SUPPORT THE SONS OF SHANKLY

This Saturday sees Liverpool take on Barnsley in the fifth round of the FA Cup, but prior to the match the newly formed Liverpool Supporters Union - “Sons of Shankly” (SOS) - are holding a meeting which all fans are invited to attend.

The meeting will take place at The Olympia (see below for full details) from 12 noon, the reasons for S.O.S. and the reasons for their plans are outlined below in their press release, please read it, print it out and spread the word to anybody going to the match.

S.O.S. are calling for all fans to protest for 15 minutes after the match and also to boycott all LFC merchandise. We at This Is Anfield especially support the idea of the post-match protest, along with the idea of not purchasing a matchday programme or food and drink inside the ground.

Instead of getting a programme, pick up a fanzine from outside the ground and in return give something back to fellow fans.

Don’t buy a pie, beer or anything else inside the ground - it’s hugely over-priced, poor quality and you can easily go without. Don’t line the pockets of Hicks and Gillett (read below why).

Enjoy the match, support the team 100% during the match, let our feelings be known after the match and by keeping your money in your pocket.

Sons of Shankly website has now been launched, click here to visit

Press Release from “Sons of Shankly”, Liverpool Supporters Union:

You may or may not have heard of us. But here’s a little bit about who we are.

To do exactly as it says on the tin. A Union for all Liverpool Supporters. A voice that represents us all. A platform for us all to stand together and fight for what we believe in.

It is early days, and more details of how the organisation will grow will appear over the next few weeks and months. But the catalyst for our formation…..

We want Tom Hicks and George Gillett out of our club - why?

THEY LIED & HAVE JEOPARDISED OUR CLUB FOR THEIR PERSONAL GAIN

They promised that all loans would be would be secured against their own personal assets.

THEY LIED

•They have taken out a loan of £350m. £105m has been secured against the club and £245m against Kop Holdings – which owns 100% of Liverpool Football Club and has only one source of revenue: The Club.

•So, regardless of the smoke and mirrors, Liverpool Football Club has to pay all of the interest on all of the £350m.

•The interest payments alone for this debt will be around £30m each year. All of which will be payable by Liverpool FC – more than enough to wipe out the club’s operating profit.

•Gillett and Hicks have only taken out this new loan over an 18 month contract. This is very unusual for a deal of this size; three years is the usual minimum term. Wall Street analysts believe that this is because they had difficulty in getting the banks to lend them the money. Which raises questions about:

THE STADIUM

• £60m of that loan has been earmarked for starting construction of the new ground.

•There is no funding yet in place to complete the stadium, nor has planning permission been granted for a 71,000 capacity. Existing consent is for 60,000, with any increase depending upon improvements to transport and car parking. With no underground car park, the new plans have less car parking than the original 60,000 design!

•If they can’t borrow again in 18 months then they cannot complete the stadium. How can they pledge now that the stadium will be built? In the same way they pledged it would be well on its way to completion twelve months ago – by misleading us.

•So do they actually intend to complete the building of the new stadium?

•Should Hicks & Gillett get the loan to actually build the new ground, the additional interest payments will be £25m per year.

•This will leave Liverpool Football Club to shoulder annual payments of £55m in interest alone. Which begs the question:

WHERE WILL THE FUNDS COME FROM FOR TRANSFERS?

• When they took over, Hicks & Gillett promised to back the manager in the transfer market.

•From the two transfer windows Hicks and Gillett have owned the club for, Benitez has spent £48.5m on players, and recouped £33.5m in player sales. A net spend of £15m. This is the up-to-date figure that includes the purchase of Skrtel and the sale of Sissoko.

•The club brought in around £30m from the run to the Champions League Final last season alone. On top of this there is the increased TV money the club’s has received.

•Where is the money Gillett and Hicks have backed the manager with? They’ve lied to us, they’ve manipulated the press, and some people have believed the spin. We won’t.

•In reality, after all the talk about money and Snoogy Doogy, the manager has spent £15m in the last two transfer windows. How is that backing him in the transfer market?

It is about time the real picture was painted for all Liverpool fans out there.
They promised to respect the club’s heritage, history and traditions.

THEY HAVE LIED AND LIED.

They asked to be judged on what their actions. Well they have failed to make a start or produce the funding on the stadium, the major reason why David Moores looked for investment, they have failed to back the manager in the transfer market, They have not put one single cent of their own money into this club and they have undermined the traditions of the football club and the office of manager.

They have, however, managed to create huge debt for LFC to pay off without any end product.

