UGLY DANCERS

TRICKY QUESTIONS

FIRST QUESTION: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

SECOND QUESTION: If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

THIRD QUESTION: Very tricky maths. Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Take 1000 and add 40. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?

FOURTH QUESTION: Mary's father has five daughters: Nana, Nene, Nini, Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

ANSWERS

Q1: If you answered that by overtaking the second person you were first, you were absolutely wrong. If you overtake the second person and take his place, you are second.
Q2. Can you please explain how you can overtake the LAST person?
Q3 I'm afraid I answered 5000 to this question:

The correct answer is actually 4100. Check with your calculator.
Q4 Nunu? Nana? Nene? Of course not. The fifth daughter's name is Mary.

RUDE NURSERY RHYMES

Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides,
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt
twas split right up the front,
...but she didn't wear that one very often.

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider that crept beside her,
but Little Boy Blue and his horn.

Simple Simon met a pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pieman,
"What have you got there?"
Said the pieman unto Simon,
"Pies, you dickhead."

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the kings men
Said, "Fuck him, he's only an egg."

Mary had a little lamb.
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its ass
and turned its wool to nylon.

Georgie Porgie pudding 'n pie,
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
he kissed them too, 'cause he’s funny that way.

THE POTTY PUTTER

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TOP TIPS

BASEBALL cap manufacturers. Save the wearer the bother of turning your caps round by putting the peak on the other side.

PARENTS Each week count the contents of your cutlery drawer. This way you can quickly identify if any spoons or knives have gone missing that could potentially be used to administer illegal drugs or commit violent crime.

CELEBRATE the birthday of a friend or relative by making your own Happy Birthday banner and strapping it to a roundabout. Motorists are always grateful to be informed of the age of someone they have never met.

DOCTORS. Tired of licking stamps? Simply attach your stamps to the underside of your tongue stick before the patient says "Aah." Hey presto! Free saliva.

MAKE your own inexpensive mints by leaving blobs of toothpaste to dry on a window sill. Use striped toothpaste to make humbugs.

BIRD FLU could be quickly and easily eradicated by adding a few drops of Lemsip or Daynurse to birdbaths. Obviously, you would have to put Nightnurse in the birdbaths for owls.

LADY drivers. Draw a little diagram on a Post-it showing the position of the hand brake and gearstick, and stick it to your dashboard. This will save you having to look for them when the lights go green.

thanks to Viz www.viz.co.uk/

THE KNITTED CONDOM

Warning: People who use the knitted condom have a much higher risk of pregnancy and STDs. The knitted condom may also cause burning, chaffing, vaginal dryness, loss of errection, and extreme pain. People who want to enjoy sex should not use the knitted condom.

JOKES FOR NORTYGORDY SNR

Two nuns are being attacked and raped in an alley,

One nun looks up the sky and says” dear Lord, forgive them, for they know not what they do”.

The second nun says “Oh God, this fucker does”.

A Jewish boy has been born with no eyelids, doctors came up with the idea of making some out of the foreskin when he was circumcised, but the mother said no, “it might make him cock-eyed”.

A man goes into the chemist and says to the girl behind the counter “have you got any KY jelly”? The girl says “I’m sorry, we’re out of stock, have you tried Boots”? The bloke said “ Jesus love, I want to slide in, not fuckin’ march in”.

What’s the best thing about fingering a fortune teller when she’s having a period?

You get your palm red for nothing.

A tramp walks into a jewellers shop, drops his pants and sticks a finger up his arse.

The jeweler says “you dirty bastard, what do you think you are doing”?

The tramp said “don’t blame me, the sign in your window says….. COME IN, AND PICK YOUR RING IN COMFORT”.

What’s the difference between a 69 and driving in thick fog?

When you drive in fog, you can’t see the Arsehole in front of you.

Camilla Parker Bowles goes to her doctor and says “ whenever I suck Charles’s cock, I get indigestion”

The doctor said “have you tried Andrews”?

ANSWER THIS......... IT'S YOUR CHOICE

Q1: If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis; would you recommend that she have an abortion?
Read the next question before scrolling down to the answer of this one.

Q2: It is time to elect the world leader, and your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three leading candidates:
Candidate A
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whisky every evening.

Candidate C He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any extramarital affairs.
Which of these candidates would be your choice?

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt
Candidate B is Winston Churchill
Candidate C is Adolf Hitler
If you said yes to the abortion question...
...you just killed Beethoven.

