PLEASE HELP SETTLE AN ARGUMENT

Mrs Norty and I are having an argument over a lady on the Harrow Council. She says the lady is wearing glasses, but I can't see it myself.

The Lady in question is Eileen Kinnear

please click here www2.harrow.gov.uk/mgMemberIndex.aspx? and see what you think.

While we are on the subject, is this a real name?

click here http://www.electraisd.net/alumni/display_class.aspx?y=1993

Last girl on the fifth row down.

SCIENCE EXAM ANSWERS

SAT Science Exam Questions and Answers

No, really. This is the state of the education system these days.

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

DEAR GOD, HERE IS A GOOD QUESTION

QUESTIONS I CAN'T ANSWER

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Did you ever stop and wonder......

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its bum."

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on……. Yes, it caught me too!

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

QUESTIONS THAT NEED TO B E ANSWERED

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

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Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? What happens to that extra penny?

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Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

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What disease did cured ham actually have?

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How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

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Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

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If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

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Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON tv?

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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

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Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

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Why is "bra" singular and " panties" plural?

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Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp,
no decent human being would eat?

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If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

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If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

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Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

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If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

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Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

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Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

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Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

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Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you. But, when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

TEST FOR DEMENTIA

Test for Dementia
Below are four ( 4 ) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately, OK?
Let's find out just how clever you really are....



First Question:

you are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?






Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are
absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up next time.
Now answer the second question,
but don't take as much time as you took for the first question, OK ?

Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?


You're not very good at this, are you?

Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only .
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.



Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30 .
Add another 1000 . Now add 20 . Now add another 1000
Now add 10 . What is the total?



Did you get 5000 ?

The correct answer is actually 4100.



If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you'll get the last question right...
Maybe.



Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini,
4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?




Did you Answer Nunu?
NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!



Okay, now the bonus round:

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By
imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of
sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?

He just has to open his mouth and ask...
It's really very simple.. Like you!

KEEP THIS GOING TO FRUSTRATE THE
SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE

TRICKY QUESTIONS

FIRST QUESTION: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

SECOND QUESTION: If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

THIRD QUESTION: Very tricky maths. Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Take 1000 and add 40. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?

FOURTH QUESTION: Mary's father has five daughters: Nana, Nene, Nini, Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

ANSWERS

Q1: If you answered that by overtaking the second person you were first, you were absolutely wrong. If you overtake the second person and take his place, you are second.
Q2. Can you please explain how you can overtake the LAST person?
Q3 I'm afraid I answered 5000 to this question:

The correct answer is actually 4100. Check with your calculator.
Q4 Nunu? Nana? Nene? Of course not. The fifth daughter's name is Mary.

ANSWER THIS......... IT'S YOUR CHOICE

Q1: If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis; would you recommend that she have an abortion?
Read the next question before scrolling down to the answer of this one.

Q2: It is time to elect the world leader, and your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three leading candidates:
Candidate A
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whisky every evening.

Candidate C He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any extramarital affairs.
Which of these candidates would be your choice?

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt
Candidate B is Winston Churchill
Candidate C is Adolf Hitler
If you said yes to the abortion question...
...you just killed Beethoven.

IQ QUESTION ?

Here's a one-question IQ Test to help you decide how you should spend the rest of your day......

There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a hammer, how should he express himself?

Think about it first before viewing the answer...

:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:

* He opens his mouth and says. "I would like to buy a hammer." *

If you got this wrong - please turn off your computer and call it a day.

THE FIRING SQUAD

This is a brilliant puzzle, and will really test your powers of reasoning

The graphic above depicts four men, buried up to their necks, about to get shot by a firing squad (ah, the poor souls).

'A' is facing the wall from the left, the other 3 (B, C, D) are facing the wall from the right. They know they are 3 on one side and 1 on the other. They are also lined up in a straight line and cannot see around or through the wall.

They had their hats put on at night and so they do not know what color of hat they are wearing; but they know there are four men altogether and that two of them are wearing a white hat and two a black one.

In order to for all of them to avoid being shot, one of them must call out to the executioner the color of THEIR hat. If they get it wrong, they will all be shot. They are not allowed to talk to each other, nor is there any other form of communiciation.

They have 5 minutes to figure it out.

After two minutes of silence:

Which one them calls out their hat color?

Why is he certain of the color of his hat?

This is not a trick question. They cannot move. They are buried in a straight line. A & B can only see their respective views of the wall, C can see B, and D can see B & C.

Give Up?

ANSWER BELOW

Man 'A' certainly can't see anything, so it's up to the other three.

Man 'B' can't see much of anything either so he doesn't have a clue.

Man 'D' can see the two in front of him if he strains his neck a bit, but he knows that there are four of them in total with two wearing black and two wearing white hats. He sees one of each in front of him and therefore isn't certain which color his is. If he saw two of any color in front of him, then he'd obviously know his was an opposite color. But there aren't, there is one of each. So he keeps quiet.

Meanwhile, man 'C' can only see one color in front of him - white - and he initially isn't certain of his color either. But time goes on and he figures that if the man behind him saw two of the same color he'd have yelled out his color by now, but two minutes have gone by and it's quiet enough to hear a pin drop.

At this time he realizes that since man 'D' isn't certain then he must be seeing one of each color and it therefore stumped as to his own color.

So..... Man 'C,' after two minutes figures that if man 'D' is seeing one of each and he (man 'C') can see a white hat in front of him then he is most certainly wearing a black hat and yells it out....

Man 'C' saves the day.

Couldn't you just shoot yourself for not figuring that out??

Are You Dirty Minded???

1). What is a four-letter word that ends in k and means the same as intercourse?

2). What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of?

3). What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it?

4). What word starts with f and ends with u-c-k?

5). Name five words that are each four letters long, end in u-n-t, one of which is a word for a woman?

6). What does a dog do that you can step into?

7). What four letter word begins with f and ends with k, and if you can't get one you can use your hands?

8). What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat?

9). What four-letter word ends in i-t and is found on the bottom of birdcages?

10). What is it that all men have one of; it's longer on some men than on others; the pope doesn't use his; and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?

ANSWERS:
1. (talk)
2. (legs)
3. (a twenty dollar bill)
4. (firetruck)
5. (bunt, hunt, runt, punt, aunt)
6. (pants)
7. (fork)
8. (Snickers candy bar)
9. (grit)
10. (last name)

BOB'S QUIZ

World's Easiest Quiz?

>>> Passing requires only 4 correct answers.... a measly 40%.
>>> 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?

>>> 2) Which country makes Panama hats?

>>> 3) From which animal do we get catgut?

>>> 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October
Revolution?

>>> 5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

>>> 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific is named after
what animal?

>>> 7) What was King George VI's first name?

>>> 8) What color is a purple finch?

>>> 9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

>>> 10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial
airplane?


>>> All done? Check your answers below! Scroll Down

>>>

>>>
>>> ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> 1) 116 years

>>> 2) Ecuador

>>> 3) Sheep and Horses
>>>
4) November
>>>
>>> 5) Squirrel fur

>>> 6) Dogs

>>> 7) Albert

>>> 8) Crimson

>>> 9) New Zealand

>>> 10) Orange, of course..

>>> What do you mean you failed???????

HERE'S BOB WITH NELSON