Paul McCartney bought his missus a plane the other day, so she can shave the other leg.
Sales of condoms in
Paddy weighs 20stone, so his doctor puts him on a diet.
I want you to eat regularly for 2 days then skip a day and repeat this for 2 weeks , you should lose 5 pounds.
When Paddy returned he shocked the doctor by having lost 4 stone.
That's amazing the doc said.
Paddy nodded..... "I'll tell you bejesus I taut I was gonna drop dead by da 3rd day.
" What from hunger?” said the doc
No, says Paddy, from all the fukkin skippin.
I had a mate who was suicidal.
He was really depressed, so I pushed in front of a steam train.
Then he was chuffed to bits.
What does the average paki weigh? Midget gems and cola cubes.
A man goes in to a doctors and says I’m having problems wanking when I have finished I always sing glory glory man united and the doctor says yes a lot of Wankers sing that!
An Aboriginal woman goes to have an abortion and a week later receives a cheque for $300.She rings up to query it and was told it was an award from 'Crimestoppers'
A jelly baby went to the doctor. After examining him the doctor said, "You've got a sexually transmitted disease."
"Is that all" responded the jelly baby.
"You don't sound very surprised" added the doctor.
"I'm not" said the jelly baby, "I've been sleeping with allsorts."
How do you know if your girlfriend is too young for you?
You have to make aeroplane noises to get your cock in her mouth.
I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic, if you ask me. I mean a ginger kid, with two friends?
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