WEDDING REVENGE

WEDDING REVENGE

Here is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University.

This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and groom's families for coming and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a fabulous reception.

To thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts and everything, he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift from just him. So, taped to the bottom of everyone's chair was a manila envelope, including the wedding party. He said that this was his gift to everyone, and told everyone to open the envelopes.

Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best man having sex with the bride. He had gotten suspicious of the two of them and hired a private detective to trail them weeks prior to the wedding.

After he stood there and watched the people's reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said "Screw you," he turned to the bride and said "Screw you," and then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm out of here." He had the marriage annulled first thing that Monday morning.

While most of us would have broken off the engagement immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway as if nothing was wrong. His revenge?

Making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for 300 guests at the wedding and reception, letting everyone know exactly what did happen, and, best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of all of their friends, their entire families, i.e. their parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, nieces and nephews, etc.

This guy has balls the size of church bells. This is his world; we just live in it.

CUSTOMS CRACK SNIFFER DOG

ANYMORE THAN A HANDFULL IS A WASTE

15 STRANGEST COINCIDENCES IN HISTORY

· Mark Twain was born on the day of the appearance of Halley's Comet in 1835, and died on the day of its next appearance in 1910. He himself predicted this in 1909, when he said: "I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it."

· Oregon's Columbian newspaper announced the winning Pick 4 lottery numbers for June 28, 2000 in advance. The newspaper had intended to print the previous set of winning numbers but erroneously printed those for the state of Virginia, namely 6-8-5-5. In the next Oregon lottery, those same numbers were drawn.

· In 1979, the German magazine - Das Besteran - ran a writing competition. Readers sent in unusual stories, but they had to be based on true incidents. The winner, Walter Kellner of Munich, had his story published . He wrote about a time when he was flying a Cessna 421 between Sardinia and Sicily. He encountered engine trouble at sea, landed in the water, spent some time in an emergency dinghy and was then rescued. This story was spotted by an Austrian, also named Walter Kellner, who said that the German Kellner had plagiarized the story. The Austrian Kellner said that he had flown a Cessna 421 over the same sea, experienced engine trouble and was forced to land in Sardinia. It was essentially the same story, with a slightly different ending. The magazine checked both stories, and both turned out to be true, even though they were nearly identical.

· Morgan Robertson's 1898 novella Futility had many parallels with the RMS Titanic disaster; the book concerned a fictional state-of-the-art ocean liner called Titan, which (like the Titanic) eventually collides with an iceberg on a calm April night whilst en route to New York, with many dying because of the lack of lifeboats. Various other details in the book coincide with the Titanic disaster. Later, she wrote a book, Beyond the Spectrum, that described a future war fought with aircraft that carried "sun bombs". Incredibly powerful, one bomb could destroy a city, erupting in a flash of light that blinds all who look at it. The war begins in December, started by the Japanese with a sneak attack on Hawaii.

· On July 28th 1900, the King of Italy Umberto I was having dinner in a restaurant in the city of Monza. It turned out later that the restaurant's owner looked identical to the king. The restaurant owner's name was Umberto, his wife's name was the same as the queen's and the restaurant was opened on the same date as the king's inauguration. The Restaurant-owner Umberto was shot dead the next day. So was King Umberto.

· Claude Volbonne killed Baron Rodemire de Tarazone of France in 1872. 21 years earlier, the Baron's father had been murdered by somebody else called Claude Volbonne.

· On February 13, 1746, a Frenchman, Jean Marie Dubarry, was executed for the murder of his father. Precisely 100 years later, on February 13, 1846, another Frenchman, also named Jean Marie Dubarry, was executed - for the murder of his father.

· On the 26th November, 1911, three men were hanged at Greenberry Hill in London after being convicted of the murder of Sir Edmund Berry. Their names were Green, Berry and Hill.

· The British actor Anthony Hopkins [who shot to fame as Hannibal Lecter] was delighted to hear that he had landed a leading role in a film based on the book The Girl From Petrovka by George Feifer. A few days after signing the contract, Hopkins travelled to London to buy a copy of the book. He tried several bookshops, but there wasn't one to be had. Waiting at Leicester Square underground for his train home, he noticed a book apparently discarded on a bench. Incredibly, it was The Girl From Petrovka. That in itself would have been coincidence enough but in fact it was merely the beginning of an extraordinary chain of events. Two years later, in the middle of filming in Vienna, Hopkins was visited by George Feifer, the author. Feifer mentioned that he did not have a copy of his own book. He had lent the last one - containing his own annotations - to a friend who had lost it somewhere in London. With mounting astonishment, Hopkins handed Feifer the book he had found. 'Is this the one?' he asked, 'with the notes scribbled in the margins?' It was the same book.

