to achieve looks and create your own studio gear with this site.
- Love You Deer: Check out DIY clothing, arts, and crafts on this site.
- Max is Now: Max is Now offers a great source for arts and DIY.
- DIY Design It Yourself: Use this site to design your own books, Tshirts, and more.
- Photojojo: Check out Photojojo to find fun photography hacks and DIY projects.
- We Make Money Not Art: Check out DIY art projects and much more on this site.
- Craftster: Find out what other crafters are up to in these forums.
- Craftform: Showcase your work and check out what others have done on Craftform.
- I-Craft: On this site, you can find your favorite crafts and save them in your craft box.
- wiseNeedle: Get yarn reviews, advice, and more for knitters here.
- Crafter’s Community: Find seasonal crafts, resources, and lots more on this site.
- Get Crafty: Get Crafty features forums, how-tos, guides, and more cool crafty stuff.
- Make Stuff: The crafts and projects on Make Stuff range from seasonal projects to gardening.
- Craftown: Visit this crafters resource center for loads of projects and illustrated lessons.
- Knitty: Check out Knitty for “little purls of wisdom.”
- Craftzine: Figure out what to do with leftover Easter Peeps, plastic bags, and more.
- Chic Knits: This site offers knitting patterns for clothes that don’t look anything like your Grandma’s wardrobe.
- My Craft Book: Find easy and fun crafts on this site.
Tech
Find everything you want to know about hacking gadgets, electronics, and more from these sites.
- Makezine: Learn how to make your own fun electronic and tech toys with this site.
- Freedom to Tinker: Check out this site to learn how to modify and repair tech devices.
- Hack This Site!: Test your hacking skills on the challenges presented in this site.
- Popular Mechanics: This online magazine offers information on everything from green living to buying a car.
- I-Hacked: Find new and exciting ways to make technology work for you with I-Hacked.
- Gadget Hacks: Check out this site to get connected with all sorts of sites that offer hacking projects.
- Layada: Visit this site to find all sorts of fun tech hacks.
- Console Hacks: This site lists some of the best published hacks for consoles.
- Hacked Gadgets: Visit Hacked Gadgets to learn how to get more out of your gadgets.
- Inventgeek: This site celebrates reinvention, offering loads of fun and useful DIY projects.
- DIY:Happy: Hack gadgets, software and more with DIY:happy’s guides.
- Wired How-To Wiki: On this collaborative site, you’ll find tech projects, hacks, tricks, and tips.
- Hack a Day: This site features a new hack every day.
- MakeUseOf: Check out web apps, tools, and more on this DIY site.
- DIY Live: Learn how to create and do things with technology using DIY Live.
- Hack N Mod: Take on these awesome hacks, mods, and projects.
- Zedomax: Find super-cool DIYs, hacks, and more on Zedomax.
Lifehacking
These sites present great ways to apply the DIY principle to everyday life.
- Lifehackery: Check out Lifehackery to turn everyday objects into useful things.
- DIY Planner: This community likes to take productivity into their own hands.
- Productivity 101: Increase your personal productivity using tips and tools from this site.
- Instigator Blog: Make more out of your ideas with the help of this blog.
- 43 Folders: This blog, created by Merlin Mann, focuses on organization, productivity, and getting things done.
- Life Optimizer: Become more successful and productive with this site.
- Lifehacker: The Lifehacker blog offers lots of technology and productivity hacks designed to make your life easier.
- Ririan Project: Check out this personal development blog to find out how you can apply DIY principles to your life.
- Dumb Little Man: Here you’ll find loads of tips for productivity, projects, frugality, and more.
- Aim for Awesome!: Find tips for awesome personal development on this site.
- FlyLady: Aimed at housewives, FlyLady aims to help you get control of your home.
- Business Hackers: Here you’ll find loads of information on how you can get work done quickly.
- LifeDev: Take a DIY approach to life development using this site.
- The Next 45 Years: Visit The Next 45 Years to learn about Lifehacking for the future.
- HackCollege: HackCollege features all of the hacks a college student might want to know about-from “college drinking games to study skills.”
- Get Rich Slowly: JD at Get Rich Slowly has lots of great ideas and advice for DIY frugality.
- The Optimized Life: Use the tips you’ll find on this site to make your life the best it can be.
- Frugal Hacks: This site turns DIY into frugality.
- Zen Habits: Hack your life to zen with this site.
- LifeClever: This site is always helpful, whether they’re teaching you to organize your workspace or just find cheap gas.
- Mind Hacks: Get a look at what’s going on inside your mind, and take it to the next level with this site.
- Write to Done: Learn how to hack writing with this incredibly helpful blog.
- Wise Bread: Follow this site for great tips on DIY frugality.
- Biz Plan Hacks: Use the tips from this site to make life as a business owner easier.
- Christian Lifehacking: This blog features lifehack tips and tools focused on Christianity.
