Tuesday, January 02, 2007


DE-BONED - To become so drunk you appear not to have any skeletal structure to hold you up.

DEJA BOOZE - When an infrequently enjoyed drink reminds you of the last time you enjoyed it. As in, “This margarita reminds me of when I was partying in Tijuana, just before I vomited on myself, picked a fight with the bartender and got thrown in the clink. Good times, good times.”

DRINK SHRINK - Those who, after a few drinks, discover they have the ability to psychoanalyze and offer solid personal advice to their friends and/or strangers.

FUGLY BUS - The mysterious bus that whisks away all the ugly people from the bar and replaces them with their beautiful cousins while you’re in the bathroom draining your tenth pint.

JUMPING ON THE GRENADE - When two groups of the opposite sex meet, one member “jumps on the grenade” by talking to (or possibly sleeping with) the least attractive member of the other group so as to ensure the success of the rest of the group.

KAMIKAZE EYES - The look a drunk gets when he spies someone he always hated but never had the guts to fight. Until now.

PAVEMENT PIZZA - Vomit on the sidewalk, often found outside bars.

SKINFLINT SPRINT - The fast walk a departing patron employs after he’s left the cocktail waitress a less-than-generous tip on the table.

ALCOHEIMERS. the inability to remember what happened while drinking the night before.

BARF-LIES. post-vomiting affirmations that you will never drink again.


HURDLING IN THE SPECIAL OLYMPICS. to trip over furniture while drunk.

NIGHTINGALE . someone who nurses a drink for an extended period of time; a reference to the legendary nurse Florence Nightingale.

SOCIAL LUBRICANTITUS . the inability to enjoy an event without the presence of alcohol.

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