NORTHERN LAD:

Ee, I remember as if it were yesterday - well, it were yesterday, matter o'fact - I'd climbed up this great big hill outside our town. View from

t' top were like nothing on earth –

t' boarded up shops, closed down factories and

t' estate wi' t' joyriders doin' handbrake turns. Suddenly I heard a voice ;

t' local filth.

'Where's thee off to lad?'

'London.'

'Well, tha'll need thi sandwiches then, price o' things down there.

Off to be a rent boy are thee?'

'Aye.'

'Tha'll need plenty o' condoms an' all, this AIDS is rife. And remember to use a fresh syringe whenever thee jacks up.'

I looked up and tears were rolling down his face. 'I'm right sorry for you young folk,' he said. 'Nowt to look forward to. Not even bogus nostalgia when thee grows up.'

I 'ad to admit, he 'ad a point. Price o' butties down 'ere's outrageous.