Ninja!

Friday, July 20, 2007

10 DANGEROUS FIRST AID MYTHS

We all know some remedy myths or old wives tales, but some of them have no effect on conditions, ailments, or illnesses of the human body. If you try any of these myths, you may run the risk of having an adverse reaction or the opposite result of what you would like to happen. So here are ten classic emergency fixes that definitely won’t do in a pinch:


1. Sucking Venom From a Snakebite

Cutting the skin of a snakebite victim to suck out the poison may be a classic first-aid technique, but doctors now say it’s useless and even dangerous. “Cutting and sucking, or applying a tourniquet or ice does nothing to help,” says Dr. Robert Barish, an emergency physician at the University of Maryland. The outdated measures “may do more harm than good by delaying prompt medical care, contaminating the wound or by damaging nerves and blood vessels,” Barish says in an article released by the university’s School of Medicine and the Rocky Mountain Poison Center.

“The victim should be moved out of harm’s way and transported to the nearest medical facility as soon as possible,” Barish advises. So the best cure for snakebite: a cell phone and a helicopter.

2. Peeing on a Jellyfish Sting

You’re far more likely to suffer a jellyfish sting than a shark bite, so here’s what you need to know:

First, don’t believe the rumors. Peeing on a stung bit of skin won’t do much to relieve suffering, and you’ll suffer some odd stares, too, doctors say.

“Urine has not been scientifically proven to help in jellyfish stings”, said Dr. Paul Auerbach, an emergency physician at Stanford University Hospital and an expert on jellyfish stings.

“Instead, vinegar is the best first treatment,” he said, when treating stings from North American jellyfish.

But the question still lingers, if no vinegar is in sight is urine better than nothing? While studies haven’t proven it, Auerbach admits he’s known a few people who said urine worked for them.

3. Drinking Booze to Ease a Toothache

“A shot of whiskey is not going to kill the pain of a toothache,” says Charles Wakefield, D.D.S., director of advanced education in general dentistry at Baylor University medical school. Instead of a whiskey on the rocks, just order the rocks: A Canadian study found that rubbing an ice cube on people’s hands killed tooth pain in 50 percent of them. Wrap the cube and rub it on the V-shaped soft spot of your hand, where the bones of your thumb and index finger meet. The cold, rubbing sensation travels on the same pathway to the brain as tooth pain, and by icing your hand, you override the signals from your mouth. When you’re finished, call a dentist. And pour yourself that whiskey.

4. Slathering Butter on a Burn

Putting butter, Crisco, or any other kind of grease on a burn can trap heat, cause scarring, and lead to infection. “When you’ve burned yourself, you’ve damaged the integrity of the skin, and butter is not the cleanest thing in the world,” says Ben Wedro, M.D., an emergency-room doctor at the Gundersen Clinic in La Crosse, Wisconsin. Your impulse to douse the burn in ice water is off base as well; the drastic temperature change can cause more pain. Instead, use cool water to soothe and clean the area.

5. Slapping a Raw Steak on a Black Eye

In the movies, you always see someone put a raw steak over their black eye. While it may feel good, the grease from the steak might get into the eye, causing more inflammation.

“The only medical merit this has is if it’s a cold steak,” says Flip Homansky, M.D., who’s seen his share of shiners in his work for the Nevada State Athletic Commission, which regulates Las Vegas’s boxing bouts. “The cold will decrease swelling, but there is no enzyme or anything else in a raw steak that will help otherwise.” The fact that the steak, compared with blocks of ice or ice cubes, can be formed to fit over the eye is another benefit, but a cheaper and less bacteria-prone solution is a bag of frozen peas, or crushed ice in a plastic bag wrapped in a towel. And remember, you will still end up with bruising.

6. Apply Peroxide to Cuts and Scrapes and Leave Open to Air

“I am not a fan of peroxide,” Richard O’Brien, MD, says. Some authorities even think it can kill the body’s cells that are rushing to fend off intruding bacteria and germs trying to enter the wound. O’Brien prefers soap and water - or just clean water - to flush out bits of dirt and irrigate the wound. Even hose water will do.

