I came downstairs this morning and the wife was by the stove cooking breakfast in her slippers. I said to myself "I must buy her a frying pan!"
I came home last week and said to the wife, "I've heard the milkman has shagged every woman in this street but one"
She replied, "God, I bet it's that stuck up bitch from number 20!"
A teacher says to her class of kids "We are all descended from Adam and Eve". A little boy puts his hand up and says "My dad says we all descended from apes!". To which the teacher replies "We're not talking about your lot Rastus!!!!!"
Husband says to his wife "I had a wet dream about you last night".
"Really?" replies the wife
"yes. You fell off a cliff and I pissed myself laughing"
We are always told we should look after and keep an eye on our old neighbours. Why the fuck should we? My 87 year old neighbour is such a lazy bitch, she hasn't even taken her milk or newspapers in for two weeks.
Scientists have warned that 260,000 Muslims could die as a result of global warming.
On a more serious note my dog's got fleas.
Two Irishmen had a nightmare day visting the sperm bank in
Wife gets naked and asks hubby, "what turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?".
Hubby looks her up and down and replies, "your fucking sense of humour".
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