A friend of mine entered a dog at Crufts, the police arrested him for bestiality.
I entered a strawberry picking competition last year and it was won by a woman with no legs....... The Jammy Cunt
A man comes to a doctor because of sore throat. The doctor tells him to pull down his pants and to swing his bollocks in the window. "What does this have to do with my throat?" "Nothing, I just hate that prick across the road."
"You should always unplug appliances before going to bed at night. There are two excepts to this rule: Fridges and life-support machines. Otherwise you could end up wasting a lot of vegetables"
Little Girl: "Mommy I just found out that the little boy next door has a penis like a peanut"
Mommy: "you mean it’s small?
"Little Girl:" No it’s salty"
What woman can wash up with left hand, cook tea with right, sweep with one leg dust with other. Give u a blowjob, and open a beer with her ass?
A Swiss Army Wife!
A recent survey reveals that 70% of Mancunians have had sex in the shower. The other 30% have not been to prison yet!
I said to my wife .What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said. Turn sideways and look in the mirror… you fat bastard.
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