“We go by clean, treat, and protect,” he says. Clean a cut or scrape, apply antibiotic ointment, and bandage it. “Some people like to let wounds air, but I find they heal faster if they are protected. More importantly, if they are bandaged, the person, especially a child, will protect them better. You can’t imagine how many times people will reinjure the same place! I see it all the time. Bandaging makes it less likely the wound will be reopened.”

Any cut that goes beyond the top layer of skin might need stitches. Generally, the sooner stitches are put in, the lower risk of infection.

7. People May Swallow Their Tongues During a Seizure

It’s commonplace in movies. Someone has a seizure and a passerby sticks something in the patient’s mouth so they don’t swallow their tongue and block their airway. “People can control their own airway,” Richard O’Brien, MD, says. “Don’t stick anything in there.” If the person is outside, let him or her roll around on the ground. It’s OK.

When a person is having a seizure, don’t hold the person down as this can result in injury. Just remove sharp objects - glasses, furniture etc. - from around the person to prevent injury.

8. If You Get a Bee Sting, You Must Squeeze Out the Stinger

Never do this! Squeezing the stinger may allow venom still in the sac to get into your system. “Scrape the stinger out with a credit card,” Richard O’Brien, MD, says. “Even those acrylic nails work, if they are clean.” If the person is getting red or having trouble breathing, dial 911. This can be serious or even fatal.

Another bee sting remedy is putting baking soda on it. This one actually works. Mix baking soda with water to form a thick paste and slap it on ASAP. “The sting is produced by an acid, and if you put baking soda on as soon as you can, it neutralizes that acid,” says Stephen Purcell, D.O., chairman of the division of dermatology at the Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine. If you don’t have baking soda, wet the affected area and rub it with an uncoated aspirin; the aspirin will help control swelling, pain, and inflammation.

9. Throw Your Head Back to Stop a Nosebleed

“Don’t put your head between your knees or tip your head back,” Richard O’Brien, MD, says. The latter is especially bad because you can breathe the blood into your lungs or get it in your stomach and vomit.

“Press the fleshy part of your nose,” O’Brien says, “and not the part where your glasses sit - lower than that - as if you are trying to stop a bad smell.” Now - and this is the important part - press firmly for a complete 10 minutes by the clock. “People don’t do that, they let up every three seconds to see if it stopped,” he says. Ten minutes! O’Brien says there are also medications and little nostril plugs for people who get frequent nosebleeds.

If a nosebleed lasts for more than 15 minutes, occurs following a serious injury, or is accompanied by severe blood loss, you should call your doctor or go to the emergency room.

10. If You Get Shin Splints, Running More Will Ease Them

Anyone who has run or hiked too much without conditioning has probably experienced shin pain. “This is really called medial tibial stress syndrome,” says Jim Thornton, MA, a certified athletic trainer and head trainer at Clarion University of Pennsylvania. Basically the muscle attached to the shinbone is tearing loose. The inflammation - or pain - is a response on the way to healing.

“If you continue to pound the tears,” Thornton tells WebMD, “it will not heal. The key is to have it evaluated because it means your muscles are out of balance. If you run again when the pain lets up, dial back the mileage, because shin splints can end up in a stress fracture.”

So, next time you have softball in the eye, don’t reach for a raw steak! You can make matters worse if you follow wacky, outdated advice and don’t know the correct steps to take.

CROPPING CAN TRICK YOU

Thursday, July 19, 2007

LATEST TERROR ALERT STATUS

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in
France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
paralysing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of
alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

SOME ONE LINERS

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The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

They told me I was gullible... I should never have believed them.

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

I had amnesia once -- or was it twice.

How can there be self-help "groups"?

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

Never trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent.

Is it possible to be a closet claustrophobic?


