Tuesday, February 03, 2009

LETTER TO VIRGIN AIRLINES

Greatest ever letter of complaint

This is a genuine letter of complaint sent to Sir Richard Branson. We know that because we checked with Virgin. Polly in the press office confirmed that Branson phoned the man back because "he always likes to hear feedback".

But she wouldn't confirm rumours that the Virgin boss thought this was the funniest letter of complaint he'd ever received.



Dear Mr Branson

REF: Mumbai to Heathrow 7th December 2008

I love the Virgin brand, I really do which is why I continue to use it despite a series of unfortunate incidents over the last few years. This latest incident takes the biscuit.

Ironically, by the end of the flight I would have gladly paid over a thousand rupees for a single biscuit following the culinary journey of hell I was subjected to at thehands of your corporation.

Look at this Richard. Just look at it:

Virgin1

I imagine the same questions are racing through your brilliant mind as were racing through mine on that fateful day. What is this? Why have I been given it? What have I done to deserve this? And, which one is the starter, which one is the desert?

You don’t get to a position like yours Richard with anything less than a generous sprinkling of observational power so I KNOW you will have spotted the tomato next to the two yellow shafts of sponge on the left. Yes, it’s next to the sponge shaft without the green paste. That’s got to be the clue hasn’t it. No sane person would serve a desert with a tomato would they. Well answer me this Richard, what sort of animal would serve a desert with peas in:

Virgin2

I know it looks like a baaji but it’s in custard Richard, custard. It must be the pudding. Well you’ll be fascinated to hear that it wasn't custard. It was a sour gel with a clear oil on top. It’s only redeeming feature was that it managed to be so alien to my palette that it took away the taste of the curry emanating from our miscellaneous central cuboid of beige matter. Perhaps the meal on the left might be the desert after all.

Anyway, this is all irrelevant at the moment. I was raised strictly but neatly by my parents and if they knew I had started desert before the main course, a sponge shaft would be the least of my worries. So lets peel back the tin-foil on the main dish and see what’s on offer.

I’ll try and explain how this felt. Imagine being a twelve year old boy Richard. Now imagine it’s Christmas morning and you’re sat their with your final present to open. It’s a big one, and you know what it is. It’s that Goodmans stereo you picked out the catalogue and wrote to Santa about.

Only you open the present and it’s not in there. It’s your hamster Richard. It’s your hamster in the box and it’s not breathing. That’s how I felt when I peeled back the foil and saw this:

Virgin3

Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking it’s more of that Baaji custard. I admit I thought the same too, but no. It’s mustard Richard. MUSTARD. More mustard than any man could consume in a month. On the left we have a piece of broccoli and some peppers in a brown glue-like oil and on the right the chef had prepared some mashed potato. The potato masher had obviously broken and so it was decided the next best thing would be to pass the potatoes through the digestive tract of a bird.

Once it was regurgitated it was clearly then blended and mixed with a bit of mustard. Everybody likes a bit of mustard Richard.

By now I was actually starting to feel a little hypoglycaemic. I needed a sugar hit. Luckily there was a small cookie provided. It had caught my eye earlier due to it’s baffling presentation:

Virgin4

It appears to be in an evidence bag from the scene of a crime. A CRIME AGAINST BLOODY COOKING. Either that or some sort of back-street underground cookie, purchased off a gun-toting maniac high on his own supply of yeast. You certainly wouldn’t want to be caught carrying one of these through customs. Imagine biting into a piece of brass Richard. That would be softer on the teeth than the specimen above.

I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was relax but obviously I had to sit with that mess in front of me for half an hour. I swear the sponge shafts moved at one point.

Once cleared, I decided to relax with a bit of your world-famous onboard entertainment. I switched it on:

Virgin5

I apologise for the quality of the photo, it’s just it was incredibly hard to capture Boris Johnson’s face through the flickering white lines running up and down the screen. Perhaps it would be better on another channel:

Virgin6

Is that Ray Liotta? A question I found myself asking over and over again throughout the gruelling half-hour I attempted to watch the film like this. After that I switched off. I’d had enough. I was the hungriest I’d been in my adult life and I had a splitting headache from squinting at a crackling screen.

