JOKES OF THE DAY

A woman asks her husband: "Be honest, does this skirt make my bum look big?"
"Of course not, darling," He replies. "Don't be so silly"
Flattered, the woman is about to kiss him when he adds:
"It's all that fuckin’ chocolate you eat that makes your bum look big"

A man living on the second storey of an apartment block was leaning out of the window one morning to check whether it was raining when a glass eye suddenly fell into his hand. Looking up, he saw a girl peering down from four storeys above. "Is this yours?" he called out. "Yes," she replied. "Hold on," he said. "I'll bring it up to you."
So he took the glass eye up to the girl's apartment. She invited him in and they started chatting. Not only was she extremely grateful to him but she also found him incredibly attractive and so she asked him out to dinner that evening. He readily accepted. The meal was a great success and afterwards she suggested they go back to his place and go to bed. She stayed the night and when she left the following morning, he said: "I'm sorry but I have to ask. Do you act like this with every man you meet?" "No," she replied, "Only those who catch my eye."

A man and woman were having marital problems so they went to see a marriage counselor. The counselor, in an attempt to find some common ground from which to begin his analysis said, "Tell me about anything the two of you have in common."
The husband spoke up and said, "Well, neither one of us sucks dicks."

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant.
The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more. "I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "we don't have any" 'But I always buy it here," says the blonde "Do you have the container that it come in?" asks the pharmacist "YES", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant"
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container........." TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."