Saturday, November 11, 2006


In school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower

"The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in."

Just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?" –

So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?".
He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".

A father catches his son masturbating. He says, "Don't do that, son, or you'll go blind." The kid says, "Pop, I'm over here."

In Baltimore, there's a 60-year-old "Lady of the Night" listed in the Yellow Pages. In fact, She's the oldest trick in the book!

I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane.

Q: What are the "Man's Three Rules When Getting Old?"
A: Never pass a bathroom, don't waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.

Q. What can jelly babies do that real men can't?
A. Come in six different colours!

My husband and I fell in love at first sight.... Maybe I should have taken a second look.

That's what I like about schoolgirls, I get older, but they stay the same age.

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