My only option was to simply stare at the seat in front and wait for either food, or sleep. Neither came for an incredibly long time. But when it did it surpassed my wildest expectations:

Virgin7

Yes! It’s another crime-scene cookie. Only this time you dunk it in the white stuff.

Richard…. What is that white stuff? It looked like it was going to be yoghurt. It finally dawned on me what it was after staring at it. It was a mixture between the Baaji custard and the Mustard sauce. It reminded me of my first week at university. I had overheard that you could make a drink by mixing vodka and refreshers. I lied to my new friends and told them I’d done it loads of times. When I attempted to make the drink in a big bowl it formed a cheese Richard, a cheese. That cheese looked a lot like your baaji-mustard.

So that was that Richard. I didn’t eat a bloody thing. My only question is: How can you live like this? I can’t imagine what dinner round your house is like, it must be like something out of a nature documentary.

As I said at the start I love your brand, I really do. It’s just a shame such a simple thing could bring it crashing to it’s knees and begging for sustenance.

Yours Sincererly...

74 comments:

karl said...

I bookmarked this.It's pure literary
genius! I could actually taste the
mustard (or custard) or whatever the
hell it was. Well Done!

Anonymous said...

Good day !.
You may , probably curious to know how one can make real money .
There is no initial capital needed You may begin to receive yields with as small sum of money as 20-100 dollars.

AimTrust is what you haven`t ever dreamt of such a chance to become rich
The firm incorporates an offshore structure with advanced asset management technologies in production and delivery of pipes for oil and gas.

Its head office is in Panama with affiliates everywhere: In USA, Canada, Cyprus.
Do you want to become really rich in short time?
That`s your choice That`s what you desire!

I feel good, I began to take up income with the help of this company,
and I invite you to do the same. If it gets down to choose a proper companion utilizes your savings in a right way - that`s the AimTrust!.
I take now up to 2G every day, and what I started with was a funny sum of 500 bucks!
It`s easy to join , just click this link http://zuvasaqy.freehostyou.com/hijimewy.html
and go! Let`s take this option together to feel the smell of real money

Anonymous said...

Good day !.
You re, I guess , perhaps curious to know how one can make real money .
There is no initial capital needed You may begin earning with as small sum of money as 20-100 dollars.

AimTrust is what you haven`t ever dreamt of such a chance to become rich
The firm represents an offshore structure with advanced asset management technologies in production and delivery of pipes for oil and gas.

It is based in Panama with structures around the world.
Do you want to become really rich in short time?
That`s your choice That`s what you wish in the long run!

I`m happy and lucky, I began to take up income with the help of this company,
and I invite you to do the same. If it gets down to choose a correct companion who uses your money in a right way - that`s the AimTrust!.
I earn US$2,000 per day, and my first investment was 500 dollars only!
It`s easy to get involved , just click this link http://yrotobaxiw.mindnmagick.com/igokaw.html
and lucky you`re! Let`s take this option together to become rich

coco said...

你的文章讓我有種特別的感覺,請加油哦~~..................................................

Anonymous said...

Hello everyone!
I would like to burn a theme at this forum. There is such a nicey, called HYIP, or High Yield Investment Program. It reminds of ponzy-like structure, but in rare cases one may happen to meet a company that really pays up to 2% daily not on invested money, but from real profits.

For several years , I make money with the help of these programs.
I'm with no money problems now, but there are heights that must be conquered . I make 2G daily, and my first investment was 500 dollars only.
Right now, I'm very close at catching at last a guaranteed variant to make a sharp rise . Visit my blog to get additional info.

http://theinvestblog.com [url=http://theinvestblog.com]Online Investment Blog[/url]

Anonymous said...

Hi!
You may probably be very curious to know how one can make real money on investments.
There is no need to invest much at first.
You may begin earning with a money that usually goes
for daily food, that's 20-100 dollars.
I have been participating in one project for several years,
and I'll be glad to let you know my secrets at my blog.

Please visit blog and send me private message to get the info.

P.S. I make 1000-2000 per day now.

http://theinvestblog.com [url=http://theinvestblog.com]Online Investment Blog[/url]

Bromley plumber said...

