BIKE FOR SALE

THE BEST SEX SITE ON THE INTERNET

Just click on this link for the best sex site on the world wide web
http://drunkfriends.com/quickies/freesex.html

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN GROUPIES GET OLD?

DON'T LET YOUR CHILDREN PLAY ON THE SLIDE

TWO FACED GIRL

PENIS REQUEST FOR A RAISE

I, the penis , hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor, I work at great depth, I plunge head first into everything I do, I do not get weekends off or holidays off. I work in a damp environment, I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation, I work in high temperatures, and my work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,

P.Niss

The Response:

Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hour straight, you fall asleep after brief work periods, you do not always follow the orders of the management team, you do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations. You need to be pressured and stimulated to start working, you leave your work place messy at the end of your shift,you will retire way before 65, you can't do double shifts, and if that's not enough you have been spotted entering and exiting the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,

V.Gina

IF HE ONLY HAD A BRAIN

TRUE FRIENDSHIP

True Friendship

None of that Sissy Crap

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against The sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much Worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well Again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".
Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, But only you can feel the true warmth.

CARTOON

WHERE WE STAND IN THE UNIVERSE

Most people think that it's a big world we live in. Well these pictures may give you some idea of the size of our planet in the whole universe. The final picture of the sun is particularly amazing.

PROCRASTINATION.....

TAKE A TIP FROM THE FROG...

SHOULD TONY STAY OR SHOULD HE GO? CLICK AND FIND OUT.

101 COOKBOOKS

Imagine having 101 cookbooks at your fingrtips, complete with recipes, colour photographs and cooking tips. Well it's all here for you. Just click the link.

www.101cookbooks.com/index.html

TRY THIS JOKE ON YOUR FRIENDS

A pimp is sitting in a backstreet waiting for his THREE (make sure you emphasize the 'three') hoes to come back for the night. After a long wait, the first one finally arrives.

The pimp says "Hey you're late! Anyway - you owe me $100, so pay up..."
The hoe replies "Umm I'm pretty sure it was only $70..."
The pimp slaps the hoe and says "Don't correct me bitch!"

Just after this the second hoe comes around the corner.
The pimp says "Hey you took your time... now pay up... you owe me $150!"
The hoe replies "No, it was only $100 i owed you..."
The pimp slaps the hoe and says "Don't correct me bitch!"

The third hoe then suddenly comes around the corner...
The pimp says "Hey Hey.. get over here.. you owe me $300 so gimme the money..."
The hoe replies "What? I only owed you $220!"
The pimp again, slaps the hoe and says "Don't correct me bitch!"

Then the fourth hoe comes around the corner...
(At this point, someone you're telling the joke to should point out "But I thought you said there we're only three hoes..." - Slap them and say "Don't correct me bitch"

AMAZING INFORMATION

Sometimes you stumble upon things that make you see the world in a whole new way.

This is one of them.


www.glumbert.com/media/shift

PREDICTIONS FOR THE YEAR 2000

Predictions of the Year 2000
from The Ladies Home Journal of December 1900

The Ladies Home Journal from December 1900, which contained a fascinating article by John Elfreth Watkins, Jr. “What May Happen in the Next Hundred Years”.

Mr. Watkins wrote: “These prophecies will seem strange, almost impossible. Yet, they have come from the most learned and conservative minds in America. To the wisest and most careful men in our greatest institutions of science and learning I have gone, asking each in his turn to forecast for me what, in his opinion, will have been wrought in his own field of investigation before the dawn of 2001 - a century from now. These opinions I have carefully transcribed.”

During the Year 2000, we included Mr. Watkins research in our feature articles. We invite you to comment on these predictions, whether they have been realized in some way or how they can never be accomplished! In any event, we know you’ll enjoy these entries.

Prediction #1: There will probably be from 350,000,000 to 500,000,000 people in America and its possessions by the lapse of another century. Nicaragua will ask for admission to our Union after the completion of the great canal. Mexico will be next. Europe, seeking more territory to the south of us, will cause many of the South and Central American republics to be voted into the Union by their own people.”