How, exactly, is the football club in a better position now than it was twelve months ago under David Moores?

After the Sunderland game, we staged a 15 minutes stay behind protest at the end of the game. We intend to do the same again.

During the protest, Steve McManaman commented on Setanta that the Americans had backed the manager in the transfer market, secured their new loan bringing money into the club, and we should all forget about it and move on. We don’t blame McManaman, a fair number of good Reds have been won over by their spin, so why shouldn’t a blue?

So it’s time to spread the message and get the real goings on from within Anfield to a wider audience. It’s about time the truth was exposed. Hicks and Gillett have to be forced out of Anfield before they wreak more havoc.

New Australian Citizenship Test

Australia has become a very multi-cultured society with immigrants, arriving from every corner of the planet
It is only fair that this new citzenship questionairre has been devised to help them understand the Aussie Language, Customs, Food and Culture

New Australian Citizenship Test

LANGUAGE

1. Do you understand the meaning, or are able to explain the origin of, the term "died in the arse"?
2. What is a mole?
3. Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a U-ey?
4. Explain the following passage: "In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up for a barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a barney and a bit of biffo."

CUSTOMS

1. Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana. If they are travelling at 100 km/h while listening to Barnsey, Farnsey and Acca Dacca, how many slabs will each person on average consume between flashing a brown eye and having a slash?
2. Complete the following sentences: a) "If the van's rockin' don't bother ... b) You're going home in the back of a .... c) Fair suck of the .
3. I've had a gutful and I can't be fagged. Discuss
4. Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a wedgie?
5. Do you have a friend or relative who has a car in their front yard "up on blocks"? Is his name Keith and does he have a wife called Cheryl?

FOOD

1. Does your family regularly eat a dish involving mincemeat, cabbage, curry powder and a packet of chicken noodle soup called either chow mein, chop suey or kai see ming?
2. What are the ingredients in a rissole?
3. Demonstrate the correct procedure for eating a Tim Tam.
4. Do you have an Aunty Myrna who is famous for her tuna mornay and other dishes involving a can of cream of celery soup?
5. In any two-hour period have you ever eaten three-bean salad, a chop and two serves of pav washed down with someone else's beer that has been nicked from a bath full of ice?
6. When you go to a bring- your-own-meat barbie can you eat other people's meat or are you only allowed to eat your own?
7. What purple root vegetable beginning with the letter "b" is required by law to be included in a hamburger with the lot?

CULTURE

1. Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of thongs, an Esky or Ugg boots?
2. Is it possible to "prang a car" while doing "circle work"?
3. Who would you like to crack on to?
4. Who is the most Australian: Kevin "Bloody" Wilson, John "True Blue" Williamson, Kylie Minogue or Warnie?
5. Is there someone you are only mates with because they own a trailer or have a pool?
6. Would you love to have a beer with Duncan?

WHY SOME MEN DIE EARLY

JOKES FROM SHAZZA

ELDERLY SEX

One night, an 87 year-old woman came home from Bingo and found
her 92 year-old husband in bed with another woman.
She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony
of their 20th floor, assisted living apartment, killing him instantly.

Brought before the court on the charge of murder,
the judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defense.
She began coolly, "Yes, your honor. I figured that at 92, if he could have sex...
he could also fly."

WOMEN'S HUMOROUS SEX

My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said,
"This will make you happy tonight."

He was right. When he went out of the bedroom,
I squirted it all over the doorknobs.
He couldn't get back in.

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their
40th wedding anniversary. The husband yelled, "When you die, I'm getting
you a headstone that reads:
'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."

"Yeah," she replies, "when you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.' "

CONFOUNDED SEX

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled

and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine

could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover

the surgery since it was considered cosmetic.
The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small,
$6,500 for "medium, and $14,000 for "large."

The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged

him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.
The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.
The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.

"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.

"She'd rather remodel the kitchen."

SOCIAL SECURITY SEX

Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

QUIET SEX

Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife
during a recent lovemaking session,
"How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?"

She glanced at him and replied, "You're never home!"

LOUD SEX

A wife went in to see a therapist and said,
"I've got a big problem, doctor.
Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes,
he lets out this ear splitting yell."

"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural.
I don't see what the problem is."

"The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up!"

IT'S VALENTINES DAY BUT....

Here are some cards you probably wouldn't like to receive.

YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THE PUNCHLINE

GREAT RELIGION ISLAM...