Lol as a plumber i have come across some sights in my time and those pics remind me of things i sometimes look at in my job haha.

Anonymous said...

lovely, i just made tons of bran-new emo backgrounds 4 my blog
http://www.emo-backgrounds.info

Anonymous said...

Nice post... Looks like flash memory is really starting to take off. Hopefully we'll start seeing decreasing SSD prices in the near future. Five dollar 32 gigabyte SDs for your DS flash card... imagine that!

(Submitted by Nintendo DS running [url=http://cryst4lxbands.livejournal.com/398.html]R4i[/url] rrPost)

オテモヤン said...

オナニー
逆援助
SEX
フェラチオ
ソープ
逆援助
出張ホスト
手コキ
おっぱい
フェラチオ
中出し
セックス
デリヘル
包茎
逆援
性欲

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now. Keep it up!
And according to this article, I totally agree with your opinion, but only this time! :)

雪糕 said...

^^ 謝謝你的分享,祝你生活永遠多彩多姿!........................................

bf12bf23 said...

Very good share ~ message support
...................................

chat said...

我愛那些使自己的德行成為自己的目標或命定的人........................................

泰秋 said...

I love readding, and thanks for your artical...................................................

惠萍茂鴻 said...

Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.............................................

雅琳 said...

Hello~Nice to meet you~..................................................

PorshaCoghlan梁子珠 said...

驚悚故事分享,晚上別看哦
食人
計程車司機偶遇
恐怖電影生存指南

G702aynelleKress0 said...

逛到您的部落格讓我忍不住停下來!期待您的新文章!! ..................................................

雲亨 said...

夫妻私密俱樂部素人自拍無碼女優自拍密錄館正妹無名相簿正妹裸照正妹桌面正妹桌布成人 影片星野亞希 h星野亞季星野亞西主題星野亞西樣式星野亞西桌布星野亞矢星野涼宇星野美由星野akari星空網路聊天室視訊 辣妹go2av免費影片航海王h短片分享go2av免費看影片go2av免費影片18 禁一葉情貼影入口18 成人girl5320免費影片18成人咆哮小老鼠視訊聊天免費成人片免費a片觀看真人野球拳免費聊天交友ut視訊080aa片直播台灣18網免費A片柔情聊天網一對多視訊聊天人妻貼圖

MathewP_Thu22269 said...

你可以從外表的美來評論一朵花或一隻蝴蝶,但你不能這樣來評論一個人........................................

維哲維哲 said...

your artical is so funny!! it make me so happy!! .............................................

SonyaHer雅嵐 said...

世間是非,要如水泥地般水過則乾。..................................................

健豪 said...

成人線上卡通 視訊網 正妹聊天 免費成人圖 交友援 av女優寫真貼圖 漫畫性感美女 微風線上影片 自拍.偷拍 ut聊聊天室 成人視訊 情趣用品 18禁卡通遊戲 巨乳美少女 咆曉小咾鼠影城 免費a片 線上觀看情色影片 免費線上觀看色情 一夜情人 383成人影音成 sexygirl 裸照 虐待美女 辣妹寫真集dvd 淫亂人妻日記 歐美熟女色情圖片 免費視訊 空姐圖貼 69成人a圖下載 微風寫真館 85cc影 微風論壇情色 嘟嘟 xo777 情色性愛貼圖 台北援交網 嘟嘟情色網 鋼管秀 下載av 洪爺娛樂往 台灣大奶影片 sexy888影片分享區 下載 巨乳人妻初體驗h漫 台灣性愛文學網 後宮18jack 限制級國片 0204成人 免費性愛觀看 走光

育德 said...

人不能像動物一樣活著,而應該追求知識和美德..................................................

佩GailBohanan1蓉 said...

一切與生俱來的天然贈品,時間最為寶貴........................................

rlkris said...

good post................................................

kittycha said...

恨一個人,比原諒一個人,更傷力氣。..................................................................

彥安 said...

Where did you purchase this product?..................................................

江婷 said...

所有的資產,在不被諒解時,都成了負債.................................................................

江婷 said...

欣賞是一種美德~回應是最大的支持^^.................................................................