Prediction #2: The American will be taller by from one to two inches. His increase of stature will result from better health, due to vast reforms in medicine, sanitation, food and athletics. He will live fifty years instead of thirty-five as at present – for he will reside in the suburbs. The city house will practically be no more. Building in blocks will be illegal. The trip from suburban home to office will require a few minutes only. A penny will pay the fare.

Prediction #3: Gymnastics will begin in the nursery, where toys and games will be designed to strengthen the muscles. Exercise will be compulsory in the schools. Every school, college and community will have a complete gymnasium. All cities will have public gymnasiums. A man or woman unable to walk ten miles at a stretch will be regarded as a weakling.

Prediction #4: There Will Be No Street Cars in Our Large Cities. All hurry traffic will be below or high above ground when brought within city limits. In most cities it will be confined to broad subways or tunnels, well lighted and well ventilated, or to high trestles with “moving-sidewalk” stairways leading to the top. These underground or overhead streets will teem with capacious automobile passenger coaches and freight with cushioned wheels. Subways or trestles will be reserved for express trains. Cities, therefore, will be free from all noises.

Prediction #5: Trains will run two miles a minute, normally; express trains one hundred and fifty miles an hour. To go from New York to San Francisco will take a day and a night by fast express. There will be cigar-shaped electric locomotives hauling long trains of cars. Cars will, like houses, be artificially cooled. Along the railroads there will be no smoke, no cinders, because coal will neither be carried nor burned. There will be no stops for water. Passengers will travel through hot or dusty country regions with windows down.

Prediction #6: Automobiles will be cheaper than horses are today. Farmers will own automobile hay-wagons, automobile truck-wagons, plows, harrows and hay-rakes. A one-pound motor in one of these vehicles will do the work of a pair of horses or more. Children will ride in automobile sleighs in winter. Automobiles will have been substituted for every horse vehicle now known. There will be, as already exist today, automobile hearses, automobile police patrols, automobile ambulances, automobile street sweepers. The horse in harness will be as scarce, if, indeed, not even scarcer, then as the yoked ox is today.

Prediction #7: There will be air-ships, but they will not successfully compete with surface cars and water vessels for passenger or freight traffic. They will be maintained as deadly war-vessels by all military nations. Some will transport men and goods. Others will be used by scientists making observations at great heights above the earth.

Prediction #8: Aerial War-Ships and Forts on Wheels. Giant guns will shoot twenty-five miles or more, and will hurl anywhere within such a radius shells exploding and destroying whole cities. Such guns will be armed by aid of compasses when used on land or sea, and telescopes when directed from great heights. Fleets of air-ships, hiding themselves with dense, smoky mists, thrown off by themselves as they move, will float over cities, fortifications, camps or fleets. They will surprise foes below by hurling upon them deadly thunderbolts. These aerial war-ships will necessitate bomb-proof forts, protected by great steel plates over their tops as well as at their sides. Huge forts on wheels will dash across open spaces at the speed of express trains of to-day. They will make what are now known as cavalry charges. Great automobile plows will dig deep entrenchments as fast as soldiers can occupy them. Rifles will use silent cartridges. Submarine boats submerged for days will be capable of wiping a whole navy off the face of the deep. Balloons and flying machines will carry telescopes of one-hundred-mile vision with camera attachments, photographing an enemy within that radius. These photographs as distinct and large as if taken from across the street, will be lowered to the commanding officer in charge of troops below.

Prediction #9: Photographs will be telegraphed from any distance. If there be a battle in China a hundred years hence snapshots of its most striking events will be published in the newspapers an hour later. Even to-day photographs are being telegraphed over short distances. Photographs will reproduce all of Nature’s colors.

Prediction #10: Man will See Around the World. Persons and things of all kinds will be brought within focus of cameras connected electrically with screens at opposite ends of circuits, thousands of miles at a span. American audiences in their theatres will view upon huge curtains before them the coronations of kings in Europe or the progress of battles in the Orient. The instrument bringing these distant scenes to the very doors of people will be connected with a giant telephone apparatus transmitting each incidental sound in its appropriate place. Thus the guns of a distant battle will be heard to boom when seen to blaze, and thus the lips of a remote actor or singer will be heard to utter words or music when seen to move.