· As the inhabitants of Ruthwell, Dumfriesshire, were watching a scene in the film Around the World in 80 Days, where a hot air balloon was about to take off, their TV sets went off due to a power cut. Nearby, power lines had been damaged. A hot air balloon had crashed into them.

· Hernán Cortés' arrival in Mexico in 1519 coincided with the year in the Mayan Calendar when it was predicted that the pale-faced man-god Quetzalcoatl would return to reclaim the city of Tenochtitlán. The Aztecs therefore assumed Cortés to be the legendary man-god, which assisted him in capturing the city and thence Mexico.

· A British officer, Major Summerford, while fighting in the fields of Flanders in February 1918 was knocked off his horse by a flash of lightning and paralyzed from the waist down. Summerford retired and moved to Vancouver. One day in 1924, as he fished alongside a river, lightning hit the tree he was sitting under and paralyzed his right side. Two years later Summerford was sufficiently recovered that he was able to take walks in a local park. He was walking there one summer day in 1930 when a lightning bolt smashed into him, permanently paralyzing him. He died two years later. But lightning sought him out one last time. Four years later, during a storm, lightning struck a cemetery and destroyed a tombstone. The deceased buried here? Major Summerford.

· In 1899 a bolt of lightning killed a man as he stood in his backyard in Taranto, Italy.
Thirty years later his son was killed in the same way and in the same place.
On October 8, 1949, Rolla Primarda, the grandson of the first victim and the son of the second, became the third.

· The date of the invasion June 6,1944 {6644} reflects the first great invasion associated with Normandy in 1066

· In the first Invasion in 1066 Roger de Montgomery commanded portions of William the Conquerors Forces.

· In the second Invasion 1944 Bernard Montgomery commanded portions of Eisenhower's Forces.

· German General Rommel -Montgomery's adversary in an earlier Campaign in N. Africa Commits suicide on October 14, 1944 {101444}

· The Battle of Hastings took place on October 14 {101466}

· Eisenhower's Birthday was October 14 {101490}

· The first Norman invasion initiated the first major immigration of Jews into Britain.

· The second Norman invasion initiated the chain of events that returned the Jews to Israel

· A. Lincoln and J.F. Kennedy

Life

· Both presidents had 7 letters in their last name.

· Both were over 6' feet tall.

· Both men studied law.

· Both seemed to have lazy eye muscles, which would sometimes cause one to deviate.

· Both suffered from genetic diseases. It is suspected that Lincoln had Marfan's disease, and Kennedy suffered from Addison's disease.

· Both served in the military. Lincoln was a scout captain in the Black Hawk War, and Kennedy served as a navy lieutenant in World War II.

· Both were boat captains. Lincoln was a skipper for the Talisman, a Mississippi River boat, and Kennedy was skipper of the PT 109.

· Both had no fear of their mortality and disdained bodyguards.

· Both often stated how easy it would be to shoot the president. Lincoln supposedly said, "If somebody wants to take my life, there is nothing I can do to prevent it." Kennedy supposedly said "If somebody wants to shoot me from a window with a rifle, nobody can stop it." Note that both these quotes are each 16 words long.

Death

· Both presidents were shot in the head, on a Friday.

· Both were seated beside their wives when shot. Neither Mrs. Lincoln nor Mrs. Kennedy was injured. Both wives held the bullet-torn heads of their husbands.

· In each case, the man was injured but not fatally. Major Henry Rathbone was slashed by a knife, and Governor John Connolly was shot.

· Lincoln sat in Box 7 at Ford's Theatre. Kennedy rode in car 7 in the Dallas motorcade.

· Lincoln was shot at Ford's Theatre. Kennedy was shot in a Ford product, a Lincoln limousine.

· Mrs. Kennedy insisted that her husband's funeral mirror Lincoln's as closely as possible.

The Assassins

· Both assassins used three names: John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald. (It should be noted that Lee Harvey Oswald was known as just Lee Oswald prior to the assassination.)

· There are 15 letters in each assassin's name.

· Both assassins struck when in their mid-twenties. Booth was born in 1838, and Oswald was born in 1939.

