Friday, May 19, 2006
Thursday, May 18, 2006
A FEW QUICK JOKES
What's the difference between a wife, a nympho, and a hooker?
The nympho says, "You're done already?"
The hooker says, "Are you done yet?"
And the wife says, "Beige, I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
"There was a strange happening during a performance of Elgar's Sea Pictures at a concert hall in
I had a wet dream about you last nite. I pissed myself laughing when you fell off the cliff.
They say animal behaviour can warn you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to
If Kmart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?
I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.
What do
THEY ARE STILL DOING IT...
You may remember on 12th April, I told you my neighbours kept using my spa. Well now it's the pool as well.... I'm going to the police and this time I've got the pictures to prove it.
click to enlargeWednesday, May 17, 2006
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
JOKES OF THE DAY
A woman asks her husband: "Be honest, does this skirt make my bum look big?"
"Of course not, darling," He replies. "Don't be so silly"
Flattered, the woman is about to kiss him when he adds:
"It's all that fuckin’ chocolate you eat that makes your bum look big"
A man living on the second storey of an apartment block was leaning out of the window one morning to check whether it was raining when a glass eye suddenly fell into his hand. Looking up, he saw a girl peering down from four storeys above. "Is this yours?" he called out. "Yes," she replied. "Hold on," he said. "I'll bring it up to you."
So he took the glass eye up to the girl's apartment. She invited him in and they started chatting. Not only was she extremely grateful to him but she also found him incredibly attractive and so she asked him out to dinner that evening. He readily accepted. The meal was a great success and afterwards she suggested they go back to his place and go to bed. She stayed the night and when she left the following morning, he said: "I'm sorry but I have to ask. Do you act like this with every man you meet?" "No," she replied, "Only those who catch my eye."
A man and woman were having marital problems so they went to see a marriage counselor. The counselor, in an attempt to find some common ground from which to begin his analysis said, "Tell me about anything the two of you have in common."
The husband spoke up and said, "Well, neither one of us sucks dicks."
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant.
The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more. "I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "we don't have any" 'But I always buy it here," says the blonde "Do you have the container that it come in?" asks the pharmacist "YES", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant"
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container........." TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."
Monday, May 15, 2006
Sunday, May 14, 2006
THE FIRING SQUAD
The graphic above depicts four men, buried up to their necks, about to get shot by a firing squad (ah, the poor souls).
'A' is facing the wall from the left, the other 3 (B, C, D) are facing the wall from the right. They know they are 3 on one side and 1 on the other. They are also lined up in a straight line and cannot see around or through the wall.
They had their hats put on at night and so they do not know what color of hat they are wearing; but they know there are four men altogether and that two of them are wearing a white hat and two a black one.
In order to for all of them to avoid being shot, one of them must call out to the executioner the color of THEIR hat. If they get it wrong, they will all be shot. They are not allowed to talk to each other, nor is there any other form of communiciation.
They have 5 minutes to figure it out.
After two minutes of silence:
Which one them calls out their hat color?
Why is he certain of the color of his hat?
This is not a trick question. They cannot move. They are buried in a straight line. A & B can only see their respective views of the wall, C can see B, and D can see B & C.
Give Up?
ANSWER BELOW
Man 'A' certainly can't see anything, so it's up to the other three.
Man 'B' can't see much of anything either so he doesn't have a clue.
Man 'D' can see the two in front of him if he strains his neck a bit, but he knows that there are four of them in total with two wearing black and two wearing white hats. He sees one of each in front of him and therefore isn't certain which color his is. If he saw two of any color in front of him, then he'd obviously know his was an opposite color. But there aren't, there is one of each. So he keeps quiet.
Meanwhile, man 'C' can only see one color in front of him - white - and he initially isn't certain of his color either. But time goes on and he figures that if the man behind him saw two of the same color he'd have yelled out his color by now, but two minutes have gone by and it's quiet enough to hear a pin drop.
At this time he realizes that since man 'D' isn't certain then he must be seeing one of each color and it therefore stumped as to his own color.
So..... Man 'C,' after two minutes figures that if man 'D' is seeing one of each and he (man 'C') can see a white hat in front of him then he is most certainly wearing a black hat and yells it out....
Man 'C' saves the day.
Couldn't you just shoot yourself for not figuring that out??
PHOTOS THAT MAKE YOU LOOK TWICE
Photos & Visual Art by Christopher Gilbert
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