Tuesday, November 21, 2006

TODAYS TOP TIPS

NORTHERNERS. On hot summer nights go to bed wearing a shower cap full of frozen peas to cool your head. And when you wake up you'll have a tasty mushy pea snack ready for breakfast.

DIETERS. Buy only Russian Alphabetti Spaghetti as there are only 22 letters in the Cyrillic alphabet. Just watch the pounds fall off.

HOSPITAL patients. Arrive for your appointment two hours after the assigned arrival time. That way, you will only have to wait an hour for your doctor to see you.

EXPERIENCE the thrills of a skiing holiday without the expense. Simply sellotape two planks of wood to your feet, sit in your freezer for three hours, then run into a tree as fast as you can.

HOUSEHOLDERS. Store yellow crayons, broken pencils, dried up biros and highlighters somewhere handy. I keep mine in a jar by the telephone.

Thanks to

www.viz.co.uk/

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