- Lifehack: Lifehack’s posts focus on organization, inspiration, and productivity.
- Study Hacks: This site offers lifehack advice for students.
General
Check out these sites to find anything and everything DIY.
- DIY Life: Check out DIY Life for projects ranging from tech to home improvement.
- wikiHow: Visit wikiHow to make use of the world’s largest collaborative how-to manual.
- Instructables: Find out how to do projects from your peers on Instructables.
- Hackszine: On Hackszine, you’ll find everything from Facebook to food.
- Hints-n-Tips: Check out this site to find practical information for just about every topic out there.
- SoYouWanna: Learn what you want to do on this advice site.
- ReadyMade: On ReadyMade, you’ll learn how to make items for your home and more.
- Daily DIY: Make and modify everyday items to create something great on this site.
- Do It 101: Check out this site to learn about gardening, technology, health, and more.
- ElephantStaircase: ElephantStaircase boasts a wiki as well as a number of different project pages.
- How To Do Things: Learn how to do things ranging from raising earthworms to how to buy sod.
- DIY Chatroom: Although this forum primarily focuses on home improvement, you’ll find great tips for computer repairs and upgrades as well as automotive repairs.
- The Do-It-Yourself Channel: Visit Propeller’s DIY channel to find instructional information from around the web.
- How2pointoh: Check out this blog for projects ranging from magnetic potholders to time lapsing.
- Wikia DIY Culture: Find arts, crafts, games, and lots more in this source.
- DIY Network: Find products, advice, and more for DIY projects through this network.
- HowStuffWorks: Although it’s not exclusively a how-to site, HowStuffWorks will give you the insight you need to complete your DIY projects.
- eHow: On this site, you’ll find out how to do nearly anything you can imagine.
Monday, May 19, 2008
JOKES OF THE WEEK
It's this man's 33rd birthday. He gets a package at the Post Office and goes to collect it. At the counter the woman brings his package to him, and the man says, "It's my birthday today." "Oh, happy birthday, how old are you?" asks the Post Office worker. "33," says the man. "Well, have a good day," says the worker. "Thank you," replied the man. To get home, the man has to take the bus. At the bus stop an old lady walks up and waits soon after he arrives. The man says to the old lady, "It's my birthday today." "Oh, happy birthday," says the old lady. "I'm..." "No don't tell me," interjects the old lady, "I know a unique way of telling how old somebody is." "Oh yeah? What's that then," asks the man. "If I can feel your balls for about 5 minutes, I can tell exactly how many years old you are," says the old lady. "I don't believe it." "Well let me prove it!" "I'm not going to let you feel my balls!" says the man. "Oh well, I guess you'll never know then," replies the lady. After a couple of minutes curiosity gets the better of the man and he says, "Oh, okay then, you can do it." After a good feel of the man's balls the woman finally takes her hands out of his pants. "You are 33 years old exactly," she exclaims! "How the fuck did you know that?" exclaims the man, impressed. "I was behind you in the line at the Post Office," said the lady.
Paddy goes into a store and the assistant convinces him to buy a thermos flask. This flask he says is brilliant it will keep hot things hot and cold things cold. Brilliant I'll take it says Paddy.
Next day in work his workmates ask him what he’s got, Its a Thermos says Paddy it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. Wow sounds great say his workmates what have you got in it?
Two cups of tea, and an ice cream.
These two guys are stranded on a deserted island. After many months of nothing, one guy says to the other, "How about we try the anal sex thing? What do you think?" After much thought, the second guy said "OK". So the first guy says, "You bend over, and let me know what you think. If you like it, sing a song; and if you don't like it, make an animal sound."
So then the second guy says, "Moooooo... Mooooooo...
This guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once, and I need something to keep me horny...keep me potent."
The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with an "X" and says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go NUTS for 12 hours!" the guy says, "Gimme 3 boxes." The next day, the same guy walks into the same pharmacy, right up to the same pharmacist and pulls down his pants.
The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's penis is black and blue, and the skin is hanging off in some places.
The man says, "Gimme a bottle of Tiger Balm
The pharmacist replies, "TIGER BALM?!?!?! You're not going to put Tiger Balm on that are you?"
The guy says, "No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up."
This guy is flying down the road, and he comes over a bridge. Sure enough, a cop with a radar gun is sitting on the other side of the bridge and pulls him over.
The cop walks up to the guy's car and asks, "What's the hurry?"
The guy says, "I'm late for work."
What do you do?"
The guy responds, "Well, I'm a rectum stretcher."
The cop says, "What? A rectum stretcher?"
The guy says, "Yeah. I start with a finger, then work my way up to two fingers...eventually I get a hand in, then both hands, and I slowly stretch it until it's about six feet wide."
The cop asks, "What do you do with a six-foot asshole?"
"Well, you give him a radar gun and park him at the end of a bridge....."
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