A LETTER TO MY WIFE

To My Loving Wife:

Sugar magnolia, you rock my world.

And I want you to know that while I love you more than you'll ever know, I think I could also love three or four other women.

Not at the same time, though.

I mean, I wish. But I couldn't. And no one knows that better than you, darling of mine.

Sweetheart, you're my everything. Honestly, I can't ever see myself spending long periods of time with anyone other than you. You mean that much to me. However, I could easily see myself spending a night or two with a few loose women in a seedy hotel room in Vegas.

This is not the kind of long-lasting, everlasting love the two of us share, darling. This is more like a take-everything-off-but-the-stillettos-and-do-you-have-change-for-a-fifty kind of love.

What I treasure most about the time we spend together is that often we can simply look at each other and never have to say a word. With these other women, I would never be able to do that. There would always be awkward conversations like, "Okay, bend over the table and lift your right leg. No. Higher."

And for a short period of time, I suppose I would be okay with that. But that sort of love grows tiresome after a while. Plus, you can really burn through your money in no time flat.

You are always my number one. My one and only. I will always come back to you. You're my soul and my inspiration. You're my dream come true.

Well, actually, those two women in the mud wrestling commercial are my dream come true. But after them, you're right up there.

Yours always,
Me