ASK THE CALL CENTRE

The following are real conversations Directory Enquiries operators had with callers, as revealed in interviews with staff at the Cardiff DE Centre.

Caller : I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please.
Operator : I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?
Caller : Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the B fell off.


Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator : Woven? Are you sure?
Caller : Yes. That's what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland.




Caller : I'd like the RSPCA please.
Operator : Where are you calling from?
Caller : The living room




Caller : The water board please.
Operator : Which department?
Caller : Tap water.



Operator : How are you spelling that?
Caller : With letters.



Caller : I'd like the number for a reverend in Cardiff, please.
Operator : Do you have his name?
Caller : No, but he has a dog named Ben.




Caller : The Union of Shopkeepers and Alligators please.
Operator : You mean the Amalgamated Union of Shopkeepers?




On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told the worried operator: "I haven't got a pen so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.

PIRATE MOVIES

My wife loves Pirate movies, this one seems to be her favourite. I don't know why.
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ADS THAT WON'T WORK TODAY



OLD ARTISTS.... NEW SONGS

Some of the vocal artists of the '60s are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers.

They include:

1. Herman's Hermits--- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker.

2. The Bee Gees--- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip.

3. Bobby Darin--- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.

4. Ringo Starr--- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.

5. Roberta Flack--- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.

6. Johnny Nash--- I Can't See Clearly Now.

7. Paul Simon--- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver (one of my favorites).

8. The Commodores--- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.

9. Marvin Gaye--- Heard It Through the Grape Juice.

10. Procol Harem--- A Whiter Shade of Hair.

11. Leo Sayer--- You Make Me Feel Like Napping.

12. The Temptations--- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.

13. Abba--- Denture Queen.

14. Tony Orlando--- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.

15. Helen Reddy--- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.

16. Willie Nelson--- On the Commode Again

17. Leslie Gore It's My Procedure and I'll Cry If I Want To

ANGRY KID


Angry Kid-Wanker - Funny videos are here

IS THERE A MAN ON THE CHAIR? LOOK CLOSELY

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

DOES MY BUM LOOK BIG IN THIS

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JAMMHAL WAS UPSET BECAUSE PEOPLE COULDN'T SEE THE BEAUTY WITHIN...

POSH EXPLAINS....


"I tell you summink, right, in this life you get aht wot you put into it, rahht? I don't let no one stand in my way and tell me wot to do and I don't take no shit, rahht?
I've always made my way in this wewd the way I want to, like it's a dog eat dog wewd aht there and you gotta look aht for yourself, rahht? I know where I stand and this is the real wewd, rahht, and no one is gonna stand in my way and stop me from gettin' wot is mine. You gotta earn that respect but when you have earnt it then respect is due and I am due respect.
Wiv me, you get wot you see.
I always pay my way and the cloves I wear and my cars and my houses is all mine, I earnt every penny rahht? So no one has got the right to tell me wot to do.
I'm on my way to the top and no one is gonna get in my way and I know exactly wot I'm doin' and I'm in control and no one is gonna stop me and I know where I stand and I know what to do and where I'm goin' and I know wot this wewd is abaahht and I stay focused and I do my fing and I know wot I'm doin' and I stay true to myself and I know wot I'm doin'. and where I'm goin' and I take it one day at a time and stay focused on the goal and that goal is to get to the top. I don't have no regrets.
I ain't some little gewl, I'm a real gewl livin' in the real wewd.
Raaahhht?"

STOP PLAYING WITH YOURSELF




GOING BLIND?..... SORE WRISTS?......... TRY THIS TO HELP YOU STOP

BUT IF IT DOESN'T WORK.... TRY THESE WHEN YOUR FINISHED

JOKES FOR NORTYGORDY SNR.

President Bush was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water.
He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted. The first kid says, "I want to go to Disneyland."
Bush says, "No problem, I'll take you there on Air Force One."
The second kid says, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's."
Bush says, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!!"
The third kid says, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!"
Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you're handicapped."
The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning!!!"


