Thursday, June 14, 2007


I had a car crash the other day I went right up someone's arse.
The driver got out and happened to be a dwarf
He said to me "I'm not happy"
I said "Why which one are you?"

I work for the Samaritans, I tried to call in sick this morning but the fuckers talked me out of it...

I was offered a job yesterday 500 pound a week working for the leprosy society so I snatched his hand off.

An Irish family have been found frozen to death outside the Dublin Odeon. They have been queuing for 3 weeks to see "Closed for the Winter"

63 Pakistanis died in Bradford this morning.
It was not a terrorist attack, a bunk-bed collapsed.
They are blaming it on Al-Ikea.

What do you call a paki with pink hair? Ghandi floss

2 dicks walk into a bank shouting hands up this is a dick up!
The next minute a vibrator walks in and one of the dicks says “oh fuck its Robocock!”

A pregnant Dublin girl phones her mum
”Ma I tink me water's just broke “
Mum-“Jaysus Luv where ya ringin from?”
Girl-From me fanny to me ankles

I met my wife in a bar, I was stunned…… I thought she was home minding the kids.

My wife thinks I’m too nosey. At least that’s what it says in her diary.

When she sleeps my wife sprawls out, and takes up the whole bed. So last night I went nuts, I woke her up and screamed “Will you move over? I’m fed up of only getting 2 inches in this bed” she looked at me calmly and said “Join the club”.

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