Thursday, May 18, 2006


What's the difference between a wife, a nympho, and a hooker?
The nympho says, "You're done already?"
The hooker says, "Are you done yet?"
And the wife says, "Beige, I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

"There was a strange happening during a performance of Elgar's Sea Pictures at a concert hall in Bermuda tonight, when the man playing the triangle disappeared."

I had a wet dream about you last nite. I pissed myself laughing when you fell off the cliff.

They say animal behaviour can warn you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona

If Kmart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?

I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.

What do Blackpool donkeys get for lunch? Half an hour

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