Wednesday, April 02, 2008


'I like to watch the telly', said Lord Wakeham

THEM foreigners who come over here, taking our jobs and sticking their knobs in our lovely young poppets is ruining Britain, according to a major report by a committee of old men.

The old men said all this immigration was terrible and that you couldn't get a seat on the bus because it's full of Bulgarian fruit pickers.

Committee member Lord Wakeham said: "I remember when you could go to the pictures and see a nice film starring Kenneth More and that lovely Jean Simmonds. There was a proper lady. Now it's all 'bang, bang, bang'. And the music? Cor, what a racket."

Lord Lamont said: "I had one of them Polish fellas round my house. I says, 'Oi, Ivan can't you speak no English, eh? Can't even say please or thank you?'

"It's a disgrace is what it is. Lucky for him he did such a magnificent job on my downstairs loo or he'd have got my old boot up his thievin' backside."

Lord McGregor added: "I told my grandson he should get himself a job pickin' fruit. 'Put some money in your pocket', I says, 'take that nice young girl of yours to the seaside for the day'.

"He says to me, 'Grandad, I'd rather go on the dole than pick stinkin' old fruit'. I says to him, 'if you don't, it'll be all them Bulgars pickin' that fruit and takin' your girl to the seaside and doin' dirty Bulgarian things to her up the back of the Co-op'."

Home Office minister Liam Byrne said: "Whenever I want intelligent, rational advice on the issue of immigration the first thing I do is talk to some angry old men."

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