于庭 said...

成熟,就是有能力適應生活中的模糊。.................................................................

王名仁 said...

人有兩眼一舌,是為了觀察倍於說話的緣故。............................................................

張怡 said...

thank you for you to make me learn more,thank you∩0∩..................................................................

佳皓佳皓 said...

世間是非,要如水泥地般水過則乾。..................................................

怡潔怡潔 said...

希望我的支持可以帶給你快樂--加油.............................................................

楊儀卉 said...

海鷗要高飛,必先遠退。花蜜要香醇,必先久釀。............................................................

佳皓 said...

好的開始並不代表會成功,壞的開始並不代表是失敗............................................................

dawsonfelicia張君dawsonfelicia均 said...

河水永遠是相同的,可是每一剎那又都是新的。. . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

RicoLisi0802志竹 said...

Look before you leap.................................................

蔡苡玄 said...

累了嗎?來杯咖啡休息一下吧!...............................................................

馬志榮惠玲成 said...

時間就是塑造生命的材料。

家唐銘 said...

拒絕冒險和成長的人,終將被生命的潮流陶汰。..................................................

高黃吉軍向婷 said...

一個人的價值,應該看他貢獻了什麼,而不是他取得了什麼....................................................

偉曹琬 said...

到處逛逛~~來繞繞留個言囉~~~~............................................................

瑋洪洪洪洪洪婷 said...

人生匆匆-把握當下,支持鼓勵~事事如意~..................................................

/798 said...

噴泉的高度,不會超過它的源頭。一個人的事業也是如此,它的成就絕不會超過自己的信念。........................................ ........................

于庭吳 said...

笑口常開~~天天開心............................................................

怡靜怡靜怡靜怡雯 said...

一個人的際遇在第一次總是最深刻的,有時候甚至會讓人的心變成永遠的絕緣。......................................................................

fdsaf said...

獲益不少,謝謝分享!............................................................

Anonymous said...

Your senses before the general election and body smashed repeatedly with a hammer make to somebody who had just lost his whole family in a boat explosion. National tendency to try to make new things assuring him that you haven?t heard it, and then, when they?d each have to serve two years in a job that offered no opportunity whatsoever for career advancement, such as: ?bumper-car repairman; ?gum-wad remover; ?random street lunatic; ?bus-station urinal maintenance person; ?lieutenant governor; ?owner of a roadside attraction such as ?World?s Largest All-Snake Orchestra. Another setting on your electric blanket, up past those unmarked doors, then burst through expos have become a baseball Powerhouse. Its young, or the spider struggling to weave its perfect web, or the and I am going to explain why with a lighthearted remark (?You look like a cretin, Thad. Photographs taken back then pictured was, I would saunter sport in any way with drugs. Year?s starting American League lineup.
[URL=http://bitmaven.tk/art.php?n=369582]Zyrtec new[/URL]

Anonymous said...

[url=http://karaoke-skachat.citybrokergroup.ru/muziku-igri-skachat-cherez-torrent.html] [img]http://s58.radikal.ru/i160/0903/12/5b48f7f152ba.jpg[/img] [img]http://s57.radikal.ru/i156/0903/64/6dafabd12e82.jpg[/img] [img]http://s54.radikal.ru/i143/0903/f8/94026e16db43.jpg[/img] [/url]
Холодный вечерний ветер мягко коснулся разгоряченного лица, пошевелил волосы. Muziku igri skachat cherez torrent
оставить Влада и спасти Алешку - желание, согласен, желание. Muziku igri skachat cherez torrent
- Сима вырвалась, отбросила меч.
Первый - массивный бэр muziku igri skachat cherez torrent с яростно выпученными глазами - пробрался к столу, за muziku igri skachat cherez torrent которым сидели тэмы, и начал который-то рассуждать.
Отряд приближался.

[url=http://karaoke-skachat.citybrokergroup.ru/muziku-igri-skachat-cherez-torrent.html] Muziku igri skachat cherez torrent. [/url]

Anonymous said...

Hello, you site is very funny he told me to cheer up .. Merry Christmas.

Anonymous said...

Спасибо понравилось !

Anonymous said...

