Wednesday, March 05, 2008

QUICK JOKES

How does it change many dyslexics to take a light-bulb?


Two Irishmen walking past a Police Station.
A big poster at the front reads "Two Blackmen wanted for rape!"
Paddy turns to Mick and says "Dem Fokkers always get the best jobs".


How do you cancel an appointment at the sperm bank? Easy...You just ring them up and tell them you can't come.

A couple were engaged in foreplay when the woman asked, "Why don't you make
my pussy talk?"
"How do I do that?" asked her partner.
"Put a tongue in it."


Every morning for the last week, I’ve opened the curtains just as a German Shepherd has been having a shit on my front lawn. But this morning took the biscuit, he’s only brought his dog and two of his sheep with him.


My friend gave up drinking, smoking and sex. He was a real health nut,

right up to the day he committed suicide.


Marriage has to be a woman’s idea, can you imagine a man all those years ago saying, “I know lets get married, I won’t sleep with anyone else, and if I do, or it doesn’t work out. I have to give you half my things”.


My last vet’s bill was so expensive, $3,000. When the receptionist told me the price, I went into a state of shock. One of the other customers asked me what happened.

I said “apparently, my dog bought a car after I dropped him off”.


Is it me, or does Peacekeeper missile sound like Paedophile babysitter.


Jock McTavish was up in court for buggerin' his cat...The case was dismissed cos the judge refused to believe that a Scotsman would put anything into a fucking kitty!


Went to see the nurse for a check up and she says you’ll have to stop wanking,

I say why is it damaging my health?

She says no I’m trying to examine you!


I've just bought a racehorse called 'my face'. I'm going to enter it on ladies day at Ascot. Just imagine all those woman shouting 'cum on my face'

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