QUICKIES

One guy in the plane got up all of sudden and shouted “HIJACK” the passengers got scared and put their hands up …
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From the other end someone shouted Hi John…

My mother rang me up the other day to tell me she'd just bought a wooden leg at a boot fair.
I asked her why she'd bought a wooden leg?

Her reply? She thought it'd make a good stocking filler!!

Q. How do you know Santa's a man?
A. Because he always turns up late, eats your food, drinks your booze, empties his sack, only comes once then fucks off before you wake up!

A man with no legs is waiting for a bus at the bus stop........
the bus pulls up and the busman smiles......
he says...."hello, how are you getting on?"

An Irish woman was admitted to hospital today after having phone sex.
Doctors removed 2 Nokias, 3 Motorolas and 1 Samsung but no Sieman was found.

What game did Sadam Hussain get for Christmas
Hang-man.

Elton John has written and recorded a special song to remember Saddam Hussein by -
its called -`Dangle in the wind

Saddam t-shirt for sale
its a bit tight round the neck but it hangs well...

Apparently James Brown is working in a shoe factory up in heaven he is now the godfather of sole.

Cabbie says to nun in his cab "my fantasy is to be sucked off by a Nun"
Nun says " Ok but you must b Catholic & single"
Cabbie says "I am"
so the nun sucks him off.
Cabbie starts to cry & says "forgive me sister I have sinned. I am married & I’m Jewish"
The nun says "that’s ok, I am Kevin and I’m on my way to a fancy dress party!!