Prediction #11: No Mosquitoes nor Flies. Insect screens will be unnecessary. Mosquitoes, house-flies and roaches will have been practically exterminated. Boards of health will have destroyed all mosquito haunts and breeding-grounds, drained all stagnant pools, filled in all swamp-lands, and chemically treated all still-water streams. The extermination of the horse and its stable will reduce the house-fly.

Prediction #12: Peas as Large as Beets. Peas and beans will be as large as beets are to-day. Sugar cane will produce twice as much sugar as the sugar beet now does. Cane will once more be the chief source of our sugar supply. The milkweed will have been developed into a rubber plant. Cheap native rubber will be harvested by machinery all over this country. Plants will be made proof against disease microbes just as readily as man is to-day against smallpox. The soil will be kept enriched by plants which take their nutrition from the air and give fertility to the earth.

Prediction #13: Strawberries as Large as Apples will be eaten by our great-great-grandchildren for their Christmas dinners a hundred years hence. Raspberries and blackberries will be as large. One will suffice for the fruit course of each person. Strawberries and cranberries will be grown upon tall bushes. Cranberries, gooseberries and currants will be as large as oranges. One cantaloupe will supply an entire family. Melons, cherries, grapes, plums, apples, pears, peaches and all berries will be seedless. Figs will be cultivated over the entire United States.

Prediction #14: Black, Blue and Green Roses. Roses will be as large as cabbage heads. Violets will grow to the size of orchids. A pansy will be as large in diameter as a sunflower. A century ago the pansy measured but half an inch across its face. There will be black, blue and green roses. It will be possible to grow any flower in any color and to transfer the perfume of a scented flower to another which is odorless. Then may the pansy be given the perfume of the violet.

Prediction #15: No Foods will be Exposed. Storekeepers who expose food to air breathed out by patrons or to the atmosphere of the busy streets will be arrested with those who sell stale or adulterated produce. Liquid-air refrigerators will keep great quantities of food fresh for long intervals.

Prediction #16: There will be No C, X or Q in our every-day alphabet. They will be abandoned because unnecessary. Spelling by sound will have been adopted, first by the newspapers. English will be a language of condensed words expressing condensed ideas, and will be more extensively spoken than any other. Russian will rank second.

Prediction #17: How Children will be Taught. A university education will be free to every man and woman. Several great national universities will have been established. Children will study a simple English grammar adapted to simplified English, and not copied after the Latin. Time will be saved by grouping like studies. Poor students will be given free board, free clothing and free books if ambitious and actually unable to meet their school and college expenses. Medical inspectors regularly visiting the public schools will furnish poor children free eyeglasses, free dentistry and free medical attention of every kind. The very poor will, when necessary, get free rides to and from school and free lunches between sessions. In vacation time poor children will be taken on trips to various parts of the world. Etiquette and housekeeping will be important studies in the public schools.

Prediction #18: Telephones Around the World. Wireless telephone and telegraph circuits will span the world. A husband in the middle of the Atlantic will be able to converse with his wife sitting in her boudoir in Chicago. We will be able to telephone to China quite as readily as we now talk from New York to Brooklyn. By an automatic signal they will connect with any circuit in their locality without the intervention of a “hello girl”.

Prediction #19: Grand Opera will be telephoned to private homes, and will sound as harmonious as though enjoyed from a theatre box. Automatic instruments reproducing original airs exactly will bring the best music to the families of the untalented. Great musicians gathered in one enclosure in New York will, by manipulating electric keys, produce at the same time music from instruments arranged in theatres or halls in San Francisco or New Orleans, for instance. Thus will great bands and orchestras give long-distance concerts. In great cities there will be public opera-houses whose singers and musicians are paid from funds endowed by philanthropists and by the government. The piano will be capable of changing its tone from cheerful to sad. Many devises will add to the emotional effect of music.

Prediction #20: Coal will not be used for heating or cooking. It will be scarce, but not entirely exhausted. The earth’s hard coal will last until the year 2050 or 2100; its soft-coal mines until 2200 or 2300. Meanwhile both kinds of coal will have become more and more expensive. Man will have found electricity manufactured by waterpower to be much cheaper. Every river or creek with any suitable fall will be equipped with water-motors, turning dynamos, making electricity. Along the seacoast will be numerous reservoirs continually filled by waves and tides washing in. Out of these the water will be constantly falling over revolving wheels. All of our restless waters, fresh and salt, will thus be harnessed to do the work which Niagara is doing today: making electricity for heat, light and fuel.

