10 ways to tell if your Amish kid is headed for trouble

• Sometimes stays in bed until after 5 am.
• In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.
• Shows up at barn raisings in full “Kiss” makeup.
• When you criticize him, he yells, “Thou sucketh!”
• His name is Jebediah, but he goes by “Jeb Daddy.”
• Defiantly says, “If I had a radio, I’d listen to rap.”
• You come upon his secret stash of colored socks.
• Uses slang expression: “Talk to the hand, ’cause the beard ain’t listening.”
• Was recently pulled over for “driving under the influence of cottage cheese.”
• He’s wearing his big black hat backwards.