· Each assassin lacked a strong father figure in his life. Booth's father died when he was 13 years old, and Oswald's father died before he was born.

· Each assassin had two brothers whose careers he coveted. Booth's two brothers were more successful actors and Oswald envied his brothers' military lives.

· Both assassins were privates in the military. Booth was a private in the Virginia Militia, and Oswald was a private in the Marine Corps.

· Both assassins were born in the south.

· Both assassins were known sympathizers to enemies of the United States. Booth supported the Confederacy and Oswald was a Marxist.

· Both assassins often used aliases. Booth frequently used "J. Wilkes" and Oswald used the name "Alek J. Hidell."

· Booth shot Lincoln at a theatre and was cornered in a warehouse. Oswald shot Kennedy from a warehouse and was cornered in a theatre.

· Each assassin was detained by an officer named Baker. Lt. Luther B. Baker was leader of the cavalry patrol which trapped Booth at Garrett's Barn. Officer Marion L. Baker, a Dallas motorcycle patrolman, briefly detained Oswald on the second floor of the School Book Depository until he learned that he worked there.

· Both assassins were killed with a single shot from a Colt revolver.

· Both assassins were shot in a blaze of light-Booth after the barn was set afire, and Oswald in the form of television cameras.

Family and Friends

· Both presidents were named after their grandfathers.

· Both were born second children.

· Both married while in their thirties. Lincoln married at 33 and Kennedy married at 36.

· Both married dark-haired, twenty-four-year-old women.

· Both wives died around the age of 64. Mary Todd Lincoln died in 1882 at age 63 years and 215 days, and Jackie Kennedy died in 1994 at age 64 years 295 days.

· Both wives were known for their high fashion in clothes.

· Both wives renovated the White House after many years of neglect.

· Each couple had four children, two of whom died before becoming a teen.

· Each couple lost a son while in the White House. Willie Lincoln died at age 12 in 1862, and Kennedy's son Patrick died two days after his birth in 1963.

Politics

· Both presidents were elected to the House of Representatives in '46.

· Both were runners-up for the party's nomination for vice-president in '56.

· Both were elected to the presidency in '60.

Vice-Presidents

· Southern Democrats named Johnson succeeded both Lincoln and Kennedy (Andrew Johnson and Lyndon Baines Johnson.

· Andrew Johnson was born in 1808, and Lyndon Johnson was born in 1908.

· There are six letters in each Johnson's first name.

· Both Johnsons served in the military. Andrew was a brigadier general in the Civil War and Lyndon was a commander in the U.S. Navy during WW2.

· Both Johnsons were former southern senators.

· Both Johnsons had urethral stones, the only presidents to have them.

· Both Johnsons chose not to run for reelection in '68.

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THE ONLY FOUR BOTTLES YOU WILL NEED IN LIFE

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AND THE WINNER IS.... MISS GREEN

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BANNED FROM K-MART

CLICK ON PICTURE TO ENLARGE

TODAYS JOKES

After digging to a depth of 100 metres last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.
So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200 meters and headlines in the US papers read: "US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibre, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians."
One week later, an Irish newspaper reported the following: "After digging as deep as 500 meters, Irish scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless technology."

George W. Bush was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him,3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted (courtesy of the American Taxpayer, of course).
The first kid says, "I want to go to Disneyland." George W. says, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One."
The second kid says, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's."
George .W. says, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!!"
The third kid says, "I want a motorized wheel chair w/a built in tv & stereo/headset!" Bush is a little perplexed (by everything, actually) by this and says, "But you don't look like you're handicapped."
The kid says, "I will be after my everyone finds out I saved you from drowning!!!"

WHY WE ARE NOT BEATING THE IRAQI'S

TERRORISTS ARE NOT TOWEL HEADS

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE SEXY....BUT ISN'T

HEAD NURSE

RETIREMENT ISLAND

I'm thinking of buying a place on retirement island, it looks sooooo ...relaxing
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DON'T LET THE KIDS IN THE BEDROOM

QUESTIONS WOMEN ASK

QUICK CHANGE ARTIST

NOT THE BEST SIGHTS ON THE BEACH...

BIRD ON MY BONNET

I was driving down the road the other day, when quite unexpectedly a bird landed on my bonnet. I am hoping that one of you can help me, with some ideas how to get the cute little thing off, as she has been there for two weeks now.

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CHUNKY BABY

JOKES OF THE DAY

One day a homo dentist goes to another homo dentist to get some
dental work.
The tooth fairy says to the other one sitting in the chair: "You know, you have the whitest teeth I've ever come across."