Prediction #21: Hot and Cold Air from Spigots. Hot or cold air will be turned on from spigots to regulate the temperature of a house as we now turn on hot or cold water from spigots to regulate the temperature of the bath. Central plants will supply this cool air and heat to city houses in the same way as now our gas or electricity is furnished. Rising early to build the furnace fire will be a task of the olden times. Homes will have no chimneys, because no smoke will be created within their walls.

Prediction #22: Store Purchases by Tube. Pneumatic tubes, instead of store wagons, will deliver packages and bundles. These tubes will collect, deliver and transport mail over certain distances, perhaps for hundreds of miles. They will at first connect with the private houses of the wealthy; then with all homes. Great business establishments will extend them to stations, similar to our branch post-offices of today, whence fast automobile vehicles will distribute purchases from house to house.

Prediction #23: Ready-cooked meals will be bought from establishments similar to our bakeries of today. They will purchase materials in tremendous wholesale quantities and sell the cooked foods at a price much lower than the cost of individual cooking. Food will be served hot or cold to private houses in pneumatic tubes or automobile wagons. The meal being over, the dishes used will be packed and returned to the cooking establishments where they will be washed. Such wholesale cookery will be done in electric laboratories rather than in kitchens. These laboratories will be equipped with electric stoves, and all sorts of electric devices, such as coffee-grinders, egg-beaters, stirrers, shakers, parers, meat-choppers, meat-saws, potato-mashers, lemon-squeezers, dish-washers, dish-dryers and the like. All such utensils will be washed in chemicals fatal to disease microbes. Having one’s own cook and purchasing one’s own food will be an extravagance.

Prediction #24: Vegetables Grown by Electricity. Winter will be turned into summer and night into day by the farmer. In cold weather he will place heat-conducting electric wires under the soil of his garden and thus warm his growing plants. He will also grow large gardens under glass. At night his vegetables will be bathed in powerful electric light, serving, like sunlight, to hasten their growth. Electric currents applied to the soil will make valuable plants grow larger and faster, and will kill troublesome weeds. Rays of colored light will hasten the growth of many plants. Electricity applied to garden seeds will make them sprout and develop unusually early.

Prediction #25: Oranges will grow in Philadelphia. Fast-flying refrigerators on land and sea will bring delicious fruits from the tropics and southern temperate zone within a few days. The farmers of South America, South Africa, Australia and the South Sea Islands, whose seasons are directly opposite to ours, will thus supply us in winter with fresh summer foods, which cannot be grown here. Scientist will have discovered how to raise here many fruits now confined to much hotter or colder climates. Delicious oranges will be grown in the suburbs of Philadelphia. Cantaloupes and other summer fruits will be of such a hardy nature that they can be stored through the winter as potatoes are now.

Prediction #26: Strawberries as large as apples will be eaten by our great great grandchildren for their Christmas dinners a hundred years hence. Raspberries and blackberries will be as large. One will suffice for the fruit course of each person. Strawberries and cranberries will be grown upon tall bushes. Cranberries, gooseberries and currants will be as large as oranges. One cantaloupe will supply an entire family. Melons, cherries, grapes, plums, apples, pears, peaches and all berries will be seedless. Figs will be cultivated over the entire United States.

Prediction #27: Few drugs will be swallowed or taken into the stomach unless needed for the direct treatment of that organ itself. Drugs needed by the lungs, for instance, will be applied directly to those organs through the skin and flesh. They will be carried with the electric current applied without pain to the outside skin of the body. Microscopes will lay bare the vital organs, through the living flesh, of men and animals. The living body will to all medical purposes be transparent. Not only will it be possible for a physician to actually see a living, throbbing heart inside the chest, but he will be able to magnify and photograph any part of it. This work will be done with rays of invisible light.

