Thursday, April 26, 2007

SOME OLDIES JOKES FOR NORTYGORDY SNR.

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish.

Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day. The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.

They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady,

"Do you want to go up or down?"

All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat !

When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.

They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river.

He again asked the lady, "Up or down ?"

There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again.

This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day.

She said yes and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in river, and the elderly gentleman asked, "Up or down?"

The woman replied, "Down."

A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady,"Up or down ?"

She replied, "Up."

This really confused the gentleman so he asked, "What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!"

She replied, "Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were "fuck or drown."




A couple has been married for 50 years and
Are celebrating their anniversary.
The wife asks what the husband wants for their anniversary and he replies,
"I would like you to perform oral sex on me.
In the 50 years we have married NEVER have You ONCE done this to me."
She replies, "It's just that I'm afraid that you won't respect me afterwards."
"Won't respect you afterwards!" he yells,
"We have been married for 50 years for Christ sakes!"
"OK! OK! I'll do it just this one time!"
She then bends down and gives him oral sex until he has an orgasm in her mouth.
Immediately afterwards she runs to the bathroom. The phone rings next to the bed and he picks it up.
He then yells to his wife,
"Hey Cock sucker! It's for you!"




Defense Attorney: What is your age?

Little old Woman: I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you on April 1st this year?

Little old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my porch on a warm Spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Little old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Little old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little old Woman: He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little old Woman: No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just laid down and said to him, "Take me, young man, take me!"

Defense Attorney: Did he take you?

Little old Woman: Hell, no. He just yelled, "April Fool!"

And...that's when I shot the little bastard!




An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the Pharmacist for the little blue "Viagra" pill. The pharmacist asked "How many?" The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each one into four pieces." The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through sex." The old fellow said, "Oh, I'm past eighty years old and I don't even think about sex much anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my new golf shoes...."

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