Saturday, January 19, 2008

ONE LINERS




There is a new pussy wash for women, it's made of marijuana, antiperspirant and Kentucky Fried Chicken - it leaves your fanny high, dry and finger lickin good.


I see England are to change the badge on their shirts!! Instead of 3 lions it is to have 3 tampons!! apparently its the worst period in their history!!!


Two asian heroin addicts have injected themselves with curry pwder by mistake.
Both are in intensive care. one has a dodgy tikka, the other is in a korma


Steve McClaren is going to the England Christmas party dressed as a pumpkin, he's hoping someone can turn him into a fucking coach!


Woman goes into a DIY store and buys a wall mirror. The assistant asks do you want to screw for that? The woman says no, but I will suck your cock for a lawnmower!


I phoned the Islamic Samaritans today.
When I said I was feeling suicidal they got all excited and asked if I knew how to fly a plane.


A Genie gave me a wish.
I could either have a perfect memory or a huge penis.
I can't seem to remember my decision.


News just in. the NHS are now paying 60 pounds for sperm donations... which means the old towel under my bed is worth a few grand.


What do you call two gay pakis?

Ramit and Jamit


At the age of six I was left an orphan.
What kind of idiot gives an orphan to a six-year-old?


A lorry has just overturned on the M6 loaded with Vicks Vapour rub.
Police have said there will be no congestion for eight hours.


Do you think Velcro..is a rip off.


A woman goes to the doctors complaining that every time she takes her bra off a black mans head pops out from between her breasts, sticks its tongue out and pulls stupid faces.
"I know what the problem is" says the doctor, "you've got sillycoon implants."


What goes in and out and stinks of piss?
Your granny doing the hokey cokey.


A little boy asks, "Dad, what'll happen when my tortoise Toby dies?"
"Don't worry son, when Toby dies, we'll have a big party out the back and we'll have all the kids in the street round for burgers and ice cream and games"
"Can we kill him now, dad?"


What is the collective term for 4 Cows and a Blackbird?

The Spice Girls

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