Prediction #28: There will be no wild animals except in menageries. Rats and mice will have been exterminated. The horse will have become practically extinct. A few of high breed will be kept by the rich for racing, hunting and exercise. The automobile will have driven out the horse. Cattle and sheep will have no horns. They will be unable to run faster than the fattened hog of today. A century ago the wild hog could outrun a horse. Food animals will be bred to expend practically all of their life energy in producing meat, milk, wool and other by-products. Horns, bones, muscles and lungs will have been neglected.

Prediction #29: To England in Two Days. Fast electric ships, crossing the ocean at more than a mile a minute, will go from New York to Liverpool in two days. The bodies of these ships will be built above the waves. They will be supported upon runners, somewhat like those of the sleigh. These runners will be very buoyant. Upon their under sides will be apertures expelling jets of air. In this way a film of air will be kept between them and the water’s surface. This film, together with the small surface of the runners, will reduce friction against the waves to the smallest possible degree. Propellers turned by electricity will screw themselves through both the water beneath and the air above. Ships with cabins artificially cooled will be entirely fireproof. In storm they will dive below the water and there await fair weather.

GETTING OLDER

HOW TRUE IT IS

Another year has passed
and we're all a little older.
Last summer felt hotter
and winter seems much colder.

I rack my brain for happy thoughts,
to put down on my pad,
But lots of things that come to mind
just make me kind of sad.

There was a time not long ago
when life was quite a blast.
Now I fully understand
about "Living in the Past".

We used to go to friends homes,
football games and lunches.
Now we go to therapy, to hospitals,
and after-funeral brunches.

We used to have hangovers,
from parties that were gay.
Now we suffer body aches
and sleep the night away.

We used to go out dining,
and couldn't get our fill.
Now we ask for doggie bags,
come home and take a pill.

We used to often travel
to places near and far.
Now we get backaches
from riding in the car.

We used to go out shopping
for new clothing at the Mall
But, now we never bother..
all the sizes are too small.

That, my friend is how life is,
and now my tale is told.
So, enjoy each day and live it up...
before you're too darn old!!

THE ZIMMERS - MY GENERATION

The oldest and greatest rock band in the world - meet The Zimmers and their amazing cover of The Who's 'My Generation.' Lead singer Alf is 90. And he's not the oldest - there are 99 and 100-year-olds in the band!

WOMEN CAN'T FACE THE TRUTH...

NEW LEAP FROG GAME

HILARY'S INDIAN NAME

Walking Eagle

True story, Senator Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of The American Indian nation two weeks ago in upper New York State ...She spoke for almost an hour on her future plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living, should she one day become the first female President.

She referred to her career as a New York Senator, how she had signed "YES" for every Indian issue that came to her desk for approval. Although the Senator was vague on the details of her plan, she seemed most enthusiastic about her future ideas for helping her "red sisters and brothers".

At the conclusion of her speech, the Tribes presented the Senator with a
plaque inscribed with her new Indian name - Walking Eagle. The proud Senator then departed in her motorcade, waving to the crowds. A news reporter later inquired of the group of chiefs of how they had come to select the new name given to the Senator. They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.

FOR LIP LOVERS

IS THIS REAL 2?

GET A GUITAR... GET A CHICK

INSPIRATIONAL WORDS AND PICTURES

BARRY WHITE AND SMEAGOL...BRILLIANT

THE GREATEST 11 YEAR OLD SINGER IN THE WORLD

Chanteuse Phénoménale de 11 ans!
Uploaded by astre

IS THIS REAL?

DUMB THINGS TO DO

JOB WANTED FOR FEMALE CARPET LAYER

Dear Sir,

I am applying for the position of apprentice carpet layer, although I have limited amount of experience, I feel that I would be a great asset to your company. My particular expertise is installing carpets into tight corners.

I have enclosed a photograph of me on the job?

Regards

Ann Teak

SAFETY FIRST

JOKES

A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the husband said, ”I bet you can't tell me something which will make me happy and sad at the same time".
The wife thought for a few moments, then she said, "Your dick's bigger than your brother's".

Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.
Husband: How does that help?
Wife: I use your toothbrush.

