QUICKIES

I said to my wife, I want to try anal sex. She said “Sure, just turn around, you can be first”.

Our daughter said in her sex education class, the teacher used a cucumber to demonstrate the correct way to put on a condom. I was shocked, but my wife’s only comment was “a cucumber…… girl are you gonna be disappointed”.

I asked my girlfriend what she fantasized about when we were having sex. She said she didn’t have enough time to fantasize.

I think my wife is having an affair…… She broke her ankle in the glove box of her car.

The first time, I ever got undressed in front of a woman was horrible. I slipped off my shirt, dropped my pants to my ankles and seductively removed my Y-fronts. She started screaming, and then they kicked me off the bus.

I’ve taken up karate. I can now break my hand in half, just by hitting a brick.

I now save money, by not going skiing, I just stand in my freezer while my wife smacks me across the face with tree branches, then I fall head first onto the kitchen floor.

I recently became born again. It was a glorious and wonderful experience. Mind you it wasn’t a lot of fun for my mother.

I discovered Zen Buddhism; it teaches you the art of thinking and doing nothing. Last week I got fired for being a Zen Master.

My neighbour was a bigot and a compulsive bed wetter. He used to go to Ku Klux Klan meetings in a rubber sheet.