Two poofs were sitting in a pub discussing how they gave up smoking.
"Whenever I got the urge", said one, "I used to suck on a lifesaver."
"That's alright for you", said his mate, "you live right next to the beach."

Two perfect strangers were talking to each other in the pub. One of them said, "If you were to wake up in the woods with vaseline smeared all over your arse, would you tell anyone?" The other one said, "Of course not!"
The first bloke said, "Oh, then would you like to go camping?"

A young man went up to his father and asked him, "Can I have twenty bucks for a blow job?" His father said, "I don't know. Are you any good?"

Two faggots were on the beach, one says to the other, "shall I put the umbrella up?" The other one replies, "yes but don't open it!"

THAT'S WHERE HE WAS HIDING...

WE HAVE FOUND HITLER
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IQ QUESTION ?

Here's a one-question IQ Test to help you decide how you should spend the rest of your day......

There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a hammer, how should he express himself?

Think about it first before viewing the answer...

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* He opens his mouth and says. "I would like to buy a hammer." *

If you got this wrong - please turn off your computer and call it a day.

ANOTHER REASON WHY I DON'T VISIT MY NAN AND POP

BBC VIDEO WHAT WAS SAID

IT WAS SIMPLY A FRENCH GREETING

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

THE SPANISH COMPUTER

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."

"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador") because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

RUNNING OF THE BULLS

IT HAS BEEN ANNOUNCED THAT THIS YEARS RUNNING OF THE BULLS WILL BE FOLLOWED BY A NEW FESTIVAL.....

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THE BURYING OF THE IDIOTS

BECKHAMS RESIGNATION

THEO'S WORLD CUP DIARY

England Football Tour By Theo Walcott Esq. aged 8 1/2

I went to a place called Germany with my Uncle Sven and some other grown up's. It is a country in Europe where a bad man called Adolf used to live with his nazties, he does not live there anymore, Uncle Owen does live there, and the grown up's say I cant talk about the bad man as it will make Uncle Owen cry if I do.

In Germany there are lots of castles and some mountains. We are staying in a place called Baden Baden that's a silly name, Uncle Frank has the same name as his dad, that's silly too, his mum must get their underpants mixed up all the time.

On the aeroplane Uncle Sol sat next to me, he got me some toffee and wants to be my friend, he works at the place where I do my YTS, so does Uncle Freddy but him and Uncle Sol are not best friends anymore.

Uncle Owen met us at the airport, he talks foreign, Uncle Wayne, Uncle Steven and Uncle David also talk funny, my mum says Uncle David talks like Orville, he is a duck, Uncle Sol say's uncle David wears dresses and knickers, and asked me if I had ever worn them. Uncle Sol got me some pop.

In Germany the grown ups are going to play football, my granddad says we beat them in the olden days before my mum was born. That is a long time ago. While the grown up's went to play football I went shopping with Auntie Vicky and some other girls she bought me a big ice cream and got herself a little one but she said she was full before she had eaten any and threw it away. She bought lots of shoes and handbags and let me play with Brooklyn. She say's she used to be in a pop band and sang me one of her songs, I think she was telling fibs.

I told Uncle Sol about my day out with Vicky and he sulked, then he bought me an even bigger ice cream with lots of hundred's & thousands on it. All the other grown up's have a girlfriend except Uncle Sol so he plays with me while they go out. Uncle Sven says I must keep Uncle Sol happy, that's why I got taken on holiday.

The grown up's went to play Football against somebody called Sweden, Uncle Sol was crying as Uncle Freddy played for them and would not talk to him. Uncle Sol bought me lots of toffee today and some crisps. Uncle Sven is from Sweden and I heard him on the phone to their boss last night. Uncle Michael hurt his knee and had to go home to his mum for a plaster. Uncle Peter is a giant, a proper giant like you see in books, he is rubbish at football though.

Uncle Wayne had a sore toe at the start of our holiday but it got better so they let him play football. Uncle Sol got me a present but I do not like it. He says all Germans wear leather underpants and I should while we are here, they are too tight for me.

All the grown up's started to call Uncle Wayne a potato head who stood on somebody's spuds. He got shouted at by the referee. They are all saying that we have to go home now. Uncle Sol was crying again and I had to sit on his knee to make him stop. He had his mobile phone in his pocket, I think.

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Thanks to http://evild.blogspot.com/