A drunk was staggering down the main street of town. Somehow, he managed to make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the building, where he crashed from pew to pew. He finally made his way to a side aisle and into a confessional. A priest had been observing the man's sorry progress. Figuring the fellow was in need of some assistance, he proceeded to enter his side of the confessional. His attention was rewarded only by a lengthy silence.
Finally he asked, "May I help you, my son?"
"I dunno." came the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got any toilet paper on your side?"

Man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"
The man anxiously says, "Yes."
"Take the poison," says the Rabbi

I'VE BEEN MISSING IN ACTION FOR A WHILE , BUT I THOUGHT I WOULD GIVE IT ANOTHER GO!!!

TODAYS QUICKIES

Every time the door bell goes, our dog runs straight into a corner..
Is it because...he's a boxer?

Why wouldn't they let Matthew Kelly manage the England squad?
Because, he wanted to put Seaman in the under 16's.

Man goes to fancy dress party; he wears nothing but a jam jar on his cock.
Lady asks "What are you?"
He says "I’m a Fireman....., you break the glass, pull the knob and I'll cum as fast as I can"

A woman goes into the dentist's, she takes off her knickers and sits in the dentist's chair with a leg on each arm.
You have made a mistake madam. The gynaecologist is on the next floor.
No mistake'' she replies, yesterday you fitted my husband with new dentures - today I want you to take them out

Jade Goody from Big Brother has apparently changed her name and adopted the Muslim faith to prove she isn’t racist.
She wants to be known as Yaffat Fukka

Irishman walks into pet shop
Irishman: "You have any goldfish?"
Man behind counter: "You want an aquarium?"
Irishman: "I don’t care what fucking star sign it is!"

A boy goes up to his mother and asks "Why have I got the biggest dick in my class??? Is it because I’m black???"
His mother replies "Fuck off!! It's because you’re the teacher dickhead!!”

They asked me to run a marathon, I said NO!
They said it's for blind kids and spastics,
I thought fuck it, I could win this.

I like to look on the good side of prison.
At least by the time you get out, you'll be able to smuggle twice the amount of drugs up your rectum.

My sister is covered in moles. We used to just call her "Moley." Then she went down to the church and got herself saved. Now we call her "Holy Moley." And she married a Mexican feller, now we call her "Guaca-Moley"

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches.

THE BEST FREE JUKEBOX IN THE WORLD

Simply click on the link below the jukebox and you will be taken to a real jukebox, where you click on any music you want and it plays in the background while you work.

http://www.tropicalglen.com/

Thanks to Bob (Englebert) Atkinson

WAYS TO LACE YOUR SPORTS SHOES

I had no idea there was more than one way to lace your shoes.

Here are just a few examples:

More

ANNA NICOLE'S COFFIN

They had to make a special coffin for Anna Nicole Smith, and we have the first picture of it.

:
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:
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Thanks to Mick Molloy

IF YOU ARE A TRUE AUSTRALIAN, READ THIS

Maybe we should turn to our history books and point out to people why today's Australian is not willing to accept the new kind of immigrant any longer. Back in 1900 when there was a rush from all areas of Europe to come to Australia, people had to get off a ship and stand in a long line in Sydney and be documented.
Some would even get down on their hands and knees and kiss the ground.

They made a pledge to uphold the laws and support their new country in good and bad times.

They made learning English a primary rule in their new Australian households and some even changed their names to blend in with their new home. They had waved goodbye to their birth place to give their children a new life and did everything in their power to help their children assimilate into one culture. Nothing was handed to them. No free
lunches, no welfare, no labour laws to protect them. All they had were the skills, craftsmanship and desire they had brought with them to trade for a future of prosperity.

Most of their children came of age when World War II broke out.
Australians fought along side men whose parents had come straight over from Germany, Italy, France, Japan, Czechoslovakia, Russia, Sweden, and so many other places. None of these first generation Australians ever gave any thought about what country their parents had come from. They were Australians fighting Hitler, Mussolini and the Emperor of Japan.

They were defending the Freedom as one people. When we liberated France, no one in those villages was looking for the people of France, they saw only Australians. And we carried one flag that represented our country. Not one of those immigrant sons would have thought about picking up another country's flag and waving it to represent who they were.
It would have been a disgrace to their parents who had sacrificed so much to be here. These immigrants truly knew what it meant to be Australian.

