POSH & BECKS

David Beckham walks into a sperm donor bank, "I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
"Yes" replies Beckham "you should have my details on your computer".
"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call Posh Spice for you?"
"Why do I need help to donate sperm?" asks Beckham. The receptionist replies "Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker..."

David Beckham decides to try horseback riding, even though he has had no lessons or prior experience.
He mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady rhythmic pace as Posh stands back in
admiration, but then he begins to slip from the saddle. In terror he grabs the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. He tries to throw his arms around the horse's neck, but he slides down the side of the horse anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally, he gives up his frail grasp and he attempts to leap away from the horse and throw himself to safety.
Unfortunately, his foot has become entangled in the stirrup, now he is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as his head is struck against the ground over and over. Posh stands there frantic, unable to do anything to help as his head is battered against the ground.
He is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to his great fortune.....
The Sainsbury's security guard sees him, leans over, and unplugs the horse.

What's the difference between David Beckham and a new Airfix model? One's a glueless kit...

Reuters reports today that Posh Spice, Victoria Beckham has held 'heart to heart' talks with husband David Beckham. In an effort to encourage honesty and reconciliation between the couple, Victoria has alledgedly admitted to David that she had an affair with Prince Of Pop Michael Jackson in late 2003.
David's reaction is not known, however Michael Jackson has moved quickly to deny the allegation, claiming that Posh Spice knows full well that he, Jackson, was in Brooklyn at the time.

What do Posh Spice and Teddy Sheringham have in common?
They're both fucking useless footballers!