TODAYS JOKES

A girl came skipping home from school one day.
"Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?"
"Yes, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B , C, D, E , F , G!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?"
"Yes, It's because you're blonde"
"The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mummy, Mummy," she yelled "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls have flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36C's.
"Very good," said her embarassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?"
"No, darling. It's because you're 24!"

A man entered the bus, with his pockets full of golf balls and sat down next
to a blond. The blond kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her he said, "It's golf balls."The blond continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey".
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

Three guys were working on a high-rise building project - Steve, Bruce and Bluey. Steve falls off and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Bluey says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Foster's.
Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Bluey?"
"Steve's wife gave it to me," Bluey replies.
"That's unbelievable! You told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?"
"Well not exactly," Bluey says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow'. She said, 'No, I'm not a widow.' And I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Foster's you are'."