Saudi police 'stopped' fire rescue

The Mecca city governor visited the fire-damaged school

Saudi Arabia's religious police stopped schoolgirls from leaving a blazing building because they were not wearing correct Islamic dress, according to Saudi newspapers.

In a rare criticism of the kingdom's powerful "mutaween" police, the Saudi media has accused them of hindering attempts to save 15 girls who died in the fire on Monday.

About 800 pupils were inside the school in the holy city of Mecca when the tragedy occurred.

According to the al-Eqtisadiah daily, firemen confronted police after they tried to keep the girls inside because they were not wearing the headscarves and abayas (black robes) required by the kingdom's strict interpretation of Islam.

One witness said he saw three policemen "beating young girls to prevent them from leaving the school because they were not wearing the abaya".

The Saudi Gazette quoted witnesses as saying that the police - known as the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice - had stopped men who tried to help the girls and warned "it is a sinful to approach them".

The father of one of the dead girls said that the school watchman even refused to open the gates to let the girls out.

"Lives could have been saved had they not been stopped by members of the Commission for Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice," the newspaper concluded.

Relatives' anger

Families of the victims have been incensed over the deaths.

Most of the victims were crushed in a stampede as they tried to flee the blaze.

The school was locked at the time of the fire - a usual practice to ensure full segregation of the sexes.

The religious police are widely feared in Saudi Arabia. They roam the streets enforcing dress codes and sex segregation, and ensuring prayers are performed on time.

Those who refuse to obey their orders are often beaten and sometimes put in jail.

PETER KAY AND MATT LUCAS

I'VE BEEN EVERYWHERE ..... BRILLIANT

DANDENONG MATHS EXAM

DANDENONG SECONDARY COLLEGE - CITY OF GREATER DANDENONG MATHEMATICS EXAM

NAME
GANG
Youse Time allowed is 1 hour

1. If Mohamed lowers his WRX 2 inches front and back and puts on stolen 18-inch Auscar slotted wheels, how many inches has he originally lost from the stock suspension?


2. If Con needs 3 razors a day to stay clean shaved, how many razors will he need before he goes to the gym at 8.00pm?


3. If Mustaffa runs 10 km from the Police in Noble Park to Springvale South then steals a car and drives another 5 km to Keysborough , how many kilometres has he travelled if he ends up hiding in Parkmore Shopping Centre?


4. Phan has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an "8 ball" to Hamil for $320.00 and 2 grams to Dak Hoang for $85.00 per gram, what is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it?


5. If Darren receives $200.00 per week disability allowance from Centrelink and works for his brother as a builder and receives a further $400.00 per week and then pays $10.00 per week for each of his 11 children for school, how much money does he have left to buy a smashed Tarago from the Keysborough Wreckers?


6. If Soula needs 25 mls of wax per day to get rid of her facial hair and Soula is only 19 years old, how many mls will her mother need if she is 47?


7. Mohamed has an AK-47 with 2 x 30 round clips. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive-by shooting, how many drive-by shootings can he attend before he has to reload?


8. If Abdo runs a Donor Kebab shop in Dandy Plaza and works as a Taxi driver on weekends and earns $1,200.00 per week, how much does Centrelink give him for his job search allowance?



9. If Dandenong's ethnic community is increasing at a rate of 3.5% per month, the overall population increasing at 2.1 % per month, at what rate are the Aussies leaving?


10. Quang is pimping for three girls. If the price is $75.00 for the trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so that Quang can pay for his $200 per day crack habit?


11. If Luigi drives his family and cousins all in one car from Dandenong North to Hampton Park, how many round trips will he need to make if 40 of his relatives need a lift and he can put 12 people in his Valiant at any
one given time?


12. If Mario's dad has his top 3 buttons of his shirt open and reveals 1 x golden cross and 2 other golden ornaments, and has approximately 17 sq cm of hair coming from his chest with an average length of 2 cm, what is the probability that the ornaments will be visible from:
a) 2 feet away .....%
b) 5 feet away .....%
c) 100 feet away .....%


END OF EXAM

WELCOME TO AUSTRALIA

A Somalian arrives in Sydney as a new immigrant to Australia

He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says,

"Thank you Mr. Australian for letting me in this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free education!"

The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am a New Zealander."

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such beautiful country here in Australia !"

The person says, "I not Australian, I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, "Thank you for the wonderful Australia!"

That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East , I am not Australian!"

He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an Australian?"

She says, "No, I am from South America !"

Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Australians?"

The African lady checks her watch and says...."Probably at work."