FROM A WOMANS POINT OF VIEW

My husband and I used to fight about those nights out with the boys, I don’t know why, it’s not like I did it every night.

I went to a fancy dress party as my mother…. I put on high heels, bad make up and I criticized everyone who spoke to me.

When I was a kid, Halloween was great fun. I used to go out dressed as a tramp…. High heel shoes, short skirts and fishnet stockings.

I’ve been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, how about cheap and baldy.

When it came to lovemaking, what my husband lacks in size, he makes up for in speed.

I fall in love far too easily; the last guy couldn’t handle it. I’m like “I love you, I’m willing to move into your place, I want your children.” He’s like “Thanks lady, but could you please just give me the $10 for the pizza, and I’ll be going”.

I’m a secretary, on a good day I type 95 words a minute, on a bad day, I turn up drunk dressed in my pyjamas.

I discovered that there are things you should teach a two year old child, like don’t touch a hot stove, don’t pull lamps off tables and definitely don’t wake Mummy before Noon.

I’ve got fat knees, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

I’ve reached the age where my biological clock is giving me the finger.

I was in the supermarket, when I saw a sign saying FEMININE NEEDS. “At last” I said, “A shop that sells handsome, well hung guys, who call when they say they will, and know how to cook”.