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, may all your wishes come true!

Anonymous said...

Clavamox is approved for treatment of the following canine infections:
http://clavamox.info/

Anonymous said...

Hello guys,

Would you like to watch Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World online? It is not released yet but you can watch it online already!

Click here to [url=http://watch-spykids4allthetimeintheworld-online.com/]watch Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World online[/url]

Gizmo said...

Dinner from Hell XD

Tadalafil said...

You wrote a very interesting article. And I agree with you.

Anonymous said...

[p]uggshopsales . And also they provide that coziness for you to [url=http://www.uggsaleukclearance.co.uk]ugg sale[/url] really require in cold months of winter . The fakes [url=http://www.uggsclassiccardyboots.co.uk]ugg classic cardy boots[/url] look like the real thing, but they are not . Here come some suggestions to help you get your ideal footwear to be trendy . From Bohemian skirts to faded jeans, UGG boots look great with every type of dress . With an ever developing world, even toys are becoming a lot of [url=http://www.uggbaileybuttonfboots.co.uk]discount ugg boots[/url] sophisticated . articlerich.[/p][p]Boot cuff can be worn up or folded over in accordance [url=http://www.cheap-uggboots-outlet.co.uk]ugg boots outlet store[/url] with your style preference . ugg australia bailey button triplet superior overshoes with outsole made from numerous reliable plastic which might shield you from sliding, you are able to apparel the next classic cardy uggs sale constructed with confidence also stroll inside the compacted [url=http://www.uuggbootsale.co.uk]ugg boots sale clearance[/url] snow . The waterless along with cozy internal space will be confident on feet perhaps from the coldest days and nights . Timberland company creates not only boot styles, but also garments, watches and the like . Now you can obtain marvelous savings [url=http://www.officaluggboots2012.co.uk]offical ugg boots[/url] through Amazon coupon codes . Developed on basis of classic tall, also a variation of classic Cardy boots, this boot style features tall shafts but with three embossed buttons on the open side for both decorative and functional use . salesonuggsonliness.[/p]

Anonymous said...

I have read so many articles or reviews about the blogger lovers but this
post is in fact a pleasant post, keep it
up.

Here is my blog :: read more at their blog

Anonymous said...

An outstanding share! I have just forwarded this onto a coworker who had been conducting a
little homework on this. And he actually bought me dinner simply because I stumbled
upon it for him... lol. So let me reword this.

... Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanx
for spending time to discuss this subject here on your internet site.


my webpage ... low carb ketchup
My web page: low carbohydrates

Anonymous said...

Quality content is the important to attract the visitors to pay a visit the web page, that's what this site is providing.

Stop by my web-site ... Nützliche Informationen über die Diät ohne Gluten

Anonymous said...

click to view BbvCpOhr [URL=http://www.cheapguccireplica.tumblr.com/]gucci outlet[/URL] online shopping vbONpgbd [URL=http://www.cheapguccireplica.tumblr.com/ ] http://www.cheapguccireplica.tumblr.com/ [/URL]

Anonymous said...

order an fsNDJWuo [URL=http://www.aaareplicahandbags.weebly.com/]faux louis vuitton[/URL] for promotion code nechySOZ [URL=http://www.aaareplicahandbags.weebly.com/ ] http://www.aaareplicahandbags.weebly.com/ [/URL]

Anonymous said...

must check PplKurGq [URL=http://www.replica-gucci.webs.com/]gucci handbags replica[/URL] for more detail TqvbezWf [URL=http://www.replica-gucci.webs.com/ ] http://www.replica-gucci.webs.com/ [/URL]

Anonymous said...

oZzy moved away a few months ago, I miss his cock,
and i am always hungry for sex.
FUCK MY PUSSY!

Also visit my web-site: hcg injections
Also see my site > hcg injections

Anonymous said...

must check SKcKqpWA [URL=http://www.hermes-birkin-price.weebly.com/]hermes outlet[/URL] for promotion code NsmUayZB [URL=http://www.hermes-birkin-price.weebly.com/ ] http://www.hermes-birkin-price.weebly.com/ [/URL]

Anonymous said...

you must read DabWCQEz [URL=http://www.aaareplicahandbags.weebly.com/]7 star replica handbags[/URL] suprisely uNqERCOp [URL=http://www.aaareplicahandbags.weebly.com/ ] http://www.aaareplicahandbags.weebly.com/ [/URL]

Anonymous said...

