JOSE YOU WANKER

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SAD BASTARDS OF THE WEEK

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NOT ALL WEDDINGS ARE MADE IN HEAVEN

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BOB'S QUIZ

World's Easiest Quiz?

>>> Passing requires only 4 correct answers.... a measly 40%.
>>> 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?

>>> 2) Which country makes Panama hats?

>>> 3) From which animal do we get catgut?

>>> 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October
Revolution?

>>> 5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

>>> 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific is named after
what animal?

>>> 7) What was King George VI's first name?

>>> 8) What color is a purple finch?

>>> 9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

>>> 10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial
airplane?


>>> All done? Check your answers below! Scroll Down

>>>

>>>
>>> ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> 1) 116 years

>>> 2) Ecuador

>>> 3) Sheep and Horses
>>>
4) November
>>>
>>> 5) Squirrel fur

>>> 6) Dogs

>>> 7) Albert

>>> 8) Crimson

>>> 9) New Zealand

>>> 10) Orange, of course..

>>> What do you mean you failed???????

HERE'S BOB WITH NELSON

BECKHAMS NEW BABY

RONALDINHO'S NEW BOOTS

There is an ad where Ronaldinho tries his new Nike boots and in the middle of the practice he shoots at the bar during training.Ronaldinho hits the bar 4 times in a row....from a new Nike commercial...simply amazing!

CLICK ON HERE
golden boots

JOKES OF THE DAY 19/04

Marge was getting pretty upset about her husband's lack of attention and decided to come on a little stronger to him. After dinner, she put on her sexy, backless nightgown backward and sauntered into the living room. "Notice anything?" she asked slyly. "Yes, you've got your nightgown on backward," her husband answered simply. "How could you tell?" she cooed. "Because the shit stains are in the front,"

A lady went to her doctor for a check-up. when asked how she got the bruises on the outside of her thighs, she explained that she got them from having sex. The doctor then told her she would have to change positions until the bruises healed. She replied "Oh doctor, I can't... my dog's breath is awful!"

An old woman goes to the doctors and says, "Doctor, I have this terrible discharge." The doctor answers, "Take your panties off." So she does, he has a rummage around and says, "How does that feel?" she answers, "Wonderful, but I came for my ears!"

A woman walks into a doctor's surgery:- "Doctor, please help I've got a terrible pain in my fanny."
the doctor says let’s have a look, so she drops her knickers. Doc:- "My God, your fanny is destroyed, it's ripped to shreads, what the hell happened to you?" Woman:- "I've been raped by an elephant" Doc:- "Hold on a minute, even though an elephant is many times bigger than a human, It's cock is only a few inches bigger than a well endowed man! It couldn't possibly do this much damage!"
Woman- "Yeh, but he fingered me first!!"

SOME HONEY'S FOR THE BOYS

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A FEW HUNKS FOR THE LADIES

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PHONES FOR SALE

Hi all,
Could you do me a favour and see if anyone you know is interested?
I'm selling 2 mobiles that I'm not using anymore, if anyone is interested:
Nokia with camera (4.1 mega pixels).
Nokia with camera and vibrating alert.
Have a look at the pics, for the models

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SWEDISH STAG NIGHT

Check out the picture (nothing unusual).

Now read this:

In Sweden it is a bit of a custom for the groom to be kidnapped and whisked off somewhere for his stag night, which usually lasts all day and all night rather than the typical British stag night where you all arrange it beforehand go out get drunk and hire a stripper.

The Swedes do it different.. The groom has no idea until he gets nabbed.. He might be dressed up in something crazy… and go do something funny…and then the fun starts!

This particular guy is a keen sailor and when he was kidnapped for his stag night they pasted a false “skippers-beard” on him and put him at the helm of a 60 foot yacht and let him be skipper for the day…

Much beer and fine food was consumed. But nothing… nasty happened to him at all… In the evening when they got back on land and were getting cleaned up for the night club… they all had a sauna as is customary in Sweden….

Imagine the grooms horror when he walked into the sauna where his naked buddies were waiting for him and then to notice that best mate number one had no pubic hair …

neither did friend two …

nor three …

or four…

Now check out the false beard again………..

TOILET HUMOUR

TEE SHIRT IDEAS

JOKES OF THE DAY 10/04

Bill and Alice decided that the only way they could manage a little romance with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. “There’s a car being towed from the parking lot,” he said. “An ambulance just drove by.”
A few moments passed. “Looks like the Andersons have company,” he called out, “Matt’s riding a new bike and the Smiths are in the bedroom having a fuck.”
Mom and Dad shot up in bed. “How do you know that?” the startled father yelled.
“Because Tommy Smith is standing out on the balcony too!”

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still!"
If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.
The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road.
Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked.
“I’m on your shoulder” the voice replied.
"Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the fuck, were you when I got married?"

WHAT A CRAP HAIRCUT LOOKS LIKE.....

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MARRIAGE

After 5 years of heated debate, the Commission of Human Rights has approved the new International Symbol of Marriage:
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BECAUSE I AM A MAN

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in. Calling a breakdown service is not an option….. I will win.

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the bonnet and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys cumin is a spice and not a bodily function)

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always sex, cars or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.

This has been a public service message for Women to better understand the Male.

LOOKING FOR SOMEWHERE TO PARK YOUR BIKE ????

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