JOKES OF THE DAY 17/03

A bloke goes to the doctor and says, "I got this sex problem, doc". "Well", says the quack, "Tell me about your average day". "Well, it all starts in the middle of the night. My wife always wakes me up about 3:00 am for nookie and then again about 5 o'clock so we can spend a couple of hours making love before I go to work".
"Oh I see", said the doc. "No, hang on", said the man,"...you see, when I get on the train to work I meet this girl every day and we get a compartment to ourselves and have sex all the way there".
"Oh....now I see", said the quack. "No you don't", said our hero. "When I get to work my secretary really fancies me and I have to give her one in the storeroom".
"Oh....now I see", said the quack. "No no no", he said. "When I go to lunch I meet this dinner lady I'm very fond of and we nip out the back for a quickie".
"Now I understand", said the patient doctor. "No, hang on", said the bloke. "When I get back to work in the afternoon my boss, a very demanding lady I might add, has to have me or she says she'll give me the sack".
Ahh....", said the doctor, "now I see..". "No, there's more", said our man, "when I get home my wife is so pleased to see me she gives me a blow job before dinner and then we have sex afterwards".
"What's your problem?". asked the doc. "Well...", said our hero, "it hurts when I masturbate"

A sailor has sex with a Hong Kong hooker and a week later he goes to a doctor because his penis has turned yellow, purple and green. The doctor takes a look and says, "Well, it's pretty bad. We'll have to amputate." "No way!", says the sailor. He runs out and thinks, "Hmm... Chinese girl - Chinese doctor."So, he goes to Chinatown and finds a Chinese herbalist. The herbalist takes a look.The sailor says, "Hey doc, the previous doctor said he'd have to amputate."Chinese herbalist said, "Oh no. No need amputate. Two - three days - fall off all by itself!"

A lady decided to go into business and open an art gallery. she asked a painter she knew if he would paint a picture of Custer's last stand for the grand opening of the Gallery. On the day of the grand opening, the lady unveiled the painting and let out a gasp... It was a painting with a pile of excrement with a halo around it in the foreground, and hundreds of Indians having sex in the background. She confronted the painter, asking what the meaning of this was... He replied that he did a lot of research on Custer's last words, and found that they were, "Holy shit! Look at all the fucking Indians!"