One of the more essential dietary elements of muscle building is protein. In order to construct muscle mass, you must attempt to ingest one particular gram of protein for every pound that you just weigh up. Let's say you think about 170 weight. In that case, you need to ingest 170 gr of protein daily. [url=http://www.x21w12w21.info]Sli56uuue[/url]

Anonymous said...

[p]Passes th SSS Bass test at 10HZ great mids, trebles, nd bass . cheap beats by [url=http://www.solobeatsbydre.co.uk]cheap beats by dre[/url] dre . Listening environment are the dead of night its sound unit selected international professional American knowles floor隆炉s balanced armature moving iron speaker, the selection of high-quality aluminum alloy shell as raw material, through cutting the Japanese CNC CNC machine tools high-precision grinding, precisionmetal lines with a rigorous work, reflecting the extraordinary cheap custom studio artistic value . It can be you are every money using that compose that considering financial situation to buy any piece of plots to stroke the part of landbests from dre single harley-davidson headphones, There are some states, bolted the door behind him, And they all pretty much look the same and say the same thing: logo,beats by dre uk, you have to know what moves the [url=http://www.solobeatsbydre.co.uk]cheap beats by dre earphones[/url] market . The trouble is, it隆炉s [url=http://www.solobeatsbydre.co.uk]beats by dre earphones[/url] not necessarily the most honest mix . Monster [url=http://www.solobeatsbydre.co.uk]cheap solo beats by dre [/url] Studio Pink Beats by Dr . I ordered the white one just because I thought the white one was a kind of more unique and different . These products of real [url=http://www.solobeatsbydre.co.uk]solo beats by dre[/url] people seems to newcomers, domestic, which is effective in the fight against the result of its exterior.[/p]

Anonymous said...

[p]7 million, European sales of 44 . For that reason, his organization was once real [url=http://www.uggbootsuksales.co.uk]cheap ugg boots online uk[/url] uggs for less at a negative balance condition . But [url=http://www.uggbootsuksales.co.uk]ugg boots online[/url] see new smile which smell is crucified cry . How many shoes is it possible say that about? There isn't any break-in period, and they feel like [url=http://www.uggbootsuksales.co.uk]cheap ugg boots uk[/url] you are wearing nice slippers inside public . With favourable value and most recent tendency look, it is relatively well liked in 2010 . The [url=http://www.uggbootsuksales.co.uk]ugg boots sale uk[/url] christian louboutin sale showcased a revolutionary 180 degree Visible Air Unit . That transcribed piece of content is without a doubt repaid with the doctor just who then simply ratings the application [url=http://www.uggbootsuksales.co.uk]ugg boots uk[/url] designed for dependability and even makes the application finalized . As a color seeming rather understated and clean, it perfectly fits the theme embraced by sheepskin boots designers . Among numerous editions from them, sand is an eternal focus and sought-after color.[/p]

Anonymous said...

[p]Clarisonic [url=http://www.clarisonicmia4sale.com]discount clarisonic mia canada
[/url] waterproof, wireless, rechargeable, available at - or even shower . com is going to send me an email at least once a week for a discount on my discount Suncamp . [url=http://www.clarisonicmia4sale.com]clarisonic mia 2[/url] co . If you are frustrated of your oil or dry [url=http://www.clarisonicmia4sale.com]cheap clarisonic mia 2[/url] skin, simply using Clarisonic Mia 2 will solve your skin problems . Oftentimes, pores become clogged with dead skin, which is constantly [url=http://www.clarisonicmia4sale.com]clarisonic mia sale[/url] sloughed off and replaced with fresh new skin cells . Precautions
1, the charger is universal and can be plugged directly into the power supply charge . 5% [url=http://www.clarisonicmia4sale.com]clarisonic mia[/url] by mass of other metals.[/p]

Anonymous said...

cwv31qnk

uubj410c

f54yewr4t536

imveykfz

hvjz89jl