Tuesday, May 02, 2006



My wife -- we have no sex life. Her favourite position is back-to-back.

Last week my wife told me from now on we were going to have Olympic sex.

You know, once every 4 years.

With my wife, I gave up. The other night, I told her, "You win, you're the boss. When it comes to sex, it'll be in your hands." She said, "You're wrong, it'll be in your hands."

I remember the first time I had sex with my wife. I said to her, "On the scale of 1 to 10, how do you rank me as a lover?" She said, "I can't. I'm no good at fractions."

To me Viagra is the same as Disneyland. You wait an hour for a 2-minute ride.

I'm so ugly, when I told the doctor I wanted a vasectomy, he told me with a face like mine, I didn't need one.

"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy."

"My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects."

"My best birth control now is to leave the lights on."

"My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often."

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