And here we are in 2007 with a new kind of immigrant who wants the same rights and privileges. Only they want to achieve it by playing with a different set of rules, one that includes an Australian passport and a guarantee of being faithful to their mother country.
I'm sorry, that's not what being Australian is all about.

Australians have been very open hearted and open minded regarding immigrants, whether they were fleeing poverty, dictatorship, persecution, or whatever else makes a person adopt a foreign country. And I suppose, when we say adopt, we think of those aforementioned immigrants who truly did ADOPT our country, and our flag and our morals and our customs. and left their wars, hatred, and divisions behind.

I believe that the immigrants who landed in Australia in the early 1900s deserve better than that for the toil, hard work and sacrifice in raising future generations to create a land that has become a beacon for those legally searching for a better life.

I think they would be appalled that they are being used as an example by those waving foreign country flags, fighting foreign battles on our soil, making Australians change to suit their religions and cultures, and wanting to change our country's fabric by claiming discrimination when we do not give in to their demands.

P.S. KEEP THIS LETTER MOVING!! I hope it gets read by millions of people all across this great brown land!

GRANDAD JOKES

Grandpa is sitting on the porch enjoying a beer when his grandson joins him
Grandpa, can I have a drink of your beer the young boy asks. Grandpa replies, "Can your dick touch your arse son?".
"No Grandpa", replies the boy.
That's because your not a man yet son says Grandpa, "When your dick touches your arse you'll be a man, come back then and I'll give you a drink of my beer".
"OK Grandpa", says the boy dejectedly.
The next day Grandpa is sitting on the porch enjoying a pipe full of baccy when the grandson appears again.
"Grandpa, can i have a puff of your pipe", asks the boy.
"Can your dick touch your arse son?", asks Grandpa
"No grandpa", replies the boy
When your dick touches your arse you'll be a man, come back then and I'll give you a puff of my pipe replies Grandpa.
"OK grandpa", replies the boy
The next day the grandson appears on the porch with a tray of freshly cooked cakes.
"Have you got a cake there for Grandpa", asks the old man
"Can your dick touch your arse Grandpa?", asks the young boy
"Why, it sure can son" replies the grandfather
"Well go fuck yourself, Grandma made these for me", replies the boy

I went to visit my 90 year old granddaddy in a very secluded, rural area of the south. After spending a great evening chatting the night away, my grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, I noticed a film like substance on my plate, and questioned my granddaddy asking, "Are these plates clean?"
My grandfather replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sissy!"
For lunch, the old man made hamburgers. Again, I was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?"
Without looking up, granddad said, "I told you before, Sissy, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!"
Later that afternoon, I was on my way to a nearby town and as I was leaving, my grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let me pass. I yelled and said, "Granddaddy, your dog won't let me get to my car!"
Without diverting his attention from the basketball game he was watching on TV, granddaddy shouted --"COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!!!!"

This is a short story written by a grandson who had a very special relationship with his Grandpa. Many of us unfortunately were born after our own Grandpas had passed on and never had the opportunity to enjoy moments like this.. The grandson writes...
I hope this will again confirm that the most important information in your life won't come from a teacher, the library or the Internet. It comes from a mentor, and always on a very personal level.
My long-passed grandfather's birthday is coming up and for me it is a time to reminisce. We used to take long walks and drives together. He would make special trips to pick me up so I could spend weekends with him.
I was young when he died. If he were living today and sharing his pearls of wisdom, I'd be a better man.
Those gems were all well and good, but the one I remember best came from him when I was only 12.
We were sitting in a park, watching children with their mothers enjoying a beautiful spring day. He told me that one day, I'd find a woman and start my own family. Then, came the jewel in the crown of grandfatherly advice when he said, "And be sure you marry a woman with small hands."
"Why should I do that, Grandpa?" I asked.
"It makes your dick look bigger."

It kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

A grandfather went to visit his college-age grandson at the dorm. Grandpa was astonished to find that his son was living a life of sin and corruption, as shown by the very high-heeled shoe nailed over the doorway.
"In my day," grumbled Gramps, "we would hang a horseshoe over the door for luck and then study late into the night hoping to pass our classes."
"But grandpa," replied the grandson, "that IS a whore's shoe."