It was the happiest day of my life. Arrived at church, wife waiting at the altar.
Walked up the aisle. Kissed her on the cheek, smiled......... and closed the lid....


A newlywed couple goes to bed early on christmas night. The wife awakes in the middle of the night, wakes her husband and says: "Honey, honey wake up! I had the most amazing dream!"
Husband: "Huh, what was it?"
Wife: "In my dream I saw a christmas tree that was decorated with all different kinds of dicks. There was big ones, small ones, black ones, white ones, and at the top of the tree was the perfect dick: it was long and thick!"
Husband: "Well, it was my dick, right?"
Wife: "No, it was Dennis Rodman's!"
The husband, somewhat annoyed that his wife awoke him to tell him about a dream about Dennis Rodmans dick, rolled over and went to sleep. Later that evening the husband awoke and wakes his wife and says: "Honey, I had the most amazing dream!"
Wife: "What was it?"
Husband: "In my dream I saw a christmas tree that was decorated with all different kinds of pussy's. There were tight ones, loose ones, black ones, white ones, and at the top of the tree was the perfect pussy: it was tight and shaved!"
Wife: "Was it mine?"
Husband: "No, yours was holding the tree up!"


On their wedding night, the young bride went up to her new husband.
"Since we're married now, we can arrange our sex life like this: In the evening, if my hair is done, that means I don't want sex at all. If my hair is somewhat undone, that means I may or may not want sex. And if my hair is completely undone, that means I want sex."
"Okay sweetheart," the groom replied.
"Just make sure, when I come home, I usually have a drink. If I have only one drink, that means I don't want sex. If I have two drinks, I may or may not want sex. But if I have three drinks, your hair doesn't matter."


Two nuns were taking a stroll through the park at dusk when two men jumped them, ripped off their habits, and proceeded to rape them.
Sister Gregory, bruised and battered, looked up at the sky and said softly, "Forgive him, Lord, for he knows not what he does."
Sister Theresa looked over at her and said, "mine does!"


A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
The blonde says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

DRIVE THRU ATM

A new sign in the bank lobby reads : Please note that this bank is installing new drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.

MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash & receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off

FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse car the required amount to align car window with machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to it’s excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary; with your PIN written on the inside of the back page
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in cheque register and place receipt in back of cheque book.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card in slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 - 3 miles.
27. Release hand brake.

SITES YOU MIGHT NEED

This is a link to Webster's Online Dictionary.

This is a link to Encyclopedia Britannica.

This is a link to Columbia's Online Encyclopedia.

This a link to Roget's Online Thesauraus.

This is a link to Bartlett's Famous Quotations.

Here is a link to the Smithsonian Institution the world's largest museum complex and research organization.

This is a link to a UCSD Library Reference Works.....great reference links.

This is a link to great classic books on-line Bartelby....Darwin, Dickens, Shakespeare, fiction, non-fiction, poetry, etc.

This is a link to a free online translator.

This is a link to count to ten in over 5000 languages.

This is a link to a The Fact Monster...everything from basic math concepts to reference data and arcane trivia.

GREAT THINKERS OF OUR TIME

CLICK TO ENLARGE

HOW TO FIX THINGS


Here are a few sites that may save you lotsa money, they show you how to fix things yourself.

Just click on the links:

www.howtomendit.com/

www.ehow.com/

www.wikihow.com/Main-Page

PETROL PRICES AROUND THE WORLD IN US DOLLARS

Monday, July 16, 2007

GRIZZLY BEAR NOTICE

BABY FOOD

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YORKSHIRE AIRLINES

THE FLIGHT CREW

The airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your destination."
Ed sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?"

When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said "Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"


"Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female."

"My God," said Ed, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit."
"That's another thing sir," said the attendant,
"We No Longer Call It The Cock Pit."







"It's The Box Office."

WHY YOU SHOULDN'T INVITE YOUR AUNTIES TO YOUR